Cloud's Training
by LastTrojanNight
Summary: Back in SOLDIER school, when the world was young. Interesting things happen. CloudSephZack centric. Comedy no yaoi. CHAPTER 22: Zack sets out on a journey to teach young cadets.
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: If you haven't seen this fic before, I feel the need to say that though I like this chapter, it's slightly deceiving. The rest of the story runs in a very different way. So if you find this a little bit boring, please skip to the next chap! It gets more and more funny and amusing after Zack shows up, trust me. Seph and Cloud are just too broody without him:)

Umm…not overtly yaoi, but then, one mans ceiling is another mans floor…whatever that means. Imagery is not my fault…he-he…not really.

Disclaimer: I keep telling myself this…I do not own…I do not own…I do not own…Cloud…or…gah!...Sephiroth…-sob-. There! Was what painful enough, or do I have to give myself a paper cut?

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Chapter one

Silk hair brushed against Cloud's face.

Sephiroth spun, building up momentum for his attack. The polished blade was only a centimeter from Cloud's neck when he blocked it. The snicking sound was loud in his ears.

_Damn, that was fast._

Cloud was straining every nerve to keep from being killed by his commanding officer. Just a few months ago he would have been dead already. But every time he fought Sephiroth he learned more. He was beginning to be able to sense Sephiroth's next intended move, and that helped to keep him alive.

Cloud had more reason to me grateful to Sephiroth than any other SOLDIER wanabe. The silver haired gnereal would sometimes train especially gifted recruits, but when he did, it was usually an entirely mechanical process. He would show them better stances and make them fight as hard as they were capable, but the trainee's usually just came back looking defeated and beaten. Maybe a bit injured. Sephiroth would seem disinterested and his elegant face would look down right bored.

Cloud however, he honored with a real fight, a fight that only Sephiroth could instigate.

These sparing scenes always took place outside, where Sephiroth could destroy the scenery without consequence. The first fight that he had held with Cloud, he had been so pleasantly surprised by the boy's skill and had gotten so wrapped up in the battle, that he had caused the ShinRa facility five months worth of his own pay in damage. Of course, he had gotten out of paying it, on the grounds that he was merely making full use of the facilities true purpose. But that was the last time that he fought Cloud in the normal training area.

He was so pleased with the boy's unique style and skill, that he complimented him by really trying to kill him.

Sephiroth released his creative spirit, throwing random objects at the unsuspecting Cloud, kicking him when he was down, and nicking his hair when ever possible. That was especially amusing.

The one and only girlfriend of Cloud's that the general had ever seen, had complained of the way his hair was often indiscriminately chopped off. It was a very uneven look for a while, but Cloud's hair grew at a good rate and soon returned to its normal, and to Sephiroth, bizarre spiky state.

He could see that Cloud was getting tired, but he was still worth fighting for a while yet. In fact, this was actually when he became the most interesting, when he was starting not to care about winning or fighting well anymore. Their battles were usually staged far away from anything living or valuable, but they ranged quite a bit and Cloud had once backed away to higher ground, all the way to a small city. That day when he was tired, Cloud had thrown a car at him. The boy had an excellent concept of leverage.

That time Sephiroth _had_ paid for the damages.

The silver haired man spied an opportunity and snipped a clump of hair against a rock, he allowed himself a small smile.

"Ach!" Cloud yelled. He never yelled if Sephiroth slammed him into a boulder or cut him so that he had to send him away for stitches, only when he cut his hair. It was the ultimate in humiliation.

_Someday, Sephiroth…_ Cloud promised himself. He'd have some of that shiny sliver stuff as a trophy.

"I've thought of a wonderful gift for you." He did this every time.

"Oh, yeah?"

Sephiroth leapt into to the air, his heavily booted foot aimed in perfect trajectory toward Cloud's face.

Cloud's mind reeled in the fastest work which it had been forced into all day. Yes…he had tried this himself once…and Sephiroth had…

Cloud grasped the boot before it could reach him and twisted as hard as he could, twisting the leg and it's owner with it.

"I guess you'll have to take that one back to the store." Cloud smiled pleased with himself.

Sephiroth spun gracefully in the air and landed on his feet. Not according to Cloud's plan.

This hadn't been the way it had worked for him.

Sephiroth landed very near him and slipped under his blade, swiping a rock from the ground and pivoting behind him, he knocked Cloud on the back of the head. It wasn't hard enough to kill him, but it could possibly have left him unconscious.

Could fell with a thud.

"Happy new years."

"Uhg. It's a little early for new years." If it was anyone else, he would have been a wee bit hungry for blood right now, but he didn't mind Sephiroth's sense of humor, it was really very unique. He didn't even mind being beaten very much either; no one was as good as Sephiroth, and he didn't expect to be.

Masamune was at his throat. "How many blades do you see?"

"One too many." Cloud said, rubbing his head.

Sephiroth let out a short 'huh' which was his laugh.

Cloud pushed himself up, despite the searing pain in his head. That would disappear soon.

"Are you beaten already?" Sephiroth asked. "What if I were a serious enemy?"

"I guess I'd be dead." Cloud said without remorse. He was saturated in sweat. The purple die of his uniform was bleeding out of the fabric and running down with the sweat, coloring his almost transparent skin.

"And you accept that?" Sephiroth looked disapproving.

"Well, thankfully you don't really want to kill me, and we don't have any enemies as good as you." Cloud explained with a little smile.

"Hmm-huh. You're right. Lets get back; I have much that needs to be done today."

Cloud didn't put away his sword though, while they were walking back, he knew that Sephiroth would randomly attack him when he had relaxed, to teach him to be always alert.

He didn't bother Sephiroth with talking either. The general usually just did a great deal of thinking, only stopping to try and catch Cloud off guard. It wasn't an easy task, walking back with him.

The first time he had fought Sephiroth he had noticed with surprise that the general seemed to be acting more violent than he had ever seen him before, or seen anyone else for that mater. He thought at first that Sephiroth was either having a really bad day and was taking it out on him, or that he was a terrible fighter and his commanding officer was furious at his incompetence.

And he did feel incompetent for the first time in a fight.

Sephiroth was stunningly tall, graceful and eloquent in his movements, he often seemed completely unreal and Cloud wondered what was so different about him, why he shimmered around the edges. After an hour of fighting he was calm, bloodless and breathing as slowly as ever. It was hell fighting. Nature seemed to have created the man for no other purpose then to gracefully and effortlessly dominate.

Cloud could only set his eyes in determination; he was going to live out this fight, he would give it everything he had and prove himself worthy even if he died. It very often seemed like him would die.

To Cloud's surprise he did live through it though; even though Sephiroth seemed intent on killing him. But he continued to wonder why Sephiroth insisted on sparing with him the very next day, outdoors. The next time Sephiroth was just as violent and stunning as before, he kept the battle on even after Cloud had been declared killed a number of times. And He left Cloud perpetually aching from their fights.

Cloud came to recognize an expression of Sephiroth's which he had never seen at any other time and it took him a while to translate it, but after much observation…it seemed that Sephiroth was enjoying himself.

Cloud was stunned at the idea. What? Did the General consider him a valuable opponent? Perhaps he was just amusement. All he did was get himself beat up after all.

Cloud decided anyway, right then, that he would earn for himself, not just Sephiroth's amusement but his respect. Sephiroth was going to approve of him and respect him as someone more then just a subordinate. He had decided that.

The general didn't attack him once, on the way back or speak to him; he seemed to have forgotten the Cloud was even there. He walked slowly, and crossed distances' surprisingly fast, his hair swaying back and forth against his back with every easy measured step.

Cloud wondered what he was thinking of.

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A/N: The next chapter with have Zack in it, and therefore be quite deserving of the title 'humor'. Promise!

Review or Sephiroth will get you! Mwahaha… And that's not a good thing damnit!


	2. Chapter 2

Dum-da-daaa! Zack is here as promised. Oh yes…I don't own him either, just a paper cut.

Claimer: Aia is all mine, I just made her up for convenience.

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Chapter two

Once he was back in the halls of the SOLDIER training base and Sephiroth was not in sight, Cloud thought it was safe to put away his sword.

So he had thought. He was wrong. The second that his oversized blade snicked into the sheath, he was body slammed from behind and pushed to the floor in surprise.

But this wasn't Sephiroth, there were far too many knees and hands, and snickering. Sephiroth would never attack anyone in such a haphazard manner.

"Zack, I'm tired." Cloud complained. He tried to roll over but Zack was holding his hands to the floor and was sitting on his back.

"Oh, you never even try to fight with me!"

"It gets too painful." Zack released his hands allowing Cloud to twist around and look up.

Zack sat on his friend's stomach. He wasn't too cruel though, and placed most of his weight on his knees, on either side of Cloud's chest.

"Ha-ha! You just like Sephiroth better."

"Gah! Can you blame me?" Cloud kicked at Zach's back dispiritedly.

"Ouch!" But he was laughing. "Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about… Guess what? Aia's finally gonna go out with me!"

"You could have just…!" _Patience…patience…patience…breathe from the chest... _"Alright, so what do you what with be, a chaperone?"

"No, but you see, the only way she would agree was if I took her out _tonight_…"

"Are you an idiot? You don't have leave." Cloud didn't like the direction this was going.

"Exactly! So if for some strange reason, someone notices me missing…"

"No!" Cloud swiftly refused.

"_Please_, Cloud. I'd do it for you." Zack's sparkling eyes pleaded.

"I wouldn't ask you!"

"Come on Cloud! You have no idea what she's like. She's the hottest woman you've ever seen! Hotter than you…ha-ha…!" Zack was still straddling him so that he couldn't go anywhere until he agreed. "I've been after her for months, you can't refuse me! Come on…"

It was too late by the time Zack heard footsteps in the hall and a voice saying. "What the hell…?"

"Yikes!" Zack jumped up pulling Cloud to his feet with him.

"Major, Sir!" Cloud said punctually.

"Explain."

Zack's face darkened into an unusual red. "He tripped Sir." Zack pointed at Cloud.

"And how good of you to help him up." The major spoke deliberately. He then looked at his watch. "I hope you two can make it to inspection in twenty-fife seconds…twenty-four…"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Dismissed."

They politely walked past the Major and then bolted. Cloud was faster and took the opportunity to smack Zack while they were running. They arrived at inspection with two seconds to spare.

After they were free from the inspection, it didn't take long for Cloud to brake down. He had agree to help Zach get out, but there wasn't much he could do to help him get back in at whatever hour Zack happened to come wondering back. So in that he was on his own.

Just after curfew Zack decided to make his break. Cloud stood guard, ready to provide some sort of distraction if someone happened along. If Cloud was caught, at least he would be inside the base and could pretend to some sort of sleeping disorder, he wouldn't be breaking out.

Zack escaped with only one heart pounding incident of near collision with a sentry. Cloud had seen all of his future hopes fading away in a sort of kaleidoscope vision as he prepared to stall the sentry with Zack almost out the door...but the sentry was tired himself and not paying close attention, even to the slight scuffing noises in the hall.

Zack disappeared into the dark.

Cloud hoped that he would get back in as easily. If he was still missing in the morning he would lie, making up a story and then hoping that when Zack got back, he could get him out of it. He would hate to have Sephiroth pissed at him for one of Zack's schemes…

But he wasn't going to wait up and he wasn't going to worry about it. He had already lost enough sleep over it and he didn't like wondering around dazed all day, the way he did after staying up all night.

He climbed up to his bunk and decidedly, didn't think of it.

-

Zack did get back inside. The guard had been sleeping.

It was still a couple of hours before dawn, when he would have to get up, but he didn't regret the lost sleep. He crept along the halls until he reached the sleeping quarters and then relaxed a bit. He checked on his accomplice.

Cloud was curled up on the bunk above his. He was making little noises which sounded like groans and his legs jerked, tangling up in his blanket.

_Hee-p-heh. _Zach stifled his laughter. _He's moaning in his sleep. Poor boy…_

Zack tried not to make too much noise snickering. He should have tried to find some girl for him. It wouldn't have been hard with that pretty face. But then, Cloud wouldn't have snuck out anyway. He always played by the rules too much.

Zack knew he shouldn't. He couldn't help it. He poked Cloud roughly in the ribs.

Cloud twitched but kept sleeping.

_Sound sleeper._

Zack tugged on some hair and this time succeeded in waking him, grudgingly.

"Ah! Damn it." Cloud mumbled.

Blue eyes flicker open to glare at him. He looked surprised to see Zack. "Did you have to wake me?"

Zack smirked. "Who was it?" He asked with curiosity.

"Sephiroth." Cloud explained.

"…geh…?" Zack's mouth dropped open, his eyes dilated. Was this happening? Was what he thought was happening, happening…?

"I finally beat him!"

"Oh…okay…whatever…great…" Of course Cloud had been dreaming of fighting… He really did have a filthy mind, but it wasn't his fault…

"How was the date?" Cloud asked with his eyes half closed.

Zack smiled quietly and said no more.

"Well good. You'll pay for it tomorrow. Now let me sleep?"

Zack rubbed the mess of blond spikes. "Thanks for watching my back."

"Uh-huh, least I didn't have to really do anything…" Cloud trailed off pulling the blanket over his head.

Zack smiled to himself and slipped quietly into bed.

Doubtless a few people had heard their talking and his rummaging about. But no one here would care. He was a notorious rabble rouser and most everyone loved him for it.

Now…he should have about one and a half hours to sleep.

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A/N: A sweet thank you to my lovely reviewers! I think, I fixed most the problems in chapter one!

Please talk to me some more or I might get lonely with just the voices in my head, and stop writing. Jenova only says mean things; she doesn't like to see everyone so happy…

….

Sometime soon we'll get all three of them together :D :D


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Cloud sat up in bed. Rubbing his eyes and his sore shoulder, he smiled contentedly. His thick blond hair was sticking up more energetically than usual, seeming to mirror his moods.

Yesterday he had managed to: hold up against a forty-five minute battle with Sephiroth, learn to handle two new kinds of materia, get Zack safely off on his date _and_ get a good night's sleep. Quite the accomplishments.

Cloud placed one foot on the middle rung of the ladder and nimbly jumped down from his bunk. He glanced at the clock.

It was exactly the time that is should be; fifteen minutes before breakfast. There was just enough time for him to dress, do those annoying stretches which were designed to tone his muscles and get to the mess hall on time.

Cloud quickly dressed, he could already hear the shuffling and voices of everyone else getting up.

That was when he saw...that was when he remembered…

Cloud moaned. His punishment for helping Zack stay up all night was waking him up in the morning…

Zack was hanging over the edge of the bed, his left hand lying on the floor and his face completely buried in the pillow, leaving nothing exposed but a mess of dark hair.

He wondered how Zack could breathe like that.

Cloud knew what he was in for. He sank to his knees and dug in. Grabbing Zack by the shoulders he shook him, hard.

That elicited a 'hmmm…..' sound. Then nothing.

Cloud continued the jarring and got more of the same. Zack was getting used to him already and was falling deeper into sleep.

Cloud pulled the pillow out from under his head and considered beating him with it…No, that would be immature. Instead, he rolled the heavier man over, exposing his face to the light.

Zack's eyes clamped shut tighter and he scowled.

"Zack!" Cloud tried, sensing the trace of a conscious response from Zack. He grabbed Zack's jaw and shook him by the head.

"Cloud…I'm gonna die…"

"No you're not. Now get up! It's ten minutes till breakfast." Cloud continued jerking his arm.

"I'm not gonna make it…you'll have to leave me behind…"

Cloud considered it. Zack had never actually asked him for help waking up, it was his won fault if he went to the trouble…but he knew that someone was going to kill Zack if he was late for his lecture _again_.

"I feel like hell…"

"Buck up!" Cloud shouted. "You're supposed to be a SOLDIER! You have responsibilities. Remember that advanced tactics thing you were supposed to do this morning?"

Zack shook his head. He didn't remember anything. "You know I don't do well without sleep…"

"Humft." Cloud sat back on his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know why you do this to yourself."

"You don't know why?" Zack managed to raise his eyebrows over closed eyes and smirk before seeming to fall back asleep.

Cloud glanced at the clock again; five minutes.

"Damnit Zack, you always make me late!" Cloud yelled at the sleeping man.

Zack's lashes flickered and his mouth moved. "You'll have to hit me…"

"I'm not _supposed_ to hit you." Cloud wasn't feeling cooperative.

"It's the only…hmm…that works…" Zack trailed off, unsuccessful at completing a sentence.

Cloud frowned and punched him in the ribs relatively hard.

Zack's eyes finally opened half way. "Hmm, that was a pretty good punch Spiky…" But he still wasn't moving.

Cloud was getting annoyed over missing breakfast and smacked the unsuspecting Zack on the jaw. This time he moved.

"Ouch!" Zack braced himself up on one elbow, away form Cloud. "You didn't have to hit me in the face!"

"It worked."

"Twerp." Zack locked his arm around Cloud's neck and shoved his face into the mattress in a suffocation attempt.

Cloud calculated his advantage. He wrapped an arm around the other's shoulder and pulled.

Zack had nothing to hang on to and sprawled out on the floor where Cloud had thrown him, releasing hold of his neck.

Cloud pounced to Zack's stomach. "There! How do you like it?"

"Um, Cloud…" Zack was laughing again for some inexplicable reason. "…you don't actually weigh enough to use the tactic well."

Cloud was just pulling back his fist to land the unresisting Zack another punch when…

…No… Fate was not this cruel…it shouldn't be believed...it was unnatural…

Regardless of nature Cloud heard an eerily familiar voice be hind him. "What the bloody hell?"

Cloud almost faded into another world.

"Strife! What is this?! Attacking your superior in his bed???"

"Um…uh…hmm…" For once Cloud was neither prompt nor punctual.

Zack decided that this would be a bad time to burst into a fit of laughter, no matter how terribly he was tempted.

"Major, Sir." Zack pushed the stunned Cloud off of his stomach and stood to address the Major, who had stopped in the hall outside the doorway.

"I was merely explaining a hand-to-hand combat maneuver to the young SOLDIER, Cloud here." Zack patted Cloud on the head a little over dramatically.

The Major stared blankly for a second, muttering, "Merciful Angles above, what is this army coming to?" and walked off without farther comment.

"I swear that man is stalking us!" Zack yelled a little too loud for Cloud's comfort.

Zack changed clothes faster than was previously believed possible.

"Come on Spikes." He grabbed Cloud's arm and began pulling him out the door after him. "I've never technically made you late for anything yet, and I'm not going to start right now. We've got seven seconds left!"

0.5 seconds to spare.

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Hope you liked it!!

ReViEw and make a writer happy:D :D :D -Being starving, and clothed entirely in black robes in order to keep up my writerly visage, it is all the more important to have other things to raise my endorphin levels!-


	4. Chapter 4

Kind of short, yah, but the next chapter'll make up for it.

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Chapter four

After a lengthy and boring class on tactics, lead by an under enthusiastic, somewhat irritable Zack, Cloud was back walking through the quieted halls. From previous observation he figured that Zack would probably be reasonably a wake by three in the afternoon, about the time he expected to be endangering his life, sparring with Sephiroth.

He was playing through battle stances in his mind already, trying to figure out how to avoid yesterday's mistakes, and trying to devise some trick that Sephiroth wouldn't expect. So far he hadn't had much luck surprising him.

Cloud felt cool air bushing the back of his neck, disturbing the wisps of hair around his face. He was flooded by the sense of someone else near him. The presence was almost supernatural and chilled him slightly, raising his skin into bumps and startling his mind into a sixth sense of recognition before he could even see who it was.

Sephiroth appeared in the hallway immediately, from an adjoining corridor which led to some offices.

He swept up to Cloud who promptly saluted. "General Sephiroth, Sir."

"Yes Cloud." Sephiroth's voice was low and melodious, his face as solemn as ever.

He started to speak and then stopped, examining Cloud. "…is something the matter Cloud? You look unsettled."

"No Sir."

"Good. I'm afraid that I won't be able to spar with you today, as I usually do."

"Really?" Cloud's demeanor fell immediately and with a resounding thud.

_Don't' be an idiot._ He told himself, trying not to look overly disappointed. _The General obviously has more important things to do than fight with you…idiot._

"Yes. I wanted to be sure that you knew. Unfortunately, I have a surplus of work to be done today, which will require all of my time."

"Yes, of course. I understand."

"You do? You shouldn't understand what I'm doing."

Cloud thought about that statement confused for a second. "Well, I guess… not really."

"You will practice with Zack Fair instead. He is a more than qualified teacher for you, second only to myself."

Cloud nodded anxiously.

The corners of Sephiroth's mouth tugged upward in his own peculiar smirk. "It will give your hair some time to grow back."

"Yes Sir." Cloud's looked down trying to hide the fact that his face was burning.

Sephiroth vanish as gracefully as he had come, and the entire hall seemed less alive and smaller without his presence.

Cloud trudged off to find Zack.

-

At first, Cloud was stuck with a man who he didn't know at all, while Zack worked on a SOLDIER with particularly bad stance.

His opponent was much larger than him and had a weird pattern of brown and red hair. There was no way he could have beaten him by strength, but he was faster, and then there was something that Sephiroth had shown him…

Cloud flicked his wrist and knocked the sword out of the others hand. He smiled to himself. Leverage.

Cloud wanted to tell the other how to avoid the trick he had just pulled, but his efforts were not well received. Not well at all.

"I'm not taking lessons from you, little bitch!"

Cloud rolled his eyes. He knew what was coming, something referring to his size, his face, or his height. Sometimes it was even his hair.

"That is obvious. If you were, you might know how to fight." Cloud smiled the most sarcastic, most irritating, mocking and derisive smile that he could connive. It turned out pretty, and a little smug.

The smugness was appreciated by the other, who was now intent on ripping cloud limb from limb. It really hadn't taken that much provocation.

The other lunged forward but didn't even have a chance to try and dismember cloud before Zack came bouncing into the argument and smacked his sword down between them.

"Well this doesn't look like your everyday, innocent fight between friends." Zack's mischievous eyes sparkled even more than usual.

The larger SOLDIER with strange hair took a less confrontational approach with Zack. "The kid wanted to play instructor." He growled.

"Oh?" Zack raised a mocking eyebrow. "Does Cloud need to be taken down a notch or two?"

Cloud glared at the sparkling Zack. "I didn't mean anything by it. The _asshole_ simply couldn't keep track of his sword." He replied matter-of-factly.

The other tried lunging at Cloud again, only to be smacked in the chest with the flat of Zack's blade.

"I'm not hosting a brawl. Now get outta here before Cloud beats you up again." Zack happily mocked away.

The man-with-weird-hair looked mortified and disbelieving for a while. His rage only bounded by the weight of Zack's sword.

"Honesty, I don't want him to kill ya. Switch partners." Zack gestured to the SOLDIER he had left abandoned.

"But…"

"Don't make me…" Zack smiled threateningly.

The other walked off muttering.

"Phht." Cloud glared and took a ready stance again.

"You do know, that was a Second Class SOLDIER, right?" Zack swung his sword around a couple of times feeling its balance.

"He…was?" Cloud looked surprised, then understanding, then pleased.

_He wasn't supposed to look _that_ happy with himself._ Zack frowned. But he was just as pleased. _Bad influence._ Zack told himself.

Cloud didn't wait for Zack to attack him. Instead he jumped forward hoping to slip past his defenses and get a slash at his side.

Zack stepped aside and turned around earning himself as shock at Cloud's back. Cloud whipped around and ducked. They had now switched places.

"So, you're stuck with me today, huh Spiky?"

"Yah."

"I wonder why that is…"

Clang.

"What the hell are you smiling at?!"

"Nothing. And please, try to show some respect around all these kids. Heh-heh…"

Snick.

"Alright. What the hell are you smiling at, Sir?"

"If I go down first, I'll tell ya, deal?"

Swack.

Thud.

"Sorry Spiky." Zack was still smirking. "I guess I get to keep my secret."

_Damnit._

_-_

Cloud slowly brought himself back to his quarters, generally discontented with his day and annoyed by the strange way Zack was acting. He was going to bed early, hoping to sleep it off and find everything normal in the morning.

Cloud rubbed his face in his hands and pulled his shirt off.

"Cloud Strife?"

Cloud jumped and turned around to see a messenger at the door he hadn't closed.

"Yes."

"You're required in the General Sephiroth's personal quarters."

"Wha…?" Cloud's voice disintegrated on a high note.

The messenger turned and left before Cloud could ask him anything.

Cloud stared at the door.

_Oh God, what had he done?_

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My first cliffhanger! Yay! What on earth will happen to Cloud?!... snicker snicker I promise something will happen soon!

Darling reviewers, I love ye!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: (1) Dish soap is evil.

(2) I don't know why the plates were under the table…but it was entirely Zack's doing.

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Chapter five

Cloud stared at the open door way.

No one was ever summoned to the General's quarters. No one… Ever…

This couldn't be a good thing.

If only Zack were here…

Cloud stopped caring that Zack had been acting somewhat drunk and suspicious all day. He was the only one who wasn't held in a state of perpetual awe by Sephiroth and therefore the only one who can save him from, whatever…

If he could somehow find Zack while Sephiroth was waiting…oh God, what if he _was_ waiting?

Cloud lunged for the door…

_Shit._

…skidded to a stop, grabbed his shirt and slipped it back on, then bolted down the hall.

He stopped in front of the apartment door, trying to steady his erratic breathing and wobbling knees. He tried to remember his combat training…

The true enemy is fear.

Never look your enemy directly in the eyes.

Huh, somehow it all slipped away…

Cloud took a deep breath and knocked.

The door opened to reveal nothing but darkness inside.

_What had he done?_

Cloud set his jaw in grim determination and plunged into the almost tangible blackness.

"General Sir?"

Cloud's skin began to prickle.

"You sent for me…?"

He felt something razor thin and cold against his neck.

"You haven't been keeping your guard up." He heard a voice smooth and taunting.

He was going to die…he was going to die…

The lights flicked on in a blinding flash, which left Cloud momentarily paralyzed.

"Surprise!"

To Cloud's indescribable relief the room was flooded with light and the even brighter smile of Zack.

As in the moment of creation, Chaos was suddenly replaced with life. Zack had saved his life.

Cloud looked back to Sephiroth. Masamune had disappeared and all that could be seen was the smirking General.

"Yah, Seph's cruel isn't he? I told him not to screw with ya today but he won't listen."

"Zack? But what…?"

Zack caught him by the arm and dragged him to the dinning table were an impressive cake was set up in the centre.

"Happy birthday, Spiky!" Zack smiled brightly and ruffled Cloud's hair.

"Huh?" Cloud's eyes widened and he stared at Zack.

Cloud had completely forgotten. He had hardly thought of his own birthday in years and he couldn't recall ever celebrating it.

Now Zack had suddenly remembered. The same Zack who couldn't keep track of his own locker combination and made his younger friend memorize it.

"Well you said that you never had a birthday cake. And I thought, it's bad enough hardly having cake at all, but when you don't even get any on your birthday…that really sucks. So here you are."

Cloud was speechless; he couldn't find the right words to describe what he was feeling.

"Zack…it's…it's…it's a wedding cake." Cloud said, staring at the three tiered white cake, adorned by pink lavender and blue flowers.

Zack crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't be so picky Spike. Aia has a shop that makes this sort of stuff and she would have been up set it I got it somewhere else."

Cloud waited for him to finish.

"And I got a really good deal on it."

Cloud narrowed his eyes on the lone blond bride standing at the top. He sensed a trick.

"Yah, I thought she kinda looked like you." He smiled sweetly at the scowling Cloud. "So, Like it?"

Cloud tried, but damn! He couldn't even be irritated with Zack, the man who had just given him his first birthday cake. Cloud showed one of his rarest smiles.

Zack seemed pleased with that. "Seph, you gonna cut it?" He asked hopefully.

"I already answered that question earlier. Do you have any godly idea have much work I go to polishing Masamune every day? It's not a kitchen knife."

"Okay, okay. I still think it would have been interesting." Zack got an almost reasonably sized knife from the kitchen area and began slicing away at a disturbing speed. At the end of three seconds aforementioned cake was thoroughly and evenly cut.

"Plates, you think we need plates?… where are…" Zack checked under the table. "Ah-ha…!"

"Oh, yes." Sephiroth stepped up close to Cloud. "I have a gift for you."

Cloud jumped back instinctively.

An amused look played in Sephiroth's eyes. "No. This one won't hurt you. In fact…I think you'll like it." He produced a narrow rectangular box and held it out to Cloud, who was managing to function reasonably well in a state of perpetual bewilderment.

Inside the box was a dagger with a blade polished so bright it acted as a mirror. Cloud didn't have any weapons like it. And like most young men, was affected by 'new toy' lust. But then, the fact that it had come from the General made the gift ever more valuable.

"…thank you." No two such sincere words have probably ever been spoken.

Sephiroth nodded in response.

"Heh," Zack got out from under the table. "Don't take it personal Spiky he just has to show me up at everything."

"I do it so very well." Sephiroth remarked.

"Yah, especially this stuff." Zack threw the fluffy white confection onto some plates and whipped them around the table as though he were dealing cards. He turned to Cloud smiling. "Seph would have made a wonderful housewife if he had gotten the chance!"

Sephiroth snarled and hissed. It would have given a normal person chills.

"Dig in!"

Cloud sat down beside Zack, Sephiroth cross the table.

"Hey, let's see the knife."

Cloud gave it over without question, just hoping that nothing would befall it in Zack's hands.

Zack whistled and squinted at the far side of the room, griping the blade carefully he…

"Zack, you promised not to destroy my apartment."

"I'm not gonna kill it."

"…"

"Oh, alright." He handed the dagger back to Cloud and diverted his attention to the cake. "So have you ever had any of this kinda stuff at all?"

Cloud shook his head. "Not that I can remember. I thought I heard that it tasted bad." He held the substance under his nose and sniffed it. Distrustful and very curious.

"I promise, it's not bad."

Cloud bit into the examined cake, then made a pleased little noise. _Interesting._

"Uh-huh." Zack agreed. "Even Seph likes it, though he'll never admit it to me."

"I prefer the blood of my enemies." Sephiroth stated darkly.

Cloud looked up at Zack. "Is he serious?"

Zack shrugged. "I really don't want to know."

Cloud was slowly scrutinizing each and every tiny aspect of the experience which was cake. It was rather addictive. He picked up the last crumbs and licked his fingers, for which irresistibly innocent gesture, the General himself was silently laughing at him. But Cloud looked good blushing, so no harm done.

"Yah I know, that piece's yours." Zack was saying when Cloud came back to the world. "Seph has a thing for frosting." He explained to Cloud, as Sephiroth consumed a little bunch of delicate blue flowers.

Cloud blinked.

The Great General Sephiroth was eating.

_Of course_ he was. Cloud told himself. _Everyone needed to eat._ It was obvious…yet somehow profound…

Why the hell was he allowed to be here anyway? He guessed that the General must have given into Zack's constant nagging. And that was why.

"Yes, but I am not capable of getting a sugar high." Sephiroth was saying pointedly.

"Poor Seph." Zack munched his second piece. "Hey, you think the beer's cold yet?"

"You put it in the freezer."

"Oh, right." Zack jumped up and disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with a beer in each hand and one tucked under his arm. He placed an open bottle next to Sephiroth and then opened another.

"Isn't cloud a little young to be participating in one of your drinking parties Zack?"

"What? Oh, good thought. Hey spiky, you want milk instead?" Zack smiled down at Cloud with a wicked glint in his eyes.

Cloud glared. It wasn't like he hadn't had beer before. Not that he had liked much both of the two times he had tried it…

He reached under the table with his foot and kicked Zack in the knee.

It wasn't that anyone would have minded Cloud kicking his friend and superior, he had become adept at it, it was just that he shouldn't have done so while Zack was holding an open beer over the General's head.

Zack gracelessly tripped and dropped the untouched beer in his hand, bracing himself on the back of a chair.

Time seemed momentarily to be held in ransom as Cloud watched the renegade beer slowly fall, knocking the General on the head and spilling out of the container, staining the General's immaculate hair and pouring over his smooth black leather.

Sephiroth's cat like reflex's caught the mercenary object before it reached the floor, with over half of its contents still remaining. Sephiroth merely sat there looking contemplative for a few moments. Then he glanced at cloud, a terrifying gleam in his eyes.

_I'm going to die…I'm going to die…again._

Sephiroth slowly and majestically stood, drops of beer running down his long coat and on to the floor as he did so. Reaching a long, slender arm across the table, and with an elegant flourish of his wrist, he poured the remained of the beer on Cloud's fluffy golden locks.

With lager dripping down his finely shaped nose, Cloud somehow felt enormously relieved. The General hadn't killed him.

"Wow," Zack remarked opening another beer to replace the missing one. "That was pretty immature."

Sephiroth nodded in agreement. "I thought so." He then drifted off in the direction of the bathroom.

Zack snapped his fingers in front of Cloud's face. "Hello in there...hypnotized? Come here."

Zack pulled him up by the collar and led him into the kitchen where he shoved Cloud's head under the faucet and turned the water on.

Cloud made a gurgling noise as water surged in his nose and mouth. Zack insistently held his head under the water, determined to be helpful.

"HOT!" Cloud managed to scream, sputtering the scorching water out his mouth, as steam billowed over the sink

"Don't be a baby." Zack scowled and slammed the faucet over to the cold side.

"Youch! Stop it!" Cloud yelled in pain at the surge of ice water against his burning skin.

"Wait a sec." Zack eyed a mysterious bottle proclaiming itself to be dish soap. Apparently it was designed for cleaning stuff… He squirted some into Cloud's hair and rubbed it in.

"That should do the trick…"

"Hey, what is it?" Cloud sensed something which was supposed to smell like lemon but which actually just had a sickeningly strong 'My Chemical Lemon' sent to it. All of sudden his eyes were stung by the evil soapsuds to doom and no matter how hard he tried to wash them out, they just kept coming.

"Damn it! Don't you know you have it dilute this stuff?" Cloud choked as a sickening taste flooded into his mouth. The more he tried to rub the soap out, the faster the little bubbles multiplied and ran straight for his mouth and eyes and nose.

"Gah, this is never coming out!" He proceeded to swear at Zack.

"How was I to know…?" How indeed?

Once the bubbles had died down a little (though they hadn't been completely defeated), Cloud washed the soap off his face and gave up on his hair for the time, rubbing it dry with a towel.

"Do you think he's that mad at me?" Cloud looked around for the still missing General.

"Nah, he just did that to make you feel better." Zack shrugged.

"Really…?" Cloud's eyes widened.

"Uh-huh…" Zack finally got the chance to taste his beer. He pulled a face and spit it into the sink. "Ack! I was afraid it was a little _too_ cheap." He slammed the bottle down on the counter in disgust. "I'm not going let your first impression be corrupted with that shit."

"I _have_ had beer before you know." Cloud pulled at a spike of his somewhat sticky blond hair. He was definitely going to stay away from dish soap from now on.

Zack continued on regardless of Cloud's unheard or unbelieved assertion. "Ah, I know the perfect place! They have the best beer I've ever had and that's saying some. Brew it right there I think. It's a little more expensive but it's really the only place I can get Seph to go, though he only drinks stronger stuff, he has this obsession with quality, not that I blame him in that area. Yah, perfect idea! Whenever Seph has something to drink I take advantage of him…"

"Zack…"

"…he'll buy absolutely everything! But they pay him pretty well here ya know, so he can afford it better than I can."

"Doesn't he get a little annoyed at that?" Cloud asked worried.

"Not too much. Besides, what's he gonna do me?" Zack grinned with his sense of impunity.

"I don't know. He's the General, he could do _anything_."

A slight stir behind Zack hinted at the presence of the General. He seemed to have changed clothes, though these looked remarkable similar to what he had just taken off. His flowing sliver hair was slightly damp.

"Have you…?" The General stopped, his lips parting in an expression dangerously close to a smile.

Zack followed his gaze to the disheveled Cloud and noticed for the first time what had happened to his friend.

There had never been much order to his hair but compared to this, the previous style had been ironed and business like. He looked for all the world like a newborn Chocobo.

"What have you done to him, Zack?"

"Oh God…do you have a camera?"

"If I did, I would not allow you to use it."

"But Seph, you let me have _everything_ of yours."

"Zack…" Grinding teeth.

"How many opportunities like this do…" Zack stopped after glancing at Cloud to survey the damage.

The boy's head was bent, his eyes sadly staring at his feet, his skin changing from red to white. On his face was one of the most miserable expressions Zack had ever seen, it was clearly the look of a martyr being led to the stake.

Zack felt real guilt. He had only wanted to show Cloud a good time-heaven knew he needed it-, but instead he had embarrassed him in front of Sephiroth. I was the worst thing he could possibly do. Cloud would probably have reacted better to impalement. He knew he would have.

He had to make it better. He just didn't know how.

"I'm sorry Spiky." Zack was sincerely, very sincerely apologetic.

Cloud nodded and tried to act like there was nothing wrong with him, attempting a broken little smile.

Oh, the little bastard had to be doing that on purpose! No one could look that pathetic by accident! Ah, damn it, as if he hadn't felt guilty before…

Zack turned on the General. "Seph, what Cloud needs is a drink."

"Then give him one." Sephiroth looked pointedly at the beer on the counter. "He certainly doesn't need anything stronger."

Zack swiped the despised beer up. "Taste it."

Sephiroth arched a single elegant eyebrow. "Why?"

Zack shoved the beer under his nose.

The General look distrustfully at the opened bottle but relented and took a sip. He glared at Zack.

"Then we're going?"

"It's late."

"This is important."

"You will go to any lengths to get me to buy you drinks won't you?"

"I'm worried about Cloud's lifelong concept of beer!"

Sephiroth sighed. "I'll arrange transportation."

"Yah! Thanks Seph!" Zack smiled brightly. "Soon Cloud, you will have your first taste of alcohol under my guarded supervision!"

"Lord help him." Sephiroth muttered walking away.

……………………………….

Not what you thought was going to happen to Cloud in Sephiroth's apartment was it? Sorry to disappoint, I wasn't going to put anything _really_ interesting in this fic ;) Hope no one was too let down, I know I was…but REVIEW anyway!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Sephiroth brought a tall glass to his lips and sipped it slowly, analyzing its content. It was impossible to tell from his lack of reaction whether he liked it or not. Cloud wondered what was in it.

Zack was no longer with them. He had gone missing early on and was now in the center of a group of six or seven other people, who had instantly latched on to him. The silence that he left his two friends with was rather uncomfortable, to at least Cloud. When they were sparring Cloud knew exactly what was expected of him and what he was supposed to do. But sitting around drinking?

Zack had promised to come back soon…

Cloud looked around for something to say. "Is it good?" He managed to ask.

"Acceptable."

_Wow. Not much encouragement there._

Cloud noticed that some of the people Zack was with, kept looking their direction and then whispering in his ear. Cloud squirmed a little until he realized that they were most likely looking at the General, he probably wasn't being noticed at all.

He wondered if Sephiroth was recognized on the street very often. Maybe that was why he never went out? The General was out of uniform now, but when left to his own devises his taste in clothing was still….outstanding. And it was impossible to miss that legendary silver hair, as long as your average adult was tall.

Cloud watched as one of the men Zack was talking with, whispered something with a strange grin on his face. Zack yelped and slapped his hand over his own mouth; nearly choking it seemed, with laughter. He shook his head and began backing away.

Cloud's eyes narrowed. He strained his ears but couldn't hear anything more then five feet away over the music.

The persistent man held Zack by the arm and got into a plaintive expression. Some of the others in the group acquired the same look and nodded in agreement to whatever the man was saying. Zack hesitated, shrugged and half-nodded, his shoulders still shaking sporadically with merriment. Then he was released and this time they seemed to want him to leave.

Zack bounced back, the smile momentarily wiped from his face, but his eyes still sparkling with a hidden joke. He plunked himself down beside Cloud, instantly filling the silence surrounding his friends with light and ease.

"Well, I can see I missed a hell-of-a conversation." He frowned at them both, until that indefatigable smirk reappeared and he took a slurp of his dark red beer, sighing at it contentedly.

Sephiroth shifted his glace toward Zack and watched him narrowly. "What is it, Zack?"

"Hmm?" Zack's eyes widened.

"That fiendish little smirk of yours." The General clarified.

"What is this? I'm not allowed to smile anymore? First it's cloud now, you're starting in too, next…"

"Explain. Or do you wish for me to begin recounting stories of your adolescence to Cloud?"

Zack wrapped an arm around Cloud's shoulders. "Spiky wouldn't hold any of that against me, would ya? Recount away Seph." He sipped his beer unconcerned.

"Let's see…" Sephiroth gazed into the distance, preparing a dramatic rendition of select events from Zack's youth. "It was in the fall of his fifteenth year, Zack had just…"

Zack stared at the table top, deep in thought and mumbled to himself. "When I was fifteen…hmm…what…was…?" Zack suddenly jumped. "No! You promised you wouldn't tell that one again!"

Sephiroth folded his arms over his chest and looked pleased with himself.

"Alright." Zack relented. "But you'll wish you hadn't made me tell you."

"I'm willing to take this risk." Sephiroth arched an eyebrow smugly.

"Well, the thing is…they…I was…um…you're really not going to like it…" Zack warned again.

Sephiroth ordered him on with a withering glance.

"Well…erm… they...that is…they want you to dance." Zack spat it out, both worrying about Sephiroth's reaction and trying not to laugh to hard. Seph probably wouldn't like the laughing.

Cloud choked on his beer.

Silence.

"Yeah, I told them that I'd ask you, just to they let me alone. Not that I really intended to…ah, Seph?"

Zack could feel a disturbing electrical charge which seemed to be building up in the air around him. It was remarkably uncomfortable.

"Aw come on Seph, don't be that way." Zack pleaded. "Don't loose it now, I was having fun."

Sephiroth didn't respond but Zack noticed that his beer was beginning to stream.

"What's so insulting about them thinking that you're a very attractive man?"

"Um Zack? I don't think that's working." Cloud whined, watching as his own beer ignited.

"Heh, don't worry." Zack told him while worrying. "This has happened before."

"Oh, I turned out okay? Ah-youch!" Cloud yelped after touching scorched table top.

"Well let's see…I was alive in the end, but no one else…"

The General suddenly rose, hissing between his teeth. Anger and diabolical intent dripped from his every word. "I'll give them a show they'll _never_ forget."

Zack's eyes widened for a second. Then he jumped up panicking and latched himself to the raging Sephiroth's arm, bracing himself and setting his heels into the floor.

"No! Please Seph! The people that own this place are friends of mine, what would happen if all their customers were murdered?"

Sephiroth snarled at the leech attached to his arm. "You are not responsible for my actions SOLDIER! Remove yourself from me now!"

Zack showed no signs of loosening his grip and Sephiroth jerked his arm away.

As might be expected of a dedicated and focused warrior, Zack's hold on the General was much stronger then his grip of the floor and soon Sephiroth found himself supporting the entirety of his clingy friend's weight.

Zack attempted to hold himself up, looping an arm around Sephiroth's neck and gripping the collar of his coat. Sadly disarranging Sephiroth's finely fitting leather. The General was forced to pause and attempt to ply his friend off of his side.

Encouraged by his partial success at thwarting the impending bloodshed, Zack wrapped a leg around Sephiroth's knee, determinedly trying to immobilize him.

"When they find out that I brought you here, they'll never forgive me! Stop it please?! PLEASE!"

"Oh my God, look! They're actually doing it!"

"Oh wow! I didn't think they would!"

"That black haired guy's with him!"

"Hey, that man looks just like the General!"

"Nah, I don't think even Sephiroth is THAT hot!"

"_Holy shit!_ LOOK!"

Sephiroth had Zack's wrist in a very much less then gentle vice-grip, and was bending him over the table. A hand was firmly placed on the back of Zack's neck.

"Do not interfere, Zackary! I do not accept insults of this kind. You should know that." Sephiroth hissed, leaning his weight onto Zack's back to keep him still. Having managed to pry the man off him, he was determined to keep him away.

"Hell yeah, I know! But don't kill anyone, just this once. Do it for me, PLEASE!" Zack tried to wriggle out of the General's grip, making motions which probably should not have been displayed in public.

"I see no reason to make an exception to my general evisceration policy."

Zack finally managed to slip off the table, falling to his knees. He was still hanging by a wrist which was quickly going numb. His whining sounds drifted through the bar.

"Shit, Seph. You're not this ornery when you haven't been drinking."

"Yes I am." The General was completely serious.

"Well you shouldn't be!" Zack was now facing the room. "Ah…Seph…?" The expectant crowd was watching in suspense and gaping. A few looked like they might have fainted. "You're making a bit of a scene here."

_Maybe that was the wrong was to phrase it?_

Sephiroth's unreadable gaze glanced around the room then landed back on Zack who shivered. Was that a little bit of pink on the General's face?

"Heh…um…yah…I guess it is partly my fault. But I mean hell, nothing they haven't seen before right? No kids around so…uh…" Zack shivered again. He really hated it when Seph got like this. "Hey where's Cloud?!"

Cloud was in fact very missing. A circumstance for which Zack was momentarily glad. "He disappeared fast." He pointed out, just in case there could be any doubt as to the fact that this was strange, un-good and worthy of notice.

Sephiroth dropped Zack's aching wrist and scanned the room, distracted from his sundry thoughts of murder. "Where would he go?"

"Um," Zack thought for second trying to rub blood back into his hand. "Bathroom?"

"It's unusual that I did not notice him leave… I'll check."

Zack got up from the floor. "I'll go w-…heh-heh…I mean, I'll stay _right_ here."

Sephiroth readjusted the fastenings of his coat and stalked off, while the crowd moaned in protest. Zack smiled at them. "Sorry folks, we decided that it wasn't economically feasible to give the show away for free!"

"How much is it?"

"Wha…?"

"What do ya want?"

"I…erm…"

"That was such a tease!"

"But…" This was too much. Zack abandoned his post and escaped outside. Not far from the entrance he saw a spiky blond head which was leaning against the outside wall.

"There you are! What are ya doing out here?" Zack's eyebrows rose questioningly.

"I just thought I'd get out before it got too bloody." Cloud stifled a yawn. "I'm kind of tired, ya know?"

"Yeah, I guess it is gittin' late. You're used to going to bed at curfew."

Cloud slowly shook his head 'yes'. He woke up a little when Sephiroth came suddenly striding out the front door. His gaze immediately fixed on the blond.

"I see you've found him. Cloud, you were wise to leave when you did, but you should have informed one of us."

Zack quirked an eyebrow, he noticed that the General had a barely noticeable, but very present smirk on his lips. "What's this? You killed someone didn't you?" He frowned and crossed his arms.

"He'll live. You should be worried about yourself."

"You can't kill me in front of Spiky, it'd warp him."

"Soon you will be without his protection." Sephiroth simmered, still pleased over something.

Cloud yawned again.

"We better get going; I don't want to have to carry you back."

Cloud picked himself up off the wall to follow Zack.

"So, did you have an endurable birthday?" Zack asked, looking a little defeated.

Cloud smiled, genuinely happy. "Better then endurable."

_Heh_, Zack smiled a little, _only he could be happy with such a disaster._

"Thanks Zack and…um…thank you General, Sir."

"One title will do, Cloud."

"Yes, Sir."

"And you're welcome."

Zack noogied him again and grinned at his handiwork. "See, I'm pretty responsible, you didn't get loaded or anything!"

"That is hardy a reflection on you Zack." Sephiroth informed.

"Humph."

Cloud smiled again. Something just felt peaceful. He wondered if this was what a family was like.

………………..

Heh, I hope this isn't turning it a really bad running joke. But I love making Zack say and do things that might be misconstrued. That's just how my deviant little mind worksXD This time it was Seph's turn to be brought down by him! Yay!

And thank you everyone for the lovely, lovely reviews!!! Makes my day:D


	7. Chapter 7 Breakfast

Chapter seven

Cloud sat up in bed, stretched and looked around groggily. It was a familiar process which had been repeated many times through the course of his life. But today, something seemed off.

He listened in the dark and noticed that he couldn't hear the sound of Zack's breathing.

That was strange. They had been out late last night and Cloud had expected to wake long before him. Huh.

He shrugged and moved to get down from his bunk, glancing at the lit display of the clock as he did so.

I was 2:00 in the morning? Wow. And he had gotten to bed at 2:23. So that meant…

_Whump!_

Cloud slipped, and fell from an uncomfortable height. His hip and twisted leg cried out in pain. But those little troubles were not foremost on his mind. The effect of stunned realization acted as an opiate on his nerves.

He didn't quite understand how he could sleep until 2:00 in the afternoon, or why Zack hadn't woke him, or why no one had come to murder him yet for sleeping in so late. It wasn't exacting allowed.

Cloud pulled himself off the floor and flipped the light on; now knowing that the previous odd feeling was the after effect of sleeping for almost twelve hour straight.

He rubbed his face, tired from too much rest and began dressing.

The dazed Cloud wondered how he was going to pick up the day. He had already missed lunch, which meant that though he was starving, he was only going get one meal today. And that was four hours away.

He also hadn't reported in and had missed over half of his classes… He wondered again why he was living to tell the tale.

Cloud jumped when the door flew open; certain that his doom was near.

An unruly haired brunet barged in. "Ah Spiky, you're alive! You want me to take you to the doctor?"

"I'm not sick." Cloud stared at his friend, a little dazed.

"Well, you know that and now I know that, but lets try and see that no one else finds out."

"…what are you saying?"

"When I found you still dead to the world even after _I_ was up, I thought that maybe you had a bit too rough of a night, and let you sleep. But damn, can you ever sleep! Anyway, I said that you were sick, but just needed rest and shouldn't be moved." Zack explained.

"Thanks. I don't know what's wrong with me though." Cloud mumbled.

"Nothing that a little coffee won't cure!" Zack smiled brightly. Apparently he had already been at it. "Hungry?"

Cloud lifted his head, with a wan hopeful little smile on his face. "Yes?"

Zack laughed and led him out the door. "What I've really been doing all day, is sleeping in Seph's office, while pretending to help him with paper work." He smiled again brightly.

Cloud had to wonder at his seeming, complete lack of fear for any sort of authority.

"But he's too busy actually working to pay much attention to me…"

"Where are we going?" Cloud wanted to know.

"To the place where you can get the best catering in this entire facility."

Cloud stared wide eyed, his mouth dropped open.

"No, no. Rufus only orders vegetarian so he doesn't count." Zack reassured. "The next person after him, with very particular taste in food is…The Great General Sephiroth Himself." Zack smirked out the title he had used.

Cloud shuddered.

"Well, _you_ don't have to eat the Blood Sausage; it's just one of Seph's quirky little habits. I really think that he only claims to like it, to scare the cadets. Though God knows, it scares everyone else too…"

Cloud traipsed after his spunky Caffeine-Mako enhanced friend, into the elevator and toward the General's office.

It was when the elevator doors slid open at the appropriate floor, that Cloud's un-relaxation was replaced with nervous agitation. This place look really, well…_expensive_. And there were all sorts of _important_ looking people around, the type who were far so busy to look at you, and who probably charged by the word for being spoken to.

"Erm…Zack…I don't think I should be here…"

"Don't be a stuck up, Cloud." Zack busted into what Cloud assumed was Sephiroth's office, without knocking. And Cloud cringed as he was pulled across the threshold.

The office was actually more like a flat. Immediately upon entering you could see in the far corner of the room, a large desk with a couple of chairs in front of it, then farther off a couch and coffee table. A few large elegant bookshelves stood against the walls. Farther back, divided by a wall, there was a kitchenette with a tiny dining area and a spacious bathroom. Had they wanted, a person could have lived right here quite comfortably.

Sephiroth was seated in the far corner behind his massive desk, calm and stately, his hair flowing behind him over the armrest and a paper in his hand, leaning on the desk top under his gaze. He was unconcerned and seemingly owning the world. The picture of absolute authority.

"Does he have the look down or what?" Zack whispered in the doorway.

Sephiroth lifted his eyes from the paper but made on other movement.

"Hey Seph, I brought company!" Zack announced.

Cloud swallowed hard trying not to look directing at the man behind the desk. His mind was acutely focused on the ponderous silence which seemed to emanate from Sephiroth's part of the room and pool around him.

"Hello, Cloud." He finally broke his silence. Then his tone shifted abruptly for the harsher and his voice seemed to rumble off the walls. "Zackary, what the hell are you doing with that Cadet here?"

Zack seemed unimpressed by the General's little display of magnificence. "He's hungry Seph, have a heart."

"Hungry? Did my office become a restaurant while I was away in Wutai?" The General's eyes narrowed and his voice sharpened. Cloud edged behind Zack.

"Be nice for a change, Seph. Cloud is still growing, he needs lots to eat." Zack explained, smiling paternally.

"It is only two hours after lunch…" Sephiroth didn't seem to have a paternal bone in his sculpted body.

"And you haven't eaten have you?"

"I fail to see the significance of that in this matter." Sephiroth was throwing lightening bolts across the room with his eyes. Then again maybe it was just a figure of speech.

"Look, all I'm going to do is feed the cadet. You don't want to stunt his growth do you?" Zack led Cloud to the kitchen by an arm.

"Alright." The Sephiroth growled. "But only if you can do it QUITELY!"

"You won't even know we're here." Zack smiled and disappeared into the kitchen. "But I really think you should eat something too…" He called over his shoulder.

Parted from the General by a disturbingly thin wall, Zack sighed. "Tsk, he's sure touchy today. Let's just see what's in the fridge…"

Zack swung the refrigerator door open. "Oh my God." He almost hit the floor.

"What?" Cloud peered over his friends shoulder apprehensively. Prepared to see blood, gore, stray eye balls, severed heads, anything but…three tiered chocolate truffle cake? Cloud felt his knees begin to give way under him.

Caramel was drizzled heavily over smooth fudge which also served to separate the triplet layers of impossible choloclateliness. Cloud was very, very hungry.

Zack made a surprised gasp and removed the beautiful creation for its resting place. He held it reverently for a second then threw it on the table and rummaged around the kitchen, slamming drawers until he found the silverware.

"Zack, he said to be quiet." Cloud whispered.

"Yeah, yeah." Zack whispered back, handing Cloud a fork. "I had no idea that Seph had this kind of stuff lying around."

Only one thin slice was missing, the rest was intact. Zack dug in immediately and Cloud only hesitated momentary before doing likewise. It was most intensely, very good.

"Mm, wow." Zack closed his eyes. "Is this drugged or something? Now I know why people look for promotions. Mm, who knew he got food like this?"

Cloud's eyes widened at the first bite. "What is it?"

"Which part?"

"Any of it." Cloud vaguely gestured to the vast array of unfamiliar substances.

"Uh-huh." Zack replied distractedly. "Mmmm, mm…"

A moment and a considerable amount of truffle cake later, there was a thwack of papers in the office and then a very few ponderous foot steps. Sephiroth appeared in the kitchen, hair whirling behind him.

"Enough with the moaning noises, Zackary! I'm trying to work!"

Cloud backed away from the cake.

"You can't work on an empty stomach, Seph. Have some."

"I would be perfectly capable of working, if you were not disturbing me!" Sephiroth displayed his wonderful snarl.

"I think your blood sugar is low." Zack hacked off a piece of cake and found a plate, knowing full well that Sephiroth, under no circumstances, from a common receptacle. "That's the best explanation for your _extreme_ irritability." He waved the plate under the General's nose and then set it temptingly on the edge of the table.

Sephiroth glared from the cake to Zack, from Zack to the cake, debating which one to incinerate first.

"If you have some, I promise to be quiet and let you work then."

"You're taking advantage of my leniency, Zack."

"I'm only thinking of your health." Zack smiled.

"By forcing me to eat cake?" The General sighed. "Very well, but if you keep bothering me after this, I will not hesitate to 'remove' you from my office if need be."

Zack cheered when the General sat down. "Where the heck did this come from, Seph? It doesn't seem like you…"

"I believe it was Rufus Shinra's idea of a joke."

Zack looked thoughtful for a moment. "Nope, I definitely don't want to know." He went back to his second lunch.

Sephiroth finally took a bite of what was in fact, the first thing he had tasted all day. His eyelids lowered slightly in appreciation and he suppressed a sigh.

Cloud shivered for 'no-apparent-reason'.

"Now tell me this isn't good." Zack smirked.

"It isn't good." Sephiroth kept his expression impassive, determined not to give Zack the pleasure of knowing that he liked it.

"Humph."

But nothing was ever hid from the all-knowing Zack Fair, nothing at all.

……………………….

Just so everyone's clear, Blood Sausage is an actual food, made from mixing animal (hopeful!) blood with some kind of filler-think grains-until it's congealed. Kuro Fenikkusu informs me that its from the English Isles and that it doesn't really taste that bad. But I still think it sounds scary :P

Writer lives on reviews and truffle cake. Please make donations of one or the other…or both;)


	8. Chapter 8 Not the Closet

Chapter eight

A very rumpled cadet desperately searched his room. He checked in his bed, under the mattress, in Zack's bed, just to be sure, all over the floor, in duffle bags, in the closet, in the dirty laundry…

It was nowhere. He began to panic.

He heard a familiar voice. "Spike, are you going to any a' your class-es…" Zack stared at him from the doorway, water bottle in hand. "What's wrong?"

"I lost it!" Cloud exclaimed miserably.

"Yeah, I can see that…"

"Shut up, and help me look!" Cloud sifted through the scattered laundry.

"It'd help if I knew what we were looking for. Not your runaway mind?"

"The knife Sephiroth gave me." Cloud ground out, sitting back on his legs and looking disheartened at all the unprepossessing junk scattered around.

"Oh," Zack empathized and sat down on the floor beside him. "Hmm, that's not too good." Then he smiled a bit. "You could ask him to get you another one."

"No!" Cloud's eyes went wide. "I can't tell him that I lost it the day after he gave it to me! What would he think?"

"That I took you to a bar and you were tired and smashed?"

"I wasn't drunk at all, you know that." Cloud sounded almost regretful.

"You could tell him I lost it for you? Yeah, he'd believe that." Zack grinned.

"But it _wasn't_ your fault." Cloud groaned. "And I'm not very good at lying."

"I guess you're not." Zack offered him the water and Cloud took it gratefully. "Did you look everywhere around here?" The dark haired man inquired.

Cloud nodded. "Everywhere I can think of…" He looked at the clock and almost choked. "Oh God, what if he wants to fight today? What if he decides to teach me something about it and he asks? What the hell am gonna say?!"

"Hey-hey, calm down. He won't eat you, at least not… heh-heh…never mind. We're gonna figure this out. Now, where do you remember seeing it last?"

"Um, I can't think of anything after we…left Sephiroth's apartment."

"Okey dokey, then I'll just ask him if we can look!" Zack brightened and sprung off the floor.

"No." Cloud jumped up and grabbed his spunky friend's wrist. "What if it's _not_ there? I'll have to admit that it really is lost. I can't do that yet…"

Zack's smile actually faded. "You mean you want to get in there without him knowing?"

"Well…is it even possible?"

Zack scratched his head. "Erg, I _do_ have the pass code for the case of 'unspecified emergencies'. But he said I wasn't allowed to use it, unless his mother was with me, or I was like, impregnated by an alien entity or something."

Cloud's expression went blank.

"Yeah, I don't know where he got that idea, I had nightmares for a week…what must that bastard's mother be like?"

"…"

"The idea is that if I use it for non end-of-the-word situations something bad is supposed to happen to me. Seph really values his privacy."

Cloud looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. "Yeah, well I don't want you to get in trouble…"

Zack looked at his miserable friend sympathetically. He really was push over.

As was his habit, he grabbed Cloud by the arm and began pulling him down the hall. "Well it's not like he ever gets off work before ten. There's not really any chance of him catching us…unless he has surveillance on the place. Hah, I wouldn't put it past him!"

Again Cloud began that fateful journey via elevator. "Thanks Zack."

"Don't worry about it. Then again maybe you should worry, since you're going up there too… You know what happened to the last guy caught sneaking around Seph's apartment?" Zack paled at little.

Cloud swallowed hard and shook his head, thoroughly disturbed by his friend's sudden change in demeanor. "Did he kill him?" He asked.

"No…that was the problem."

Elevator dinged.

"Okay, let's get this over with." Zack said, sweat drops beading on his forehead. He dragged at the cadet, who seemed to have become stuck to the wall of the elevator.

"What was he doing in there, anyway?" Cloud asked.

"Seph refused to say. And of course the other guy…couldn't."

The code was punch in and the door opened.

Nothing awful happened.

"Heh, not so bad." Zack pulled the cadet in behind him and closed the door surreptitiously. "Now where'd you leave it?"

Cloud hurried to check under the dinning table and chairs. On his hands and knees he examined every inch of the surrounding and floor and the seats of the chairs. After a minute he gave Zack another piteous look. "It's not here."

Zack sighed loudly. "Well where else could it be?"

Cloud looked around and noted that not a trace remained of the miniature party last night, not so much as a single dirty plate. "Um, everything's already been cleaned. If it was here, it would have been found…"

"Ah," Zack brightened again. "Maybe it's lying around here somewhere out of the way…"

"Who do think does Sephiroth's cleaning." Cloud asked from the floor.

"Good question. The way he keep's this place bolted and won't let anyone in, I wouldn't be surprised it he did it himself. But let's see if it's here. You check the study like library thing and I'll check the bedroom."

Cloud did as suggested and found all sorts of books that perked his curiosity, but none of which he dared to touch. No beautiful polished daggers that could say belonged to him (he found a few that didn't).

He came out of the library almost at the same time that Zack appeared from the other side of the apartment.

"Anything?" Cloud asked.

Zack looked disappointed. "Nothing. No shag carpet, no mirrors, no bondage gear-that surprised me-nothing pink _or_ fluffy, absolutely _nothing_!"

"Um, that's not really what we were looking for…" The blond reminded, his voice a little skewed.

Zack smiled wickedly. "Sorry Spiky, no silk sheets either."

Cloud snarled. "Be glad I can't kill you in Sephiroth's apartment." He hissed.

"Oh, but…"

Zack was interrupted from a farther inappropriate remark by the sound of long measured footsteps in the hall, footsteps which could only belong to one person.

"Fuck."

"Sephir…?" Cloud was swiped into the bedroom before he could blink, the sound of code numbers being entered ringing in his ears.

"Oh shit, what now?" Zack spun around looking everywhere. "Closet." He threw Cloud in the closet and shut the door quietly as possible. Then listened.

Nothing. Then a tapping sound. Even footfalls seemed to be approaching; they stopped at…the bedroom?

There was no doubt, the bedroom door opened and then footfalls stopped around the area of the closet. The General was so close that Zack could hear the swish of his coat. It reminded Zack of a cheap horror movie.

Zack could hear what sounded like fingers drumming on wood. But if he could hear that… Sephiroth's hearing was even better... And… Oh, shit!…

The door swung opened to the roar of, "_Zackary!_ If you…" The displeased General stopped suddenly, his eyes shifted from Zack and the piercing gaze fell on the traumatized blond cadet at his side.

Cloud made a strange squeaking noise and fell down.

"Hey, Seph!" Zack smiled. After all, it wasn't like his was _scared_ of Sephiroth or anything…

As everyone knew, the General had lovely, slightly glaring, hate glazed, green eyes. On this occasion however Zack steadfastly affirmed that they had in fact, acquired a tinge of red. This was later dismissed of hearsay or perhaps hallucination.

Sephiroth's eyebrow twitched. "Zackary, _**what**_ are you _**doing**_ with that cadet here?" His voice was low and controlled. And a chill ran up Zack's spine. It sounded an awful lot like 'I'm going to rip you limb from limb and use your corpse to decorate my apartment', but no, Zack was sure that wasn't what he had said.

"Don't say it like _that_." Zack whined.

In a rare display of violence, Sephiroth grabbed Zack by the shirt collar and 'removed' the man from his closet.

"Whoa! Now don't do anything you'll regret, buddy!" He voice was a little hoarse, as he was being strangled with his own shirt.

"I have thought the matter though thoroughly, and I do not believe that the regrets would out weight the satisfaction of harming you."

Cloud moaned on the floor. In all honesty he hadn't fainted. A stray object had fallen from the shelf of the closet and hit him on the head. It was a surprisingly sharp, painful object.

Sephiroth looked in the direction of the injured blond, then snarled at Zack and put him down. He snapped on the light had swooped down on a knee to examine the boy, hissing as he did so.

Zack looked horrified. "Oh my God, Cloud! He's bleeding all over!"

"If you become hysterical, I swear I'll kill you." Sephiroth pulled a shirt off a hanger and after ascertaining the amount of damage to Cloud's torn scalp, ripped the cloth to pieces and bound the shreds around the blond head.

"I'm not hysterical, damnit! But cadets are like fragile! They get _injured_ and shit!"

"That is not calm, Zack." Sephiroth gathered Cloud in his arms and rose. Calmly.

"Do you have any Cure Materia, Seph?"

"No."

Zack followed the Sephiroth out he door his apartment. "No? You're the friggin' General; you should have all the Materia you want!"

"I said I didn't!" Sephiroth strode down the hall with a bleary but conscious cadet and kicked the elevator button with his knee.

The elevator knew its master well and opened immediately. Zack frowned; it never did that for him.

"We are going to the hospital and then if need be, I will find the Materia."

The elevator also moved faster in the presence of the Mighty General Sephiroth and very soon they were in the hospital.

"What the hell do you keep it your closet, Seph?"

Sephiroth carefully deposited Cloud on one of the beds, snapping his fingers for a nurse. "More then I care to think about, Zackary!" He then proceeded to terrify a nurse and procure the attention of four, count them, them four members of the general staff of physicians. Cloud was very well looked after.

"I'm going to get that Materia, normal human's take forever to heal." Sephiroth turned on his heal.

"I…"

"_You_ are going to stay here."

"Yeah, sure." Zack said to know in particular.

……………………………….

Cute, blue cadet eyes fluttered open.

First they saw an astoundingly uninteresting white ceiling. Then an almost as unexciting white wall, then another wall-Cloud was already getting bored-then at last a Zack. He was leaning against one of said dreary walls with his arms cross and head tilted back, looking as though he had fallen asleep standing up. It appeared the uneventful room had a similar hypnotic effect on him as it had on Cloud.

Cloud tried to speak, but his throat was dry and only released a pathetic croaking sound. But it woke Zack up.

"Hey, Spike! Y'okay?" Zack lunged for the bed leaned on the side, looking at Cloud.

Cloud opened his mouth again, then gave up and simply nodded.

"You don't have amnesia or anything, do you? Can you remember what happened?"

Cloud thought for a minute then turned a truly astounding shade of scarlet and closed his eyes as though in pain.

"Ah-ha…" Zack nodded. "But it wasn't that bad really. Maybe I should tell someone you're wake? But Sephiroth is coming back with the Materia and all the doctors are in hiding. I heard a story once about what he did to a doctor who he thought wasn't satisfactory… Anyway, he says the Materia they keep around here could as soon kill you as cure you. I don't know what that's about, but he said it was 'recycled'. And here I always believed in recycling… They say it's good for the environment and lord knows That has enough problems as it is."

"Um, Zack, I'm fine, really." Cloud assured.

Zack smiled and the room was lit with very healthy sunshine. "Good. Have some water." Zack _could_ be very perceptive when he wanted to be and had heard the scratchiness in Cloud's voice.

"Thanks." Cloud tried to sit up and winced at his bandaged head, but he eventually managed with Zack's help.

"Heh-heh, you saved my life again, Spiky, you know?"

"Eh? How did I do that?" Cloud drank half the glass of water and lay back down.

"Well, every time Seph is hell bent on killing me, you disappear of get in trouble. 'Cloud-in-danger' is the best form of self defense I've ever come across!"

Cloud was scowling at Zack when Sephiroth whisked into the room, and in his distraction the cadet nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Ah, I see you're wake." Sephiroth began working the cure without any farther discussion and Cloud felt his torn skin heal almost instantly.

The General snapped his fingers again and the sacrificial nurse came scurrying in. With a look from Sephiroth she deftly removed the bandages and as the wound had already been cleaned and the bleeding staunched earlier, only the slightest trace of blood implied that he had ever been injured at all.

Zack smiled and ruffled Cloud's hair. "Perfect! But Seph you really got to be more careful about the stuff you keep in your closet."

"It is not designed for habitation, Zack. It's time you learned that!"

Cloud cringed at the tone in Sephiroth's voice.

"Well you didn't raise so much of a fit last time. What the hell or you so pissed off about?" Zack shrugged and held his hands out to illustrate his honest bewilderment and harmlessness.

Cloud thought about that. Why the hell _did_ the General seem to expect to find Zack in his closet?

"I perfectly intend to explain that to you, in great detail." Sephiroth looked down at Zack and snarled.

Cloud felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Then he did something he never would have imagined doing and interrupted the General. "It was my fault, Sir! I asked, him to."

Cloud stared at the floor miserably. But after all, he was just a cadet and he didn't even know if he would make a good SOLDIER. Zack already had a wonderful career started and it would be a crime if something happened to it now.

Sephiroth turned around with an eyebrow raised. "You?"

Cloud paled, swallowed and nodded. "I…misplaced the dagger you gave me last night, and I wanted to find it back without having to tell you." The spiky haired cadet continued to stare down at the floor.

"Hmm…" Sephiroth valiantly struggled to overcome the smile which tugged at his lips and kept his voice cold and dispassionate. "It isn't that I'm not displeased…" Damned smirk. "…I am however struck to the humor of the situation. It seems that I unknowingly lied to you…"

Cloud looked up at the change in Sephiroth's voice and his eyes widened. The General had produced an elegant dagger from apparently…nowhere, and twirled it around between two fingers in an odd way, miraculously never loosing grip, though it now appeared blurred to the naked eye.

"…I told you that this gift wouldn't hurt you, but it seems to have found a way. This is what hit you. I had found it this morning and placed it aside intending give it back to you later…" Sephiroth stopped with the twirling. "I return it to you now."

Cloud blinked and reaccepted his gift.

"I don't know, I think its bad luck." Zack commented.

"I am willing to confer responsibility for the situation, entirely onto Zackary." The General continued matter of factly.

"You're heartless." Zack pouted.

"Yes, I am."

Cloud looked worried. "What are you going to do to him?"

Sephiroth paused thoughtfully and then smirked. "We'll see..."

………………………………..

Thank you, everyone for the lovely reviews! I love you! And please keep talking to me! Reviews make me a very happy fangirl indeed:D Tell me if there's anything special at all that you'd like to see and I'll try do it if I can:D I Kind of need ideas.

Love you all!!!


	9. Chapter 9 Punishment

Sorry this took so long, I got a new computer-Yay! It looks really hot in black-and had to do some switching around of information. But now I'm in Tecno happy land:)

……………………………………….

Chapter nine

Zack smacked his head on the fine, polished, hardwood desk repeatedly.

There was a satisfying crack. He wondered whether he might be able to break Sephiroth's desk in this fashion. His Mako enhancements had made his skull surprisingly durable, but he decided it wasn't worth the possible pain involved.

Still slumped over the desk he looked at the disarranged, 'White Evil' on the desk with glazed eyes.

This was his punishment; inhuman amounts of paper work. Seph knew how to hit him where it hurt.

Sephiroth had said that he was going to a meeting and wouldn't be back until much later. But Zack knew better. Seph had just given him all this crap to do, because he wanted to get out of it. He was probably out golfing somewhere.

A mental image appeared to Zack of Sephiroth golfing was someone's severed head. He tried to shake the picture away.

Zack sunk into self pity. He wasn't made for this. He belonged being active. He had too much unexpressed physically potential. It was just like being in high school again… He had thought SOLDIER would be the perfect life for him, one which was dangerous and exhausting, but where he would never have to sit still again for more then thirty minutes together.

Now Sephiroth had done this to him.

Zack sighed and picked up a paper listlessly, not really seeing it.

Cloud really had just as much right to the paper work as he had. But he had gotten it because Seph hated him…or maybe because this was his second offence…or maybe because cadets weren't aloud to look at this super classified shit…or maybe because the Seph was always strangely tolerant of Cloud…

Cloud. That was exactly who he needed. Zack pick himself up off the desk a little.

He was bored as hell and the kid was probably really good at paper work. Look how good his grades were with all that academic stuff.

Hmm, but it really wouldn't be right to pull him out of classes…

Zack tried to focus and read. This wasn't one of the endless mission reports or statistics on the output of Mako reactors; it was an invitation to some sort of fancy shindig.

Zack could tell it was fancy by the calligraphy and raised font. It was worded very delicately as well, to make sure that a person had to read it carefully just to figure out what was being said. But people like this were used to having everyone listen attentively.

Zack was not feeling very attentive at the moment. But he decided that since Sephiroth always went to those annoying little 'dinner parties' that he'd just except it for him and threw it in the 'out' box.

The president just _loved_ showing his General off to all of his corporate friends, and for reasons which Zack had yet to uncover, Sephiroth usually agreed to be displayed, making quite a fine show and glaring at everyone in sight. Zack was _almost_ curious to see it.

Zack saw that the stack of paper in front of him was almost gone and with the end of his misery in sight, he dug in with renewed energy.

It worked like a charm; almost before he knew it, the foe of hideous small print was vanquished. Zack smiled to himself, he was a SOLDIER and it was his job to survive and complete his mission.

He jumped out of the wretched chair-it really was a fine chair, all leather and high backed and swiveling-but he had come to find it impossibly confining and tiresome and therefore hated it. He was finally free and it felt so good.

Zack stretched and surveyed his work. Everything on the desk was orderly and tucked into its proper place. But what was…?

No. Oh God. No!

Personnel files. Not the personnel files.

Zack stared blankly at the pile of ruble on the other table. Gradually a look of despair and anguish crept into place and his moaned aloud. Why had he screwed up his life this badly? Why hadn't he quit when he had the chance? Why hadn't he reformed and chosen a better life?

But he didn't deserve this. He really didn't deserve _this_.

There was no way in hell he would last through this. He needed help.

-

Sephiroth strode through the halls of ShinRa, posture straight, shoulders back, chin up, aspect composed.

Anything else would have been very un-General like and would have tarnished his image. So even though he was exhausted, there was no outward indication of that fact.

The meeting had gone worse than he had expected, do to a prepared statement which had Palmer felt compelled to read. It was a detailed account of the success in his division since he came into management. Complete with graphs.

Sephiroth was glad that he remembered to bring some mild tranquilizers, which help to calm him and keep him from reflexively killing anyone. Even with the pills however, he could feel his fingers twitching and his hand inching toward his sword. But somehow he had managed to hold out for an hour and a half.

As torturous as the experience had been, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Palmer's monologue was cut short when Rufus claimed an indeterminate medical 'emergency', which appeared to be a combination of nausea, dizziness, confusion of speech, with fits of asthma mixed in. It was disturbing how often this occurred during Palmer's depositions, but Rufus being the president's son, i.e. the heir, prince, spoiled brat, etc., and it seemed believable to Palmer that he had a sickly constitution. He tucked his papers away for later.

Sephiroth had observed the action, blatantly glowering when his eyes had met with the vice president's. In the hall on the way the his rooms to 'recuperate', the ShinRa heir assured the General that he was going to send his Turks to seek-out and utterly destroy every trace of the deposition.

For once, the General blessed Rufus ShinRa.

It had still being a tiring day however, and as he neared the quieter halls leading to his office, Sephiroth let his strained muscles begin to relax.

He knew exactly what he would find in his office. Zack would be passed out on his desk with about three things done and all of his organic coffee beans consumed. He would kick Zack out, and for the little bit of the day that remained, he would have peace and quiet to finish the rest of the paper work himself. It wasn't really the work which was the punishment anyway, it was the making him sit at a desk all day.

Sephiroth reached his door, unconsciously quiet, his footsteps gliding over the floor.

"Please stay. I _**need**_ you."

Sephiroth looked around for his secretary. Now where in sight. He had to stop this as soon as possible.

"Zack, I really don't think we should be doing this."

Sephiroth's finger hovered over the key pad. He knew that voice.

"Don't worry so much. It'll be fine, I promise." Zack's voice was rather muffled.

"But what if Sephiroth comes back?" A shuffle.

"He said he wouldn't be here for a couple more hours. There'll be plenty of time."

"I don't know…"

"Come on Spiky, _please_."

"Alright…But I'm nervous. I've never done anything like this before."

"Relax, and just do what I tell you."

"Where do you want me?"

"There's not enough room for both of us on Seph's desk, will the floor work for you?."

"My back aches already."

"You're young, you can take it."

Sephiroth pinched the bridge his nose and exhaled deeply. There was a good explanation for this, a very good explanation. He wasn't going to have to maim his second in command. And he wouldn't kill anyone without thoughtful consideration. He was going to very, very calmly…

A yelp.

"Ouch! Zack that _hurts_!"

"Sorry…God, are you bleeding?"

It was hard to tell exactly what happened after that, but there was a damaged door and Sephiroth was most certainly inside his office.

"Whoa, Seph!" Zack hastily removed his boots from the desk.

Sephiroth glanced from Zack to the unmolested cadet, who sat on the floor behind knee-high stacks of classified files nursing a paper cut.

"What's wrong, Seph? You look like Heidegger made another pass at you." Zack innocently and shuffled some papers, pretending that he had been doing something.

Sephiroth recovered his General like appearance as quickly as possible and tried to assess the situation. He tried, he tried very hard.

"What are you...?!" The silver haired man clutched his head. He just wasn't going to say it again. Not one more time.

Calm. Calm. Calm.

"Zackary," The General breathed deliberately. "This is highly sensitive information. Why do you have Cloud going through my classified files?"

"Why are you blushing, Seph?"

Sephiroth swiped a sharpened pencil off the desk and his eyes lit up.

Zack almost fell off his chair in haste to escape. "Whoa, don't kill me! You left me with too much work to do! There was no way I could have gotten it all done by myself."

Zack placed himself behind the protective chair.

"He doesn't read it or anything. He just files it with that weird decimal code you've got-he actually got it figured out-and he check's my spelling, and does all the bending…I mean you're taller than I am, I don't know how you tolerate those really low filing cabinets…"

Zack's rambling explanation was saved from the misery of its existence by the General's desk phone.

"Yes." Sephiroth growled.

"_The President ShinRa for you, Sir!"_ A disgustingly cheerful female voice proclaimed.

"Put him through."

Zack sighed as a stack of papers began to collapse. Cloud rescued them with SOLDIER like reflexes.

"What?" Sephiroth asked.

Zack turned to watch Sephiroth closely. First the man's eyebrows raised, then his mouth twisted and he frowned, then his eyes turned to him and narrowed in a way that Zack did not like at all.

Sephiroth's hung up and Zack found new cause to clutch the chair. The General's voice was low and chill as ice.

"Get out Zack, while you still can."

…………………………

Short, very short and teasing I know, but in the next one we'll find out why our dear Sephy is so pissed (again). Any guesses? Yeah, you probably already know…

And thank you sooooo much for all the lovely, lovely reviews! You guys are just wonderful! Totally blew me away:D I loves you:D –does happy snoopy dance- I feel so inspired!


	10. Chapter 10 Cadets are not Pets

Chapter ten

"Geh! What did I do this time?! Whatever they said they were lying!" Zack backed up toward the wall.

"That was the president, calling to express his satisfaction that I will be attending a certain annual ShinRa event…" Thankfully Sephiroth did not advance beyond the desk.

Zack scratched his head and looked at the floor. "Heh, um, yeah that. I thought you always went to those…"

The General sighed. "Do you have _any_ godly idea what kind of debouched orgy you've signed me out to?"

"It's an orgy?!"

Sephiroth growled. "Not officially, but the pretext of the gathering leads one to draw unfavorable conclusions."

"Pretext?" Zack held learned to understand some of Sephiroth's word twisting and guessed that this word, held the most potential for an explanation.

"Participants are expected to arrive in the guise of a fictional or legendary character." Sephiroth rubbed his forehead.

"Is that all?" Zack let his disappointment show, though at the moment, it was a rather dangerous thing to do. "Kids do that sort of thing all the time in school."

"Oh, the quality of our educational institutions…" The General muttered.

"It's not like you have to cross dress or anything, what's so scary about it?"

"The fact the ShinRa will be there dressed as God knows what."

Zack winced and closed his eyes at the various painful images which surfaced. "You got me there…"

Sephiroth crossed his arms and drummed his fingers on a nicely defined bicep. "You could have at least read the damn thing before you accepted it for me." He fumed in an almost un-general like manner. Sephiroth had decided long ago that Zack was bad for his frozen demeanor.

"It was an accident!" Zack cried. "Besides just because you…erm, _got_ accepted, doesn't mean you have to go. It's not like they can make you. Just skip out." Zack threw himself back into the General's comfy chair.

Sephiroth reflected a bit into his painful history. "The last time I tried that, ShinRa declared me 'Missing In Action' and sent Palmer and Heidegger to find me."

Zack stared for a while. "…Wow. I knew he was power mad and evil…but that…" Zack shook his head slowly, in evident wonder.

The General sighed.

"I'm really sorry, Seph. I had no idea. ….now you're gonna be stuck with all those weirdos. Shit, uhg."

"Oh," Sephiroth raised an elegant eyebrow. "You're sorry…I know you're very sorry…"

"What are you thinking, Seph?" Zack asked, his voice heightening ever so slightly in pitch. He was more than a little worried.

"What do you think I'm thinking?" Sephiroth smiled evilly.

Zack cringed. The Silver General only used that playful tone when he was planning something truly awful.

"No. You wouldn't…" Zack jaw dropped. "It was an accident, that's all! You're stronger than I am! I couldn't handle it! I'll do all your paper work for the rest of the month! Two months!"

"I could order you to do my work for me if I wanted to. But considering the present turn of events, I think we can both see that the last possible thing I would want is for you to become involved in my affairs again."

Zack moaned under his breath.

"No. There is only one way for you to atone for your offences… You _are_ coming with me."

"But…!"

"If I am going to make it through the evening, I'll need a diversion and someone to sick inebriated stalkers onto."

Zack whined one more time before acknowledging that resistance was inposssible. "Okay, but if I'm going with you, then Cloud's going with me." Zack ignored the General's frown. "If I'm stuck there with just you and your stalkers for a few hours, I'm liable to go crazy. And last time I checked you weren't really happy with what happens when I go crazy…"

Sephiroth frowned more. "I don't think a social function of this nature is a beneficial atmosphere for a young teenager."

"Seriously, it's not really an orgy. And if the mode of the hour changes, we can just beat it outa there. That's the idea anyway, right?"

"Well then, I suppose. As long as you keep track of him." The General thought about that statement for a second and sighed. "Never mind. _I'll_ keep track of him."

Cloud had been noticeably quiet of late, and Sephiroth checked to make sure he was still alive.

The inconspicuous cadet was organizing the stacks of paper which inundated him, working with a level of deftness and coordination that impressed even the General himself. Cloud was completely immersed in his work, burning through files and tapping his foot rhythmically. Every so often his spiky head would bob slightly or his lips would move, forming some silent phase. Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow at this and looked at Zack for an explanation, who pointed to the wires stemming from Cloud's ears which lead into the pocket of his fatigues.

"That was kind of parta the bribe to get him to help me. He loves the thing already." Zack grinned.

Sephiroth's listened into the sound of the tiny ear phones and grimaced at the heavy beat and confused lyrics. The fact that there were lyrics was bad enough; they were an unnecessary detraction from the true essence of the music and were only acceptable in opera. And this was _not_ opera.

"You really should get him better music." Sephiroth said as sternly as possible.

Zack shrugged. "What do I know about that? You get him some."

"Huhm, you're right. I would be the only one to know artfully created music if I heard it. And he deserves some sort of compensation if he is to be put through this."

Zack seemed to be less hysterical now, with the idea of attending the ShinRa atrocity and suddenly brighten in a way that the General did not like at all.

"Hey, you know under the circumstances, we could dress him as absolutely _anything_..."

"No."

"But…"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" Zack made himself look offended.

"I know the way your mind works…or rather, doesn't work…"

"Honestly. You always think the worst of me. It was a really good idea, you'd like it…"

"No. I would not."

"What if I got him to agree?"

"How?"

Zack thought for a minute. "I have a PlayStation that I never use…"

Sephiroth growled, realizing Zack had dragged him into a conversation which he had never intended to participate it.

"You will not bribe or blackmail a dependant of SOLDIER. Is that understood?"

"Okay, I'm sure we wouldn't have too, if his superior…"

"Cadets are not pets, Zackary!" The silver haired man's eyes glowed brightly.

"Who said anything about pets? Really Seph, you have a perverted mind."

The pencil Sephiroth had been clutching snapped loudly and his eyes acquired a wonderful new hue of green.

"I don't know why you're still alive…" He said in that low voice, which was almost always an omen of ill foreboding.

"Heh, I really have no idea..." Zack spun it the chair.

Yes! It swiveled!

"So what are you going to be wearing?" Zack changed the focus of the conversation.

"I don't know. I am not well immersed in popular culture themes."

"I could think up something you might not mind." Zack offered, waiting for the glaring and suspicious rejection.

Sephiroth looked at him askance and considered. "Yes…I would appreciate that, Zack." He nodded.

Zack beamed when Sephiroth didn't immediately assume that he was trying to think of deviant ways to humiliate his commanding officer.

"Okkee dokkee! Let's see…" Zack rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "…someone silent and brooding…looks evil all the time…cold on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside…"

"Enough!" Sephiroth couldn't bear any more of Zack's interpretation of him. "Just as long as the costume is acceptable…" He glanced at Cloud again, then back at the thoughtful brunette.

Zack looked up wide eyed. "I swear to God, Seph!"

* * *

I'm not completely sure what they'll all be dressed as, so I hope it'll turn out okay. Unfortunately Cloud will be wearing neither a dress nor a kitten costume...Seph is so mean...

(insert piteous groveling for reviews here)

Thanks for reading:D


	11. Chapter 11 Dress Up

**Special thanks to Glaurung II. Her idea for Seph's costume was way better than mineXD …she should dress him everyday :3**

………………………………………….

Chapter eleven

"Noooo!!!!!!!" A blood curdling scream.

"It washes out." Zack shook the can again and held it menacingly over the cadet's head.

"But…but…but its friggin' _pink_, Zack!"

"Well, nature did a good job with the spiky blondness but there has to be some pink too, or the look won't work."

"This can't be right, what kind of person has pink hair?" Cloud held Zack's wrist.

"I don't know. Be glad yours doesn't grow that way." Zack shook his wrist free and pressed that awful button on top the can.

Cloud clamped his eyes shut, not to protect them from the burning evil spray but so he couldn't see what was happening to him. He whimpered pitifully at the thought of what he would look like when he opened them, but Zack only continued to mercilessly disfigure his golden locks.

"There, all done." Zack smiled. "Um…you can open your eyes now."

Cloud shook his head. "Not until I get past the mirror."

"It's not _that_ bad, look." Zack shoved him in front of the glass.

Cloud opened his eyes slowly, fully prepared to cringe at what he saw.

Really, it wasn't that bad. Zack had gone easy on the coloring and it was only the very tips of his spikes that were a deep magenta. He reached up to feel his hair but Zack snatched his hand away.

"Nu-uh, don't touch until it dries. By rights, there shouldn't be black in there but I didn't think that I could got the pink to stick overtop of it and your hair's so light, I didn't know how well it would take."

"Guess it's not as bad as I thought." Cloud acknowledged but remained frowning.

"Of course not. And there's gonna be people with a _lot_ weirder hair then that, I promise you. Now we can fix the collar."

Zack set the buckle into the lowest notch, with was really none too small, but which Cloud found great displeasure with.

"It's strangling me! Uhg, why don't you have something this painful to wear?"

"Hey, I'm the one carrying around a hundred and fifty pounds of dead weight on my back."

"I supposed that's true…"

"There, all done!" Zack stepped back to survey his work and let out a low whistle. "Maybe I shouldn't have…I wonder if it's illegal…no, couldn't be…"

"What?"

Zack heard the door _shink_. "Ah, there's Seph!" Zack turned to the door, then stopped. A grin brimming with enough evilness to rival the Silver General himself appeared on his face as he eyed the can of pink hair coloring. "He would love this…"

"You wouldn't…" Cloud breathed.

"Hmmm….YAHH!" Zack yowled as the highly volatile substance in his hand combusted. "Shit! Ouch! That hurts, Seph!" He yelled into the other room as black powder drifted into the bathroom sink.

"You keep forgetting that I can sense malicious intent, Zack." Sephiroth appeared in the doorway and immediately observed Cloud's changed visage. He had expected some alteration in hair color but the clothing was more or less a surprise.

Cloud tugged at his vastly uncomfortable collar, which was constructed of a heavy leather band; buckled in the center and with silver studs adorning it. Similar bands encircled his wrists, and a set of matching oversized, studded belts which somehow managed to stay hanging precariously off of his hips. Dark blue fabric, of which there was no excess, draped in every location where there was the tiniest bit of slack and his arms were bare. A stiff collared, half-cape swayed on his shoulders. Lastly and most importantly, a heavy (when I say heavy, I mean _heavy_) metal chain hung around his neck, to which was attached a triangular pendant inscribed with hieroglyphs which reached past his waist.

"Zack, I told you not to dress him like a stripper, or any sort of…"

Cloud made a strange noise and glared at Zack.

"He is not! He dressed as a normal school kid…I guess." Zack scratched the back of his head.

Sephiroth gave him that questioning look.

"At least he was supposed to be…I don't remember being able to wear that kinda thing in school…but that's how the character goes. He's a normal like high-schooler that's all."

"And what makes him a desirable character to embody?"

"He has special _talents_!" Zack explained. "Oh yeah…" Zack ran into the living room where he had left a box of cards and threw them to Cloud. "Now it's perfect."

"_What_ is it?" Sephiroth demanded.

"It's a Yugi!" Zack 'explained' energetically and then waved toward the clock. "Better get dressed, Seph."

"At least it's not a girl." Sephiroth muttered and shut the bedroom door behind him, not really noticing that he had just done as Zack had told him.

Cloud stared at the now closed bedroom door.

"Don't let your thoughts wander, Spiky." Zack gave him that devilish grin again.

"Why did he say that?" Cloud asked.

"Say what?" Zack aimlessly began wandering the room.

"Why would he think you'd dress me, like, like…that." Wide cadet eyes implored Zack for a justifiable reason.

"Don't look so worried, Spiky. I just like to get a rise out of him every once in a while."

"But you would actually do something like that to me, right? You know I have enough trouble not standing out for ridicule…"

"'Ridicule'? What's wrong with you that anyone would pick on?"

"But you wouldn't right?"

"What?"

"Just answer."

"Why would you ask something like that?"

"Why won't you answer the question?!"

"You're overreacting."

"Just say that you wouldn't!"

"I can't do that. What if it was some sort of covert Wutai spy mission or something?"

"In combat with Wutai, I am training to fight to the death if need be. Answer the damn question!"

"Yes, but your death may not be what is needed and you must show total dedication to the cause!"

"You're changing the subject!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No…!"

"Stop it, both you!" Sephiroth bellowed from the now open bedroom doorway. "If I wanted to hear constant bickering, I would have become involved in some sort of reproduction program."

"Ouch, Seph, that's a scary thought when you _don't_ phrase it quite that way... Little Sephiroth's running around…he-he, that might be kind of cute…"

"Zack, stop now." The 'cute' word almost made him snap sometimes when applied to himself.

"Hee-hee, ShinRa would have to at least triple their insurance policy…but you might make a decent dad…I mean, they'd at least have really good teeth…" Zack pondered.

"You should have stopped approximately three seconds ago, Zackary."

"…you'd have to learn to loosen up a bit though…kids need fun…but that's where I'd help out! Hey! They'd probably end up calling me Uncle Zack! Heh, that wouldn't be too bad! They'd have big green eyes and silver hair…" Zack smiled to himself. Then he noticed…

Oh, shit. Sephiroth had that _look_ again.

Zack whirled around to see Cloud if had any appearances of distress which he could exploit.

"Cloud?"

Sure enough, the kid had a rather blank expression on his face which seemed out of place on him.

"Cloud?! That's wrong?!" Zack tried to put as much panic into his voice as possible and snapped his fingers an inch from the cadet's nose.

Cloud jerked back scowling. "What? It's nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing."

"Oh, thank God you're okay!" Zack hugged him. "Now, how do you like what I got for Seph?"

Sephiroth tugged at the feather-light fabric tied around his neck.

"He-he, I knew I'd never get him too agree to anything that wasn't at least mostly back. I sear he doesn't even know there are other colors."

There was indeed a good deal of black, showcased by a billowing cloak, lined in a white which mirrored the General's snowy hair. The collar was far from inconspicuous and rose almost to his ears before falling back down to his shoulders, giving a rather non safe impression. A tailored coat came down to his mid thigh, trimmed with a tasteful mount of gold, which clearly implied a noble birth. Its cuffs were just as extreme as the collar and also accented with gold. Beneath this was yet another well fitted dark vest, closed in front by four silver fasteners. Directly around his waist, a simplistic belt bore the weight of his rapier, with the aid of some extra chains. Little change could be found in the pants however; they were still fairly close fitting, and back, somewhat shiny, well yes, they were tight. The boots gloved his calves and reached up to mid-knee, they had to a sturdy but considerably high heal, raising his normally conspicuous height too…?

Suffice it to say that the ceiling was reaching minimum clearance. All in all, the new wardrobe expanded the Silver General's bubble of personal space from ten feet, to roughly fifteen.

The tie of Sephiroth's discontent, originated from a white satin shirt beneath the rest of the gear, which managed to somehow be very fitting.

"I compliment your presence of mind, Zack, in seeing to it that I was not deprived of certain necessary accessories." Sephiroth flexed his fingers. His hands were still clad in those omnipresent leather gloves.

Zack smiled, pleased with himself.

"But I must question your apparent interest in _strangling_ everyone whom you are designated to attire." Sephiroth frowned furiously, giving another tug at the satin.

"Not my fault. Blame character designers." Zack shrugged.

Sephiroth jingled the familiar looking chain which held his cape in place. "Are we getting a discount rate for these?"

"Yeah, actually. How'd ya like the sword? I sharpened it myself just so I'd know you'd like it. It's perfectly usable."

"Ah, yes," A very faint look of satisfaction came into Sephiroth face as he drew the slender rapier examining the razor edge and an elegantly narrowed point. "The lack of range and slashing abilities of this is nothing short of embarrassing."

"Eh?!" Zack's mouth dropped open. "After all the work I went to for your damned perfectionism! Hell if I'll ever try and find anything for you again! Fastidious bas-…!"

"However," The silver haired man cut Zack off before had could dig a pit any deeper. "It is extremely light and portable, with an exceptional stab attack. I believe I will keep it." He sheathed the weapon with on flourish and a sharp snick. "One can never have too many side arms."

"Humph." Zack milked the moment for the full five seconds, during which he was capable being angry.

"Shouldn't you be dressed?" Sephiroth asked.

"I am!"

"Buttons where make for a reason you know." The General motioned pointedly to his shirt and jacket which were undone _well_ down his chest.

"Ha, whatever you say, Mr. I'm too sexy for a shirt." Zack slung the enormous metal cross onto his back.

"I believe I've explained this on multiple occasions, Zack. The only way that the armor will stay properly…"

"Heh, whatever!" Zack snatched the chain around Cloud's neck and pulled him toward the door.

"Hey, this is really handy!"

……………………………………

Voila! The costumes I entrapped our lovely bishies in:D I hope they are to everyone satisfaction. If you haven't seen them, I posted pics on my profile and if you have seen them, they're still kind of pretty. Yes indeed, you didn't need all that LONG description of what Cloud and Seph were wearing did you? But you guys don't mind toooo much, do you?

Sephiroth is none other than the lovely Alucard of the Castlevania universe! I swear these two are the same person. Again thanks to Glaurung II!

Cloudkins is Yugi Moto of Yu-gi-oh of course! I was reading a profile on Yugi and it said something about him being a pure-hearted, sweet kid and I'm thinking, ah, he's perfect! So I start examining his clothes, and begin thinking…WTF? Innocent high schooler, eh? XD well, that worked itself into the story. I realize there was kind of a slightly different outfit that he wore, were the emblem whatzit was hung on a normal cord. But that wasn't as sexy enough for my purposes…no that wouldn't do at all!

And Zack is Wolfwood a la Trigun! Because…because…heck I don't know, he's just hot!

Next episode may be quite a bit longer and will be located at the event itself! How many dreadful things do you suppose can happen there?

And review pweeease! I worked so hard!XD


	12. Chapter 12 How to Behave at a Party

Sephiroth RufusLove::squee kawaii!!::

(Umm, that doesn't really have anything to do with the fic so it's safe to continue)

…………………………….

Chapter twelve

They arrived in grand style. ShinRa had sent a fancy private limo to pick them up, just to be extra sure that Sephiroth didn't try to skip out on his lovely party.

The scene of the atrocity was the same large white, gold trimmed galleria used for all other ShinRa events, such as the Christmas Ball and anniversaries. But the lights were turned down low for a more intimate, relaxed, informal atmosphere and the music was thudding a slow but more pronounced bass then usual.

"It doesn't look that bad, so far." Zack observed optimistically.

"Just wait." Sephiroth answered, infinitely displeased with the world.

"Well, I'm going to find drinks! See y…"

Sephiroth used his well practiced vice grip on Zack shoulder to detain him. "_You_ are coming with me."

"Yeah, sure." Zack grunted, unsuccessfully trying to detach the Grip of Death™ and picking up his pace to keep time with the General's determined strides.

Cloud trotted along side, curious. Though the room was quite crowded he never bumped into a single person while trailing Sephiroth. He hung back at least five feet but General's cape still brushed against his legs occasionally. There was a lot of space around the general.

"The sooner ShinRa is informed of our presence, the sooner he will be contented to be deprived of it." Sephiroth explained rationally.

"Ugh, Seph, do we have to?"

"This is the prime objective of this mission."

"I miss Wutai…" Zack moaned as he was dragged toward the objective.

"It did have certain advantages." The General agreed.

"It would be so peaceful over there right now…I wish you had built a summer home or some thing…"

"If I had Zack, I severely doubt that you would be in it."

"You'd have nice Jacuzzi in it too wouldn't you? You know I love those…"

"Where is that pompous bastard?" Sephiroth scanned the room and muttered to himself.

"Is that…?" Zack looked around as well. Drawn from his deep pondering, he thought he saw what looked like the president.

"Oh God, no."

Sephiroth secured his hold on Zack so that he couldn't bolt. The pain of the clenching fingers might have made him squirm and protest if something far more threatening wasn't attacking his tormented mind.

Zack found that is sight not failing. It was the very man, sporting a lovely silk poet shirt of deep crimson, straight off the cover of a harlequin romance novel. Billowing sleeves make the look authentic, and a complete lack of fastenings in the front exposed ample amount of chest and stomach. There were also pants involved in the ensemble, designed after a similar style, but courage fails to tell of these. Let it suffice to say that all that was available to exhibit was exhibited, a considerable amount.

Zack clamped his eyes shut. "I feel violated."

"It does seem like some sort of violent assault." Sephiroth agreed.

"Cloud, close your eyes." Zack admonished.

"What?" Cloud's view of the offending object was presently blocked by the excessively tall General and the hulking cross mounted on Zack's back.

Sephiroth turned to the cadet. "Cloud, you are free to go as you please for now, but do be wary. There are more then a few…_unsavory_ elements present here."

"Yes, Sir." Cloud nodded and made his way through the crowd.

"Wait, he gets to leave and I don't?" Zack whined.

"Cloud's mind is young and there is still some hope that he can be preserved from unnecessary trauma." Sephiroth explained patiently.

"You were the one who proposed that cadets be trained in ripping the sculls out of live war prisoners." Zack reminded him with a small cringe.

"Your point being?"

"My point…" Zack glance at the president and shivered. "…you're right." He relented. "There's trauma and them there's _trauma_…disturbing images that wake you up in the night in a cold sweat…"

"We are going now." Sephiroth shoved him toward.

"Okay, okay. Um, Seph?"

"What is it now, Zackary?"

"I can't feel my arm at all."

-

It was certainly an odd affair. Cloud wandered randomly through the groups lounging it seemed, around a common gathering point. He wound his way carefully through the tangled forms until he reached the core around which every thing else revolved.

Alcohol.

This was the place where it was mixed, mutilated and administered. This was the turning center, of the immediate cosmos.

Cloud's attention was caught by a bright a splash of bright red in his peripheral vision and the clanking of glass.

"Tabasco, yo!"

The man behind the now-converted-into-bar, produced a bottle of red liquid. It was promptly emptied into a half full glass and sipped.

"Too sweet."

Another dispenser of substance so dark it was almost black.

"Too weak."

Something clear was liberally applied. Cloud acquired a concern expression.

Another sip. "Ah-ha!"

How could something such a disturbing color taste good? Cloud wondered.

"Yo, Blondie! You just gonna stare at my ass all night?"

What the…?

The man in the man in the pink kimono with flaming hair turned around smirking. "Mirrors." He gestured to the glass plating the area.

"I wasn't…" Cloud frowned and tried to defend his purity but was cut off in the attempt.

"Oh, I don't mind. Beauty is made to be admired!"

Actually it was hard to see anything under the kimono, but don't tell Reno that.

He smirked again and downed the disturbing liquid he had just mixed. Very soon his pale skin turned near to the some color as his hair.

"I…" Cloud was intending to vindicate his besmirched honor again, but nothing ever works out the way you plan, especially in the presence of a Turk.

"What you need is a drink, yo!" The redhead pounded the bar for attention and then ordered something on a low voice.

Cloud eyed the conglomeration of bizarre spices and plant juices lined up on the counter. "There's no way I'm drinking that!"

"Heh-heh, of course not, yo! This is only for those with _experience_. I'm not gonna kill you. You need somethin' _sweet_."

Soon enough, something of a horrific green was presented which the redhead seemed to think aught to be ingested by humans. Its appearance suggested otherwise.

Reno pushed it in the cadet's direction.

"That doesn't look like a good idea." Cloud looked from the brilliant green liquid to the man attired in pink, trying to decide which he distrusted more.

"They call it…Mako. And it's good for you!"

Cloud felt himself becoming curious. "Why do they call that?"

"Well, there's the color, yo! And they say it makes you feel like you've had Mako…"

"Does it?" Cloud reminded himself that he shouldn't be so interested.

"In some ways."

The blonde decided that it would be okay to try it as long as he was careful to note any reactions to it.

It was sweet, almost sickeningly so, and very, very warm.

-

"Where are you going so soon, General?" The president protested. "Aren't you even curious to know what my costume is?"

Sephiroth coughed eloquently. "I believe that information should be highly classified in the interest of…public safely."

"Hmmm, well classification is usually a good idea… Oh, but this masque was truly a stupendous concept!" The president exclaimed.

"Yes…" Sephiroth's lips cured up in a most unpleasant fashion. "Who is to be credited for this delight? I should truly like to know."

"You don't think that should be held in confidence as well?" ShinRa sipped his champagne, thinking of how nice it would be, to have the opportunity to deny Sephiroth something.

"Perhaps," Sephiroth replied with practiced nonchalance. "I only wished to _thank_ the individual, for an inspired evening." He carefully worked to keep the green glow to a minimum.

The president's eyebrows shot up gleefully. Was that tone becoming laced with a confined maliciousness and hatred?

"Oh, you may as well know! It was my own _dear_ son who thought of it!" ShinRa smiled jovially.

The General had his own smirk to reply with. "Really? I don't believe I'm familiar with anyone of that title."

"How _can_ you be so sarcastic, my good Sephiroth?!" The president looked truly hurt. "It was the blessed child himself who first suggested this lovely affair! Rufus!" ShinRa turned and waved some one over. "_Rufus!_"

Nothing happened and ShinRa turned back a little redder, but laughing indulgently. "Such an independent youth!" He beamed, overflowing with paternal affection. "But do come and sit down, I'm sure he'll be by shortly and you can _thank_ him yourself." He waved in the direction of he own reserved table, the motion causing his silken sleeves to billow and the shirt to teeter on the brink of his collar bone, nearly falling down his arm.

Sephiroth glanced at Zack who was slumped on his shoulder. "Of course that would be _ideal_. But I believe my second is in need of fresh oxygen…"

Zack clutched Sephiroth's arm and gasped shakily.

"Oh my, I see what you mean." ShinRa looked at Zack with a raised eyebrow. "Please don't let him die right there on the floor. Bodies always make the guests feel so unwelcome."

"That is to be expected I'm sure. Though it seems to me that we could use more eye catching decorations."

"Hee-hee-ha, well you are morbid tonight!"

Sephiroth nodded and turned to leave, with Zack gripping his shoulder for dear life.

ShinRa called after him. "And do take care of that man there! The wellbeing of my loyal SOLDIERs is a mater very close to my heart!" He swept his hand to his bared chest dramatically.

Sephiroth kept walking quickly, pretty much carrying Zack, until they were out of sight of the president. Zack was still in a weakened state and remained glued to him for a few minutes, while everyone else's eyes remained glued to the General as usual, and now the man stuck to him.

"I wish you wouldn't cling to me in public, Zack."

"Does that mean you'd want me to cling to you in private?"

"If this were a private situation, I would simply throw you into the nearest wall."

"Ouch. I knew you were into that."

"You forget that I have no reason not to kill you later."

"You wouldn't do that! I don't think…"

"Hmm," Sephiroth considered. "It is important that there not appear to be any breach in the chain of command, therefore I forgo any violent reprimand. Otherwise, do not doubt that you would be writhing in agony for your multiplied acts of insubordination and inappropriate conduct."

"Did you just say 'writhing', Seph?"

"Now that I consider it, you do begin to look ill, perhaps I aught to considering requesting Hojo to attend you."

Zack's eyes dilated in horror and his face became pale and drawn. "Okay, maybe the killing thing, but I _know_ you wouldn't do _th-that_ to me!"

"Hmm, I think I will report you condition and inform him that you need to be fixed."

"Eh?! What do you mean 'fixed'?!" Zack jumped back in terror, suddenly strong enough to stand of his own volition, or even run if need be.

Sephiroth smiled slightly now that his second was detached from him. But the pleased expression vanished when he saw the president's son approaching with a devious smirk. Obviously, it was likely enough to encounter him this far away from the encampment of ShinRa the elder.

"Well, General Sephiroth." Rufus greeted with silky tone.

The General nodded. Zack noticed that he was being ignored.

"I must compliment you on a very striking costume." Rufus carelessly waltzed through the Silver General's bubble of separation. He even came within five inches of the The Cape and looked up at Sephiroth, without seeming even slightly concerned for his health or the well being of his immortal soul. "But I really didn't expect to see you here." The evil teenager commented from his…_three piece white suit._

Zack decided that if he was going to be overlooked, he may as well spend his time profitably, it search was liquor. Sephiroth paid his departure little heed, too absorbed in the fact that the ShinRa brat had not only invaded _his_ space, but was actually near touching the swaying hem of his cape. Worst and most offensively he had clearly contradicted his own concept of the masque and was garbed in his usual fair.

"Hello, Rufus." Sephiroth unleashed his pointed Slice-out-your-liver-and feed-it-to-you look. "I would not expect those inebriated persons present here who do not possess my own level of mental acuity to notice this, but you are _not_ in costume."

"Oh, but I am." Rufus replied with his Freezing-hell-over gaze. "I'm dressed as my clone."

_The little bastard._ Sephiroth thought silently. He had devised a way to maintain his own dignity, while seeing everyone else arrayed in bizarre fashions according to his fancy, even the Silver Haired General himself. Sephiroth should have known better then to allow this to happen to him.

"Hmm, clones can be an amusing pastime. But I was under the impression that the only family that you enjoyed was your father." Sephiroth smiled and upgraded to his Removing-your-skin-with-a-filet-knife-while-infusing-you-with-platelets glare.

Rufus had seemed to be enjoying himself. He was both delighted and dismayed to find someone who could meet his otherwise unrivalled stare and had decided to make the most of the situation by engaging in combat. The reference to his paternal scourge however disgruntled him somewhat and he frowned slightly.

"Ah yes, my father…" He advanced to the Thaw-you-with-liquid-nitrogen glance. "You _do_ know what will happen once he reaches maximum alcohol content don't you?"

"I have not had the privilege to witness any such occurrence."

"Some find it humorous." Rufus' thin smile appeared once more. "He becomes strangely infatuated with the concept of ascension and will try to rid himself of the trappings of civilization."

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "You are merely attempting to secure the demise of your father at my hands."

"Just wait and see." Rufus stated calmly. "And I think you should check on your cadet soon, a certain Turk of mine…"

Rufus simply raised his fine eyebrows and let his voice tail away.

Sephiroth certainly could move fast when he felt inclined.

………………………

How you like?

Next chapter will have much more Reno!! Promise!! His day is yet to come, heehee…

I invoke the power of the blue button upon thee!!!! Review or I won't write anymore damnit! XD


	13. Chapter 13 Renosota

This is the longest chapter of this fic ever! Heh, and it's still not that longXD A while back I was thinking that I wanted to make something a bit peculiar for 13, then completely forgot about it until the Reno ep just accidentally landed there. Heheh, I think it fits perfectly. Also, please don't ask where the chapter title came from. Then I would have to think about it, and I really don't want to do that. …It had something to do with Minnesota but beyond that, everything is blank.

And yes, Reno is dressed as Rurouni Kenshin! Did you ever notice the hair?

Warnings: Ooooh, this one has a bad word in it, yo!!!

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Chapter thirteen…doom…doom…

Zack trudged though the barricade of costumed party goers. The center of liquor distribution seemed to exert a near irresistible force which attracted all matter toward it. As with the event horizon of a singularity, the closer he got, the thicker the barrier became and the denser the matter which collected.

Thankfully, this was no other than Zack the First Class! And there were few things known to man which could prohibit him from securing the beverage of his choice. There was hardly anyone as determined in these endeavourers then him, except perhaps one person…

Knowing this, Zack wasn't very surprised to see the mess of flaming red hair close to the bar. But the patch of blond-magenta so near was quite unexpected.

Zack's sense of wellbeing in the world was greatly infringed upon.

"Hey!" He called to get their attention.

"Zack!!" Cloud yelled in a too gleeful voice. He was smiling brightly and got up to greet his friend.

Reno looked up from what-ever-the-hell he was drinking, with that bored, cocky expression he wore so well. He looked Zack over.

"Now I know who stole my suit, yo!"

"It's not yours, ya damn Turk. Look." Zack the shoved the sleeves adorned with crosses under the redheads nose.

Reno's eyes widened. "You freakin' embroidered my cuffs, yo?!"

"Why in Gaia's name would I do that?" Zack swiped a full bottle of whiskey off the back shelf while the attended was turned.

"The hell if I know! I thought it was all my admirers stealin' my clothes all the time,yo."

"The only things that will be stealing your clothes are the dryer...and nesting mice." Zack snapped the top off and bottomed up the jug.

"And which one are you?"

Zack looked slightly incredulous. "It's not yours! Never was, isn't going to be. You can't have it!"

"Heh! It's not like I'd take it back after you wore it!" Reno countered.

Zack dropped into a chair and repeated the last procedure with the whiskey. "Why the heck are you hanging out with this Turk anyway, Cloud?"

"Umm…no reason." Cloud was still fidgeting energetically, too hyper to sit down, munching on the pretzels and caviar. A faint 'Mako' glow brightened his eyes.

"Great. What did you give him, Reno?"

"How is it my responsibility?" Disinterest was plastered all over his face.

"It was Mako wasn't it?"

"Maybe. What about it?"

Zack watched Cloud's movements carefully; he did seem to be handling it very well. He was overly animated (probably from the two thousand or so extra calories) but all of his bouncy steps were well balanced. And though he was quite too cheery, his enunciation was still better than Zack's and Reno's put together.

"Hmm. Still, I'm not sure if Seph will like this…"

"Seph. Seph? What's a Seph, yo?"

"Seph-i-roth." Zack pronounced.

"Yo, really? That explains a few things!" Reno tapped the collar around Cloud neck. "The she-man General himself, eh!"

At this, the formerly impervious to distress Cloud, whipped around with his eyes blazing. "Say that sometime when you aren't wearing pink!" He set his jaw with a look of fierce aggression.

"It's not pink. It's more like…light red, yo."

Cloud smirked in elated victory.

"Hey, it's not my fault your precious General has chick hair."

"Look whose talking!" Cloud glowered down at Reno and in an unprecedented display of both violence and immaturity; he grabbed the Turk's ponytail giving it a sharp tug.

"Hands off, twerp!" Reno smacked the blonde's hand away from his own silky tresses. "It's all in the style, Chocoboy. Do you see me with layered bangs and a straight iron, yo?"

"How do you know he has a straight iron?" Cloud demanded.

"I'm a Turk. It's my job to know _everything_."

"It's also your job to lie."

"Twerp…"

"Um, you know you probably shouldn't have touched him…" Zack interrupted, lowering the bottle from his mouth.

"He pulled my hair first! What the hell did I do wrong, yo?!"

"Well, Seph can be kind of…erm…protective. And he's gonna know."

"How?" Reno raised an extremely angular eyebrow in doubt.

"You know as well as I do that he has more Mako in him than blood. He can smell the tiniest scents on people. And he can hear amoebas crawling. He's probably listening to us right now."

"Now you're just trying to creep me out."

"It's true. He could probably listen to, and learn to recognize, the sounds of thousands of individual amoebas crawling simultaneously!"

Reno raised an eyebrow at the brunette. "Seriously, what's with the amoebas, man?"

"Actually, amoebas don't technically crawl." Cloud informed.

"It's all a comparison." Zack continued. "But he can focus on a lot of stuff at the same time. The freaky lab people tested him once by playing recordings of like sixty different scientists lecturing on their formulas and asked him to transcribe what all of them said."

"So, how'd he do?" The redhead asked skeptically.

"Well, actually he said the guys were all idiots and wrote up the formulas his own way."

"Really?" Cloud asked wide eyed. "What did they do with all the stuff he came up with?"

"Hojo's typing it up and slapping his name on it right now." Zack returned to his neglected drink.

"Why'd Sephiroth let him do that?!" The blond protested feeling very wronged.

"Well, Seph already has a job and didn't really care to go to the trouble of doing the paperwork it takes for that stuff. And nobody else but Hojo had the stomach to do it, cause the theorem stuff was all mixed up with advanced torture diagrams that Seph was working on a the time."

"Humph." Reno snorted. "Nobody knows torture like a Turk. Probably not even your Sephykins, or whatever you call him…"

Cloud leveled his deadliest glare at the sarcastic redhead for abusing his General's important name. He had been taking lessons from the best, but somehow the cadet's wide blue orbs still couldn't convey the all consuming hatred displayed in the green of his expert teacher. He needed more practice.

"Hey, you're pretty cute well you're mad, yo!" Reno taunted with a devilish grin.

Cloud's best glower was rudely interrupted by a surge of several elbowing partiers who slammed against him, knocking him off his feet and onto the very object of his disaffection.

The sudden onslaught was actually caused by discomfited ShinRa employees scattering to make way for a certain silver hair persona and the cape swirling around him (which even some of the densest realized, was _not_ to be touched).

After the scurry had quieted Sephiroth immediately came into view and lowered aforementioned hate brimming green eyes onto the kimono clad Turk.

Reno looked from Sephiroth to the slightly alcohol infused, blond cadet in his lap.

"Oh, fuck me."

Zack cringed and swallowed the rest of his whiskey before everything went to hell. It certainly didn't take long. Zack's back was toward the General but he saw Reno's eyes widen and the redhead jumped out of his seat suddenly, dumping Cloud unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Damn." Sephiroth cursed lightly, eyeing the unfamiliar rapier in his hand. "If I hadn't left Masamune, I could have killed him twice already."

"You don't have to kill him, Seph!" Zack insisted pounding his fist against the table for emphasis.

Reno had the Sakabato drawn and jumped onto the table. "You want a piece a me, yo?"

"When I'm done with you, there will be more than enough pieces go around." Sephiroth smiled slightly to point out just how evil his intentions where.

Reno as his normal cocky self appeared entirely un-phased. "Was that a threat, Sephy? I don't think caught the last part."

Zack cringed again, but it was far too late to try and do anything helpful. When he looked up Reno had already disappeared, and with the distinctive creak of leather and rush of air, Sephiroth was gone as well. Somewhere nearby he heard a couple clangs of metal and after dragging Cloud up from the floor, he rushed off in that direction.

A portion of the room was being cleared out to make way for the animated fighting, which to a good many peoples misfortune, was now ranging near the tables filled with assorted confections. Snacking was therefore halted until the end of the battle.

Zack watched with concern as Reno's lithe frame hit the floor. The Turk quickly bounced back to his feet and shrugged, with a smirk still on his face.

"Ooh, I expected more from The Great General Sephiroth, yo!" Reno taunted.

Cloud tugged at Zack's sleeve. "Um, Is Reno…okay?"

"Heh, yeah, he's a Turk! He has to be durable!" Zack explained.

"I mean…in the head." Cloud cast a worried look.

"Oh…um…that's a delicate subject…."

"Oh no! General, look out!" Cloud's eyes widened and he had jumped into the fray before Zack could even think of stopping him. He quickly dashed behind Sephiroth, past flying weapons and limbs, in an attempt to defend the General from whatever threat was there.

Sephiroth spun to look behind him. There didn't seem to be anything there besides the refreshment table.

"What is it, Cloud?" He asked while occasionally blocking a well placed kick from Reno's direction.

Cloud immediately looked down shifting on his feet. "It's…it's um...your hair was going to get in the punch, Sir."

Sephiroth frowned, wondering how he could have been so careless. "Thank you, Cadet. Now please stay at a safe distance."

The silver haired man turned back to find his opponent staring at himself and the blond with a mix look of incredulity and mockery.

"You risked your life to save his hair, yo?" He broke into sarcastic laughter. "I can't _wait_ to tell Rude about _this_!"

Sephiroth seized the moment, as Reno was distracted with his own merry thoughts to knock him to the floor, snatching the Sakabato.

"Whoa! No fair! I wasn't ready!" The redhead complained, while Sephiroth held both blades to his pale neck, clearly enjoying himself.

"Seph! You don't have to kill him, you know." Zack slammed his cross down nearby to lean on.

"I disagree." Sephiroth continued leering at Reno, but didn't make any moves yet. "He was clearly making inappropriate advances toward, Cloud."

"Actually, what you saw was all an accident. A bunch of people just shoved Cloud into him." Zack explained.

"Hah! Yeah, I'm not the one who keeps cadets as pets, yo!"

"Making calumnious insinuations concerning myself and a cadet in my employment!" Sephiroth snapped at Zack, inching the blades closer to Reno's presently flawless skin.

"I really don't think he can help it. I mean who in their right mind would say something like that, with you threatening to kill him?"

"You believe he should be excused on grounds of insanity?"

"Maybe just this once?"

"I that case, he was still giving alcohol to a minor for ambiguous purposes."

"Well, Spike's a little glowy, but if you look closely his not really intoxicated at all." Zack said proudly.

"Why do people always think the worst of me?" Reno mused.

Sephiroth snarled and continued reasoning with Zack. "He also admitted intending to give tainted and likely libelous reports of ShinRa representative."

"If he did blab to Rude, it's not like it would really go much farther." Zack countered.

"Ah, good point! Listen to the man!" Reno smirked cheerily.

"Having a generally degrading influence on society as a whole." Sephiroth offered.

"Yeah…be are you sure that's a reason to murder him, Seph?" Zack asked.

Sephiroth sighed not wanting to admit defeat. "But consider, Zack. If I kill him right here, we may never be invited to another one of these gatherings again."

"Oh…that's a good point." Zack looked thoughtful.

"Hey!!!" Reno yelled, looking betrayed. "You're the one supposed to be telling him not to off me, yo!!!"

"Yeah, yeah." Zack shrugged. "But now that I think about it, Seph… There are a lot better choices in people to kill…"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow and then threw the Battosai down beside Reno.

"Let's go." He gestured to Zack as a pleased expression crossed his face.

"Who's it going to be?" Zack grinned. "Palmer?"

"Palmer's almost seems too easy, there would be no sportsmanship in it."

"Where's Hojo? He might find an evil way to fight back." Zack suggested helpfully.

"He's in the lab copying my scientific theorems, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Zack frowned. "Why didn't he have to come to this anyway?"

"I believe he was bribed not to."

"By who?" Zack was intrigued.

"I am uncertain."

"I can answer that one, yo!" Reno smiled smugly, while leisurely picking himself off the floor. "But you'll have to let me have a favor." He let his eyes carelessly fall on the blond.

Sephiroth prepared to kill him again. The swirling of his cape and the sound of honed metal flying thought air was really quite majestic.

"Hooo! Why does he always do that!?" Reno jumped back.

"Just tell us already!" Zack prompted.

"Your General's a psycho…" Reno muttered.

"If it makes you feel any better; there's no way we could find out what happened without you and your completely awesome Turk powers."

Reno waited with an eyebrow raised.

"And yes…that's your natural hair color." Zack sighed.

Reno grinned. "I knew you'd have to admit one of these days! Well, the deal was, there was a covert sort of board meeting held over this party. I wasn't really paying attention, yo. But after a while they started passing the hat so to speak…"

"They really got enough to pay him off?" Zack interrupted.

"Well, you know that bunch of tight-asses. Everybody thought someone else was gonna put in more. So Rufus ended up threatening to blackmail or kidnap them all (with the assistance of your truly!) unless enough was collected." Reno smiled proudly.

"Huh, I didn't know Rufus minded Hojo that much." Zack remarked.

"Oh, he doesn't. He just likes blackmailing people, yo!" The redhead shrugged.

"Hey where'd everyone go?" Zack suddenly noticed the large empty room they were in.

-

**Ten minutes earlier.**

"Well, the party seems to be getting rough, Mr. President. Hahaha." Heidegger commented.

"Ah! So I see! What do you say, Heidegger, Turks or SOLDIERs?" ShinRa moved to get a better view of the action.

"Hmm, that's a tough one. It really wouldn't be right for me to say though, considering my position."

Palmer watched and then heaved a sigh. "Damn, I had my eye on that chocolate cake."

"There will be another one." Heidegger soothed.

"Are they moving in this direction?" The President became concerned.

"It looks that way…"

A loud thud resounded through the floor. "Damn, this is getter dangerous! Where are my Turks?"

"Actually…" Palmer pointed to the redhead who just let out a very loud squawk and began climbing a wall to escape the infuriated Silver General.

"It's a miracle I haven't been assassinated yet! I need responsible people to protect me!" ShinRa began ranting.

"Sir?" Rude was drawn to the president's frantic reference to 'Turks'

"Rude, I order you not to let anyone kill me, is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir." Was the succinct reply.

"Now, are the security cameras in this room working?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good!" ShinRa turned to the other executives smiling. "Everything's being recorded so that we can watch it later! For now we'll have to relocate to a different level!"

For the first time that night Rufus ShinRa appeared by his father's side. "Hmm, floor forty-three would work well." He commented in his normal smooth, unconcerned tone.

The President eyed him suspiciously and turned to Rude speaking in an undertone. "Is that the floor we had the chemical spill on?"

"No, Sir. That was twenty-three."

"Hmm." ShinRa cast another questioning glance at his blond progeny and shrugged, thinking perhaps he was out of tricks for the night. He really didn't know his son very well.

He gestured to his somewhat cowering guests, expansively. "We're moving to the forty-third floor! Please follow me! We'll have more drinks and refreshments brought there!"

Rude's brow knit as though trying to recall something. He leaned down and spoke in a low tone to the much smaller legacy of ShinRa. "Isn't forty-three the floor where the asbestos is being removed?"

A delicate smile settled over Rufus's young face. He brushed past the towering sunglasses clad man and addressed himself to the higher executives, yawning dramatically. "I'm afraid you'll have to continue without me. I am just too exhausted to stay up any longer." The President's son yawned again and smiled angelically.

-

"So they just all left like that?" Zack question the explanatory blond.

"Yeah." Cloud nodded, pink tinged spikes bobbing with the movement.

"Hmm…so they just left us with all the alcohol…and the food…and the sound system…" Zack continued thoughtfully.

"I guess."

"YES!!!" Zack jumped excitedly and pumped his fist in the air. "Now we can really get this party started!" He bounced over to one of the massive speakers, where the sound system was rigged up. "Hey, Reno…"

"No." Sephiroth interrupted.

"Aw, can't he stay?"

"I forbid it."

"Huh," Reno rolled his shoulders and spoke up before the General could banish him again. "I'm not hanging out with you ladies anyway."

"But…" Zack started protesting.

"No way." Reno waved over his shoulder. "I'm gonna find some friendly company that appreciates me, yo." The Turk sauntered away to the exit. "Sorry about this, Blondie. Later we can…"

Zack flipped on the stereo and cranked up the sound to max, releasing an earth shattering thud, followed by the blaring sounds of music which successfully drown out Reno's words. The Turk gave him a scowl and slinked away, while Zack smiled to himself over how clever he could be sometimes.

Once the danger had been averted, Zack adjusted the sound down a bit and began flipping though different sorts of music till he found something that caught his attention, then began tweaking the bass to his liking. And tweaking and tweaking and tweaking…

"Zack, push that button one more time and I kill you." Sephiroth threatened calmly.

"Okay, okay!" Zack vaulted over the counter to employ himself as bartender now. "What'll you two have?"

"The usual." Sephiroth ordered.

Cloud's curiosity had reached the point where he was actually going to ask what on Gaia it was that Sephiroth drank. He cleared his throat quietly. "Wha…"

"What's it gonna be, Spiky?!" Zack questioned impatiently.

"Um, well that Mako stuff was actually pretty…"

"Beer it is!!!" Zack smiled brightly after a significant look from the General.

With Zack's extraordinary SOLDIER abilities the drinks were served almost as soon as they could be named. With everything comfortably settled Zack threw himself down on one of the low couches scattered near the bar and pulled Cloud down beside him, who actually had enough alcohol in him to relax.

Zack slowly set about consuming his drink and sighed contentedly. "Ah, this is comfy."

"The atmosphere has definitely improved here." Sephiroth nodded, he sat near but opposite the other two in a much more dignified position.

"We should do this more often. Right spiky?" Zack rubbed his hand through the irresistible tufts of hair, gathering some of the magenta coloring onto his hand.

"Yeah." Cloud smiled quietly and pulled off the ten pound metal-spike adorned boots which Zack had fitted him with and sat cross-legged on the couch in his stocking feet.

The SOLDIER grinned at the previously unknown level of relaxation which Cloud was displaying, then remembered that it was probably owed to the minor-delinquency-contributing Reno. In fact, the whole reason that they had this entire floor to themselves was because of that very same redhead and his unique capacity to aggravate the Silver General.

"Seph, don't you feel a little guilty for kicking Reno out? After all, if he hadn't annoyed you, we wouldn't be in this nice set up right now."

Sephiroth flicked a strand of hair away from his face and brushed a speck of dust of his sleeve, so small that only his super-human eyesight could detect it.

"No."

"Oh, well." Zack sunk his back deeper into the cushioned couch.

"Ah yes…comfy."

…………………………

Oh yeah, 'Mako' was inspired by some weird thing that's made of like 7up, Gatorade and vodka or something. But that may not necessarily be all that's in it in this caseXD I bet Reno put sugar in it…

Remember to review! And a sweet thank you to everyone who's been reading so far


	14. Chapter 14 Cloud is not a Pastime

**Warning: Contains blatant Cloud worship.**

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Chapter fourteen

"Zack, wake up."

SOLDIER Zack Fair was being shaken hard enough to make him fall off the couch and onto the floor with a thump …but not hard enough to wake him. Contrary to any conventional reason, he was still snoozing away in this new position mumbling sleepily.

"…I don't want to go to Wutai…"

His persecutor had relatively little human sympathy and took the next logical step to wake him, which was of course kicking him in the ribs with his heavy yet elegant boot.

"Ugh, Seph…?" Zack grunted, consider whether or not he really needed to open his eyes; he was sure only the General would be so mean to an innocent sleeping person.

"Zackary, wake up now."

"Yes, Sir…whatever…" Zack pushed himself up and tried looking around. "Why are you always so mean?"

"I don't believe that question is sufficiently intelligent to be justified by a response." Sephiroth was standing calmly near the First Class with his arms crossed.

"My point exactly…" Zack moped exquisitely and pried himself completely off the floor.

"Wake Cloud. It's about damn time we got out of here. The janitorial service will be coming within an hour." The graceful silver haired man ordered.

Zack glanced at the dozing cadet and frowned. "Why do I have to do it?"

Sephiroth considered this for a moment. There were dozens of reasons; he was Zack's superior and it was his job to tell him what to do, Zack was Cloud's friend and therefore more closely responsible for the boy, he was habitually too rough in his actions and might accidentally knock Cloud on the floor (and he didn't deserve it like the previous man), he knew that he could be intimidating and Cloud would probably rather be woken in a strange place by Zack, he might accidentally brush against the hair and contract some of the heinous pink on to himself, he might also accidentally… But none of theses reasons were what mattered.

"Because I said so." The General abbreviated his dissertation and answered simply.

"Humph." Zack pouted as he tip-toed over to the sleeping cadet.

Cloud was curled on the end of the couch with his head propped on the armrest, his left knee was pulled up to his chest, while one hand was tucked under his chin and the other lay peacefully beside his head. His still-blond bangs hung in his face and over his eyes, gently stirring with each of his slow breaths, making an angelic frame for his even younger then usual face.

Zack braced himself and made a feeble attempt at waking the boy by jiggling his shoulder and mumbling something that sounded like 'Spiky'. Cloud stirred a little, he made a discontented whimper and nuzzled his face against the cushions, folding into himself even more, rather like a tired puppy.

"Damnit!" Zack huffed and turned away. "I can't do it!"

"You _can_ and you _will_." Sephiroth ordered firmly.

"If you're such a cold bastard why don't you do it?!" Zack challenged.

Sephiroth tried to glare is disrespectful second into submission…unfortunately there was no submission. He cleared his throat.

"Cadet Strife!" The silver haired man spoke loudly. He had intended to use his very stern General-voice but it was strangely difficult at the moment for some reason.

"Yezzz….Shir…" Cloud mumbled and snuggled deeper into the cushions. To the amazement of all present he was somehow still asleep.

"Wow, he's really out." Zack mused sympathetically.

Cloud began fidgeting restlessly, his fingers twitched and he made little noises deep in his throat while his legs moved slightly.

"Aw! He's having that dream about you again!" Zack exclaimed cheerily, smiling at the young cadet.

Sephiroth's eyes widened slightly at this statement but he didn't respond. He did _**not**_ respond.

"We can't leave him here all day." The Silver Haired General rubbed his temples. "_You_ are going to have to—"

"I have the solution!" Zack interrupted the other man's headache inducing thoughts. He deftly slipped his arms under the sleeping cadet's shoulders and thighs, gently lifting him so as not to disturb his sleep. "There! Now _no one_ has to wake him."

Cloud mumbled quietly and settled against the SOLDIER's chest, reflexively wrapping an arm around the older man's neck and resting his spiky head on the other's shoulder. Zack laughed, then turned to Sephiroth and made a curious expression.

"What's wrong, Seph?"

"_Nothing_." The silver man answered irritably.

"It doesn't look like nothing. You look upset. Like all pissed out the world. Or unsettled or something. Like you always do when you're a little bit unhappy or displeased. Or you don't have your way. Or you…"

"I said _nothing_!"

"Ha! Now I have proof you're upset!"

"I don not get 'upset', _Zackary_."

Zack looked up surprised. That was a definite growl.

Of course, simply knowing that there was a threat to his wellbeing did not dictate that Zack Fair would take any steps to ovoid dismemberment or death. In some cases it only served to make him more curious as to the mysteries of a situation and its infinite possibilities. All at once the SOLDIER came up with a positively brilliant idea. He grinned widely.

"I guess you can hold him if you _really_ want to…" Zack offered.

No response (not counting the temperature fluctuations in the room).

Impasse.

Zack mentally cheered for himself. Sephiroth wasn't able to make any violent retaliatory actions due to the cadet draping Zack and acting as shield. The brunette applauded his own wonderful sense of timing.

He could however feel the temperature of the room dropping considerably and if it wasn't for his Mako enhancements he would have shivered because of it. It was entirely owed to his extraordinary mind however that he didn't fall dead on the floor for the look he was receiving from glowing green eyes. Zack hugged the cadet tighter and thanked his presence of mind for keeping Cloud with him at all times.

The General gave him another expression which was kind of like flipping one off, except much more dignified. He strode off in front of him.

"... Hey! Wait! What's the hurry? Hold the door! I can't get it with him!" Zack called after the silent man. He was trying to figure out how to yell while whispering; it was working out pretty well all things considered, especially since pitch didn't matter with Sephiroth's advanced hearing.

Sephiroth held the door, while now giving only a half hearted Glare of Death.

A few odd meters later.

"No. This way."

"What do you mean? This way's a whole lot closer." Zack paused in the hall looking at the other man quizzically.

"Will you ever learn to just follow orders?" The General sighed.

"Umm, that program didn't come installed." Zack grinned impishly.

"I think someone forgot the _entire_ operating system…"

"Well, my mom could never stand to punish me when I was a kid, so…"

"I really don't care to know."

"…but I don't want you to blame my mom, she's a sweet lady. She makes really good… Oh, why were we not supposed to go this way?" Zack began absently walking the way he had intended, he then stopped.

"Because this corridor passes directly by…"

Too late.

"Sephiroth!"

Sephiroth's warm motion of greeting was to stop and stare at Hojo, who immediately began crackling with laughter.

"Having a good time, Sephiroth?"

"Absolutely."

Zack could hear the grinding of teeth.

"Oh, I see, I see!" Hojo glanced to the peacefully oblivious cadet and rubbed his hands in vicious delight.

Zack stepped back protectively, as though Cloud might somehow be telepathically contaminated by the scientist. "You coming, Seph?" Zack waited a few paces away from the insidious lab-coat clad man. Under most circumstances he would happily have been more aggressive but right now he had to take care of the unconscious boy depending on him.

"Oh, go on." Hojo chuckled deviously, directing himself to Sephiroth. "I would never interfere with the _pastimes _of high ranking SOLDIERs"

Zack glanced toward his commander, noticing the tiny pinpricks of sweat lining his forehead and the ominous vibration in the air.

_Damn. Damn. Damn._

It wasn't that Zack would have minded seeing Hojo killed, who would? But Sephiroth was looking kind of, you know, _angry_. And if he got really mad, he might do that thing he does when he gets really _mad_.

Zack didn't really want that.

He strained his quick thinking, innovative mind searching for the answer. How had he survived so many desperate battles? How had snuck off base for so many covert rendezvous? How had he played so many tricks on the fearsome General? Some sort of counteraction, or escape? Or distraction?

"Whoa! Agh!" Zack made a nicely dramatic display of tripping over his feet as his eyes widened in surprise.

Of course there was no possibility of him dropping the innocent sleeper. But there was a very good possibility that Sephiroth's cat reflexes would snap him away from the villainous scientist in order to catch the victim of Zack's ploy.

Oh how beautifully it worked. Sephiroth was beside him in an instant ready to catch Cloud if need be (though strangely making no attempt to keep Zack from fall in on his ass). But it had worked! The clever SOLDIER wondered how Hojo had managed to live this long without his cunning.

"S'okay." Zack whispered again when Cloud moaned, disturbed by his rough treatment and their voices. "Let's just go, huh?" He pleaded in the name of the cadet.

"Of course." Sephiroth simply nodded. He didn't look back at his evil nemesis behind him but strode off, emphasizing that the man wasn't worth a second glace.

"Have a pleasant evening, boys!" Hojo let out another vindictive crackle, seeming more pleased than anything at Sephiroth's rude treatment of him.

Zack sighed once they were alone in a different hall. "Doesn't that man ever sleep?"

"Not really. He doesn't use his body for any considerable physical activity and his mind his diseased and somehow maintains a sort of constant functionality…"

"Umm, the door?" Zack gestured toward the impediment before his quarters. He decided that this time he might not want to annoy Sephiroth about being spaced out and simply stepped through the immediately open doorway.

Zack balanced precariously, stepping on the bottom bunk and setting the young cadet on the top.

"Gees, we've got to feed this kid more." Zack commented setting the boy down carefully and noticing how small an impression he made on the mattress.

"You do that." Sephiroth responded in monotone. A monotone so void of any variation it acquired a startling mechanical hint and ceased to be monotonous. It was a Sephiroth tone.

With any of his other friends Zack would have undressed them a bit but he remembered that Cloud was the shy type and would probably have a hissy in the morning, especially if he knew that the great and mighty General had been there. Zack chuckled to himself at this thought. He carefully lifted the boy's head with one hand and settled for just slipping off the heavy chain around his neck with its dangerous looking triangular pendant, handing it down to Sephiroth.

The General ignored Zack's amusement, deciding that is was much better not to know whatever the man was thinking and accepted the chain, followed by the collar and the cuffs.

"There. Now at least there isn't anything he can hurt himself on while he's asleep." Zack removed one more studded belt hanging from the cadet's hips. "Okay, _now_ there isn't."

Zack dropped back to the floor and took the accessories only to throw them on a pile of laundry on the floor; whether it was clean or dirty nobody knew, especially not Zack. Either kind served equally well as a place to throw things.

After all this, Cloud was only now beginning to stir. He twisted uneasily and frowned at the unwelcome sense of consciousness.

"Hn…Zack…?"

"Yeah kid, go to sleep." Zack told him while pulling junk off his bed.

"Un-hunnn." Cloud settled into his pillow unquestioningly without even having opened his eyes to make sure where he was. He regained a position similar to his earlier arrangement, with his fingers curled around the corners of the pillow and his lips parted slightly.

Sephiroth pulled the blanket closer over the magenta-blonde's shoulder before he even noticed what he was doing, feeling oddly protective of the oblivious cadet. By the time he turned away frowning at himself, Zack was already undressed (he did boast record stripping abilities) and sprawled in bed looking as disheveled and messy as, well, Zack. Even his never made bed looked more disorderly because he was in it.

The SOLDIER yawned rolling on to his stomach. "Everything okay, Seph?" He was no doubt wondering why the easily bored man was still there.

Sephiroth nodded, knowing that even though the other man's eyes were shut, he could hear his hair sliding over fabric, indicating the head movement of a nod.

The customary grin seeped into Zack's relaxed features. "I don't know how you do it all the time…" He yawned again already falling asleep.

The silver haired man raised an eyebrow, he wondered if Zack could figure that one.

"I hate sleeping alone... All the time…it would get so lonely... Don't you even mind?"

Sephiroth responded with frown and a knit brow for no one to see. "I'm not afraid of the dark, Zackary."

The Silver General turned quickly and left before Zack could throw any more 'idiotic' questions at him. He slipped into the hall and shut the door…quietly.

……………………...

Well, I'm thinking this is a little shorter than usual and I'se sorry for it! but I really wanted to end it on that angsty little note You can throw stuff at me for it if you want, but nothing too heavy please! I've been kind of busy working on a new fic I just started called **School Daze**, about Kadaj being sent to high school. You might want to check it out;p if you like the SHM centric AU, crackness.

Love ya all!


	15. Chapter 15 Of Sweet Smelling Herbs

Chapter fifteen

Cloud woke at his normal, obscenely early hour. He was some place warm and soft, though he didn't remember getting there, and he noticed that his clothes were much tighter than usual. His first coherent thoughts ran along the lines of…

_Shower…shower….shower…_

Once he opened his eyes, his thoughts changed to something like…

_Shit! Pink!_

…followed by various metal images of what he should do to Zack for this.

The cadet merely sighed. There was really nothing anyone could do to Zack. If there was, Sephiroth certainly would have done it by now. The man seemed untouchable, nothing made him unhappy, nothing changed that blissful mood… Oh yeah, Sephiroth sometimes made him do paper work. But last time that happened…

Yup, Zack was pretty much untouchable.

Cloud dragged his tired body out of bed. It always seemed like so much more work then anyone should have to go though just to get up. Sometimes he really envied Zack his place on the lower bunk.

Strangely enough though, it seemed like wasn't as tried as he should have been, probably because of all the sleeping he had done at the party.

It was early yet and no one would be at the showers and he decided that this was the best time to try and sneak there and fix his hair before anyone saw him. The cadet snatched a change of clothes, which he was almost certain to be clean and quietly opened the door. He peered out, and seeing no one there, covertly slipped into hall. He quickly tip-toed through the empty morning halls and then noticed that he didn't have any shoes at the moment. It was a slightly embarrassing circumstance but he decided that it would actually be beneficial to his goal of stealth.

He had never realized how far the showers were for his room until now, as he peeked around every corner before passing it. It reminded him of a training exercise and thinking of it that way kind of helped him to relax, this was just like any other constructed mission.

Footsteps.

Cloud's heart jumped. He was so close. The showers were only one hall away and the sounds were coming from behind him. If he ran he might make it out of sight, but if there was anyone in that last hall…

Firm, measured treads.

Cloud bolted and thanked Gaia that there was no one in the next hall to run into. He pried the poorly working doors open and immediately snatched the soap and shampoo. Once in the comparative safety of the shower he finally started to calm down.

He scrubbed his hair violently, pleased when he saw the suds turning pink and running down his arms. He shampooed three more times for good measure until he couldn't see any more die and shut the water off feeling cleaner than he had in months.

In the locker room he pulled on the fatigues he had brought, unsuccessfully trying to shake off the drops of water as he had nothing to dry off with.

Comfort or vanity were not a very large issues with SOLDIER trainees and there were very few reflective surfaces in the locker room, only one cracked mirror which someone had taped the side of a locker. Cloud had the distinct misfortune to glance up as he buttoned his fatigues and catch a glimpse of his bedraggled reflection. His first thoughts went something like…

_Zaaaaaaaack!!!!!!_

-

This time it was speed over stealth and Cloud flew through the halls barefoot and shirtless. It was getting late and within minutes the halls would be streaming with living obstacles. Living obstacles with eyes… There was no time.

Cloud flung his door open and immediately yelled at Zack to wake up. He grabbed the SOLDIER by the arm and yanked so hard that the other man fell half way out of bed.

"Ah! What?!" Zack braced a hand on the floor to keep form falling out of bed and looked up wide eyed. He heard the desperate tone in Cloud's voice and had actually woken up. Alert for some sort of danger, or wild global calamity.

"Zack! Look at me!!" The cadet wailed.

Zack looked. And once contented that Cloud wasn't seriously injured or anything of the sort, he scratched his head trying to figure out what the boy was going on about.

"Um…well…you're all wet… and you don't have all your clothes on…"

"Zack, my _hair_!"

"Yeah, it looks real healthy! It's sticking up just like usual…only more…"

"It's still pink you idiot!" Cloud hit the obnoxious brunette on the chest with a very angry, pink stained fist. "You told me that it would wash out!"

"Um, maybe I should have read the label on the can?" Zack looked up pitiful, defenseless and innocent.

Cloud sunk to his knees as tiny drops of water dripped from his fluffy spikes. "Now what am I supposed to do? I have training today. I can't go like this!"

"Ah, who cares about that?" Zack shrugged. "You can skip it."

"It doesn't work that way, Zack! If I don't go to classes, I won't learn anything. If I don't learn anything, I'll never get into SOLDIER. If I don't get into SOLDIER, I'll…" Cloud tried to think of the worst thing in the world.

"Ah, don't worry so much! I never studied and you're starter than me anyway!" Zack smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, accidentally bringing back to mind the source of all dispute. "Besides, who's gonna care if your hair's a little bit different shade? It's kinda cute!"

"Arg! I wish I could kill you…" Cloud groaned.

Zack looked hurt. Whether he was or not, was entirely a matter of personal opinion. "Well, if you're that upset about it, I'll just fix it!"

"You can?!" Cloud exclaimed, his big blue eyes widened in hopefulness and expectancy, then snapped down when the SOLDIER got out of bed. Zackary really didn't feel the social constraint of clothing the way most people did.

"Sure." Zack searched for clothes while the other's back was toward him. "First we have to get to Seph's place…"

"No!" Cloud protested. "I don't want him to see me like…like…this!"

"I hate break it to you Spiky but he already has." Zack found some horribly wrinkled laundry on the floor which he thought would be acceptable to wear.

"Yeah, but it didn't seem as bad when I was wearing that weird costume too…"

"It was not weird!" Zack protested. "It was a cool costume! Humph!" In the end Zack was wearing his standard SOLDIER fatigues and Wolfwood's shirt.

"Why does it always come down to Sephiroth?" Cloud mused.

"Because Seph knows the answer to everything!" Zack explained. "Except the things that only I know of course… But the point is, that he must have a lot and a lot and a lot of stuff to take care to all that beautiful hair. And he has a nice fancy private bathroom. More privacy, better! Right, Cloud?"

The disgruntled cadet nodded limply. He certainly didn't want to endure whatever horror was about to befall him, in front of fifteen of his snickering peers.

"Okay, then!" Zack exclaimed cheerily. "Everything will be better in no time!"

As Cloud didn't have a leash, his arm was made liberal use of and the journey to Sephiroth's apartment had begun. It was becoming a familiar route, something which Cloud had never expected. He remembered the first time he had been there, nervously wondering if he had the right door, now it was almost as familiar as his own room.

Zack ascertained that the General's door was locked and began banging on it loudly.

"Why does he always try to lock me out?" He continued banging until he was answered.

The Silver Hair General appeared in the suddenly open doorway, majestically surveying Zack and the dripping wet, half naked, dark-pinkish-blond he was holding. Sephiroth was getting really good at this, because there wasn't even the slightest trace of surprise on his disapproving features.

"Hey, Seph! We need to borrow your shower for a minute!" Zack explained grinning.

Sephiroth only frowned baring the entrance. "The violation of cadets is usually done in the public showers."

"Oh…should I just go then?" Zack gestured over his shoulder.

"Certainly. I already know that you wish to die prematurely and I have wonderful plans on how you are to meet your end." Sephiroth's lips curled into an evil smirk.

Zack tightened his grip on the cadet who seemed likely to fall over at any moment. "C'mon, Seph, enough with the mean jokes. Do you got any really, really strong shampoo?"

"I may." The General glanced at Cloud, whose face was in eager competition with his hair in exploring new definitions of the word 'pink'. "Come inside then."

Zack march in with the cadet, while Sephiroth gracefully strode to his spacious bathroom. When he ordered them in, he had a number of mysterious bottles arranged on the sink.

"Now." The silver haired man indicated one of said vials. "This is highly concentrated so if used properly it should remove the coloring, but it's also extremely hash and drying so you'll have to use _this_ afterwards. Leave this sit for ten minutes then rinse and apply _this_ and leave it in. Understood?"

"Yup! Sure thing!"

"If you do exactly as I've told you, everything should be fine." Sephiroth noted the piteous look Cloud was giving at the thought of Zack being alone with his hair again. "I'll be right outside the door I you need anything." He added before exiting.

"Yes, Sir." Cloud squeaked slightly.

-

A strange bottle was suspended over the once-again-blond cadet's head as Zack moved to apply its contents.

After almost half an hour of diligent scrubbing that came oh so near to exhausting Zack questionably existent attention span, Cloud had finally regained his astoundingly natural, blond coloring. It hadn't been easy. The only thing that had held the hyper SOLDIER in place was Cloud's painfully accurate guilt-tripping and the knowledge that if Sephiroth wasn't satisfied with the results of his work, the man would merely send him back until it was accomplished according to his liking.

After what must have been hours and hours of tedious back breaking torture, Zack uncapped the last conditioning agent and sniffed it.

"Hmm, smells good." He mused drawing it upside down over the innocent blond's soggy, drooping spikes.

Cloud sniffed. His eyes widened and he desperately shoved the bottle as far from him as possible. "No way!" He yelped and pulled himself out of Zack's grip, removing his head from the sink.

"What?" Zack looked bewilderedly from Cloud to the heavy duty conditioner in his hand.

"Zack, I can't smell like l-lavenders!" Cloud protested horrified.

"Why not? I like 'em." The brunette shrugged.

"I just can't!" Cloud crossed his hands in the 'no/rejection' gesture and backed away, only to be stopped by Sephiroth's enormous marble bathtub.

"Aw, if Seph can do it then so can you! I mean, flowers will have to be cool if the absolute dudeness a la General does 'em!"

Cloud took a moment to consider that sentence before protesting farther. "Sephiroth can do a lot of things normal people…just can't." That should have ended the conversation, right?

"Hey, you said you wanted to be like Seph, well here's your chance!" Zack shook the bottle.

"This isn't what I meant!"

"C'mon, nobody bothers Seph for smelling nice, do they?"

"That's because no one would even think of making a comment that could possibly displease him in any way even in their sleep. It's completely different for Cadets!" Cloud backed away into his increasingly confined escape space.

-

In the kitchen, Sephiroth was calmly stirring honey into his tea, quite a lot of honey actually. There was something about these annoying little situations Zack was always involving him in, that exaggerated his (officially nonexistent) sweet tooth in a remarkable way.

Tea was supposed to be relaxing and so he was testing the scientific basis of this on himself. If the theory proved true it might became a great source of comfort to him.

Now that Sephiroth thought about it, Zack was the one who needed relaxing. The General decided to experiment on Zack at the same time and poured him a large cup. He doubted that anything would work on the man, but it was at least worth a try. He would have liked a little peace a quiet this morning and he was truly running out of things that might bring Zack closer to that ever elusive sate called 'Calm'.

It was when those two thoughts came together in Sephiroth's mind that a chilling grin spread across his face. It was true that there were very few resources left to him but he was not completely bankrupt of ideas yet.

Evil thoughts were interrupted by a pained shriek. Sephiroth poured half the bottle of honey straight into his mouth before striding off to investigate.

At the sight which greeted him from the bathroom doorway he felt a pang of guilt for abandoning one of his men while in mortal danger. But who could really expect Zack not to pounce of the beautiful opportunity when Cloud tripped and fell, trapping himself in the bathtub?

From now on Cloud's hair was going to be soft, smooth and irresistibly touchable…even if someone died.

"Zack, out of the bathtub!" Sephiroth ordered, biding his time.

Zack gave Cloud's hair one last moisturizing rub and jumped out of the tub smiling brightly. "There! His hair is all done. I followed your instructions to the letter!"

Cloud stifled a pain whimper, rubbing his shoulder where it had made contact with the edge of the tub and extricated himself from his prison, looking more pitiful than was previously believed to be humanly possible.

Sephiroth swiped the bottle of conditioner from the man's hand and frowned at it while Zack snuck toward the door. "I didn't tell you to use this, Zack."

"What did ya say?" Zack called back from the living room.

At this, Cloud's eyes narrowed dramatically and all traces of patheticness disappeared as he launched himself toward the door with clearly violent intent. "Zaaack!"

Sephiroth, still near the door, caught the blond by the arm and stopped him. He smirked and pressed a finger to his own lips conspiratorially. Needless to say the blond stood completely still.

"Follow."

Cloud silently obeyed and watched as Sephiroth returned to the kitchen and absolutely nothing at all mysterious or conspiratorial seemed to happen.

"Cloud, would you like any tea?"

"Um, no thank you, Sir." Cloud was completely indifferent to tea, but the idea of the General Sephiroth making him tea seemed wrong on many, many levels. He wondered if maybe it was one of those questions where there was only one right answer and you were screwed if you said 'yes'.

"I would!" Zack volunteered to be the recipient of the General's hospitality.

"On the counter." Sephiroth was still frowning in a way which didn't seem to bother Zack at all. When he turned away however, Cloud saw a smile lurking in Sephiroth's eyes that made him shiver slightly.

"What is this, Seph? It tastes different."

"I have it imported form Wutai. You've probably never had any like it in your life." Sephiroth answer simply.

"Hmm, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to poison me."

"You've been trained to do a physical analysis of yourself, do yo feel poisoned?" Sephiroth wisely took the SOLDIER's empty cup away from him.

"Umm…what…?" Zack blinked once before trying to brace himself on Cloud's shoulder, missing the cadet entirely and landing on the floor.

"Zack!" Cloud screamed and fell to his knees by his friend. He looked up at the General with huge eyes. "You poisoned him?!"

"No, of course not." Sephiroth looked at the brunette thoughtfully, turning him slightly with the toe of his boot. "He's just...extremely tired." The smirk returned.

"Oh… We should put him on the couch though…"

"Why?"

"Um, so he'll be more comfortable…"

"I suppose." Sephiroth agreed. Personally, he would have just left Zack there. But in order to placate the thoughtful cadet, he quickly picked up his unconscious victim, holding him as far away from himself as possible, and unceremoniously disposed of him on the couch.

It was worth the little bit of effort though. Sephiroth relaxed in a chair with a sigh, sipping his own untainted drink and looking terribly pleased with himself.

"May I ask what was in the tea, Sir?"

Sephiroth tossed him the now empty bottle of sedatives as explanation.

"You gave him the whole bottle?!" Cloud's eyes widened in shock.

"I believe he has enough Mako in his system to absorb all of it."

"Believe?" Poor Cloud looked so unsettled.

"He is First Class after all." Sephiroth shrugged. "Any less might not have knocked him out."

"Oh." Cloud grasped onto his belief of the invincibility of SOLDIER's for hope. After all, Sephiroth wouldn't kill his Second just like that, right? Cloud thoughtfully draped a blanket over his prone friend.

Sephiroth could definitely get used to this. Zack had never been to so quiet in his life and without the SOLDIER to rile him, the cadet was extremely unobtrusive. Maybe he should just replace Zack with the cadet…

"Oh, shit!"

Sephiroth sighed, but the point remained. Compared to Zack, the blond was _very_ unobtrusive.

"What is it?" Sephiroth asked, almost concerned.

"I have a class five minutes ago." Cloud bit his lip worriedly.

"Hmm, I am concerned that attending classes in your…condition might prove inadvisable, Cloud. I will give you an exemption for today and see that your teachers give you a reasonable way to make up the work. Will that be agreeable to you?"

"Yes, Sir." Cloud nodded his head furiously.

"Good. Now, what do you propose we do while Zack is asleep?"

……………..

XD Is Cloud going to be knocked up in the morning? It that even physically possible? Will Zack me mad? Do you even want to be hearing this? Why am I so perverted? Why do I like making dirty implications so much? Teen dating sites are not the way to go. Did you know there are ax murderers out there? Did you know ice cream is better for you than ketchup? Eating an entire bowl of ketchup would be very bad for you. It's a good thing you know this or I'm sure someone would do it. I'm trying to hypnotize lovely people into reviewing. Did you feel your brain fall out yet? I would know how it feels; I'm the one writing this. It's kind of like when you stare at your Cloud/Vincent desktop too long…..


	16. Chapter 16 Of Spies and Cocoa

Ah, it's been a while, at least, it seems like a long time to me.. I've been pretty much gone for daaaays so I'm actually lucky to have this finished by now. Sorry for the delay!

…………………………………

Chapter sixteen

Zack woke up after an abstracted period of time. But he was far too clever a person to let this become common knowledge and he lay quietly still. The first sounds he heard were low mutters, both from voices he recognized well, and both making very strange conversation.

"Um, that's four and seven."

"Don't forget the 'L'"

"Right."

"_Eh?"_ Zack wondered.

Though he was smothered with a blanket which had somehow found its way to him and he was entirely too hot wrapped up in it, Zack held his peace and cracked a clandestine eye open. He had to suppress an amused little laugh at the sight greeting him.

There, sitting on the floor hunched over the coffee table, was his very own malevolent, homicidal, friend-poisoning general frowning at a scrabble board with his very own undersized, wide eyed, crazy-haired cadet. Cloud was writing something down on a paper wedged under the board, occasionally looking up to carefully watch the silvered haired man's movements.

"Are you positive that is a word, Cloud?"

"Yeah, Zack told me it was."

"Now I'm certain that it's not a word…"

"Oh…well I can…"

"No, leave it. It has the 'G' I want."

The longer the snicking of little wooden squares continued the deeper Cloud's pout became. And could he ever pout.

"Damn." The blond remarked.

"It doesn't matter. Most of the letters are fairly common."

"Yeah, but you've got two 'P's' in there." Cloud shook his head.

Sephiroth poured more hot chocolate and offered a steaming mug to the downtrodden cadet as way of reconciliation. The blond accepted it, sipping happily and seeming instantly contented to lose.

Zack surreptitiously reached down to the pocket of his fatigues. He knew that no sound would go unnoticed, so his best hope was to make it seem like his normal tossing around, which would not arouse any suspicion. Zack held his face in a mask of innocent sleepiness while he inwardly snickered after gaining his cell phone. The trouble was getting it open, he knew that sound couldn't be ignored as easily.

Hoping that the two were well distracted, he made a tried sounding grunt to cover the sound and flipped in open.

"That man can't even sleep quietly." Sephiroth remarked.

"He _is_ going wake up, right?" Cloud asked in a worried tone, which Zack decided was even cuter then his normal tone of voice.

"No doubt there isn't any avoiding it." Sephiroth said derisively, in a way which Zack decided made him sound even nastier than usual.

"Ah, I've finally got one." Cloud quickly forgot the possibility of his friend's impending death.

"Gaia, you have the best vocabulary of any cadet I've ever seen."

This was the perfect moment. Sephiroth was frowning at the board in concentration, while Cloud watched with a tiny smile of victory on his lips. Zack kept snapping the pictures as the scene progressed; when Sephiroth brushed his hair out of the way throwing a piece on the floor then looked down at it suspiciously; when they both bent down to reach it and the general's silver bangs and Cloud's ridiculous spikes brushed together; when they were both staring at the board in concentration, Sephiroth propping an elbow on the table and Cloud with his nose in a cup of cocoa…

It was then that Zack's traitorous, bastardized cell phone decided to make a horrible shrieking noise and destroy his lovely photo shoot. Zack damned the device down to the fieriest pits of hell, but that did nothing about the ringing. In the end he settled for answering it.

"Yeah?! I'm busy. Really busy. Really, really busy!" Zack stuffed his harassing phone in the couch and sat up.

"Yes, Zack. I can see that you're _extremely_ busy." Sephiroth remarked, just like his lovely sarcastic self.

"I am! I have to keep Cloud from killing you at Scrabble!" Zack smiled all too sweetly.

Sephiroth merely snorted and rearranged some letters.

"I'm glad you're alive." Cloud told him.

Zack raised an eyebrow but then saw that the cadet was being perfectly honest. "Well, it's good to know _one person_ who doesn't want me dead me." Zack smiled even while pouting (don't ask me how). He dropped himself on to the floor by the coffee table to get a better look at the board, noogying Cloud and remarking as he sat down. "Mmm, you smell really good."

Zack's sweet expression did nothing to save him from the wrath of his angered roommate.

"I should have killed you in your sleep!" Cloud tackled the SOLDIER and smacked him soundly a couple times, before regaining his composer and blushing at his own actions.

"I think you just lost that one person." Sephiroth commented dryly in an undertone.

Cloud looked back at Sephiroth who was patiently adding up letters and scrambled off the brunette to focus back on the game.

"Ouch." Zack sat up rubbing his chin and looking as wounded as possible.

"I know you're not hurt, you jerk." Cloud huffed resting his elbow on the table and his head on his hand.

"Yeah it does." Zack whined." You're a lot stronger when you're mad."

"Serves you right." Cloud picked up another piece and shuffled it.

" Hey, I've got one!" Zack began furiously rearranging Cloud's letters on the board.

Sephiroth glared at the word inspired by Zack's argot. "'Brung' is not a word, Zackary."

"Sure it is. As in 'I brung them home for dinner.'"

"'I _brought_ them home for dinner.'

"You're a pain in the ass. Who really talks like that?"

"Anyone with a higher than Second grade education." Sephiroth offered.

"Bleh." Zack rearranged Cloud letters some more and submitting them for the blonde's inspection. Cloud stared at the word then 'meeped' and swiped it away with a blush.

"Zack, do you remember the rules I set out for you two weeks ago?" Sephiroth asked calmly.

"Aw, you're not going to bring that up again…" Zack moaned.

Cloud listened curiously while trying to find another word suitable for display.

"They were given with the full expectation that they would be adhered to."

"But you don't like it when I adhere to things." Zack smirked.

Sephiroth ignored him to continue. "Did I, at the time, find it necessary to remind you of the penalties against disobeying those orders?"

"I don't remember."

"You DO remember."

"No, honestly, I don't. I get stupider every day." Zack smiled to make himself look more believable. "Ah! I've got one."

Both the cadet and the general watched in fear as Zack arranged letters on the board thoughtfully, until they at last spelled one definitive word.

"Ephemeral."

Cloud stared, entirely too afraid to ask what it meant. He had a good vocabulary like the General said but _that_…

Sephiroth simply quirked an eyebrow and looked rather surprised, then arranged his own "Moxibustion."

"Sweet Shiva, you've _got_ to be kidding…" Zack moaned.

Cloud contemplated. Wasn't he supposed to be playing? Oh, well, it didn't matter, he would just drink more cocoa… Damn, why didn't he have to run out know? Cloud frowned into his cup. Life really wasn't fair.

"Ah-ha." Zack give a cry of victory, he had found a word which he could connect to the 'O' in Sephiroth's 'Moxibustion' and use up every last one of Cloud pieces. 'R', 'G'.

Sephiroth twitched, he wouldn't…

'A'

It wasn't as of there was anything really _wrong_ with the word…

'S'

But why was it that whenever Zack was around…?

'M'

"Zack, your Scrabble playing privileges have hereby been revoked."

"What?! It's totally a word!"

"Yes, 'totally'. Your privileges are still suspended." God knew how the letters would begin to arrange themselves if this continued…

"Hey it's not my fault all the letters where there!"

Sephiroth considered. It didn't seem physically possible Zack could be at fault of the random fall of game pieces. But somehow, it always seemed like Gaia it's self acted differently when he was present.

"And being afraid of sex will only make y—"

"I think you want to stop there."

Zack humphed. "Cloud! Don't let him kick me out! Tell him it isn't fair!"

Cloud wondered when he had become responsible for the Silver General, and sat very still when they both looked at him at the same time.

_Feel the wall… It __**is**__ the wall… You __**are**__ the wall…_

"Zack, go make more hot chocolate."

"Wha?" Zack's pretty, brilliant eyes widened in surprise; did he really hear that one right? He was being used as a slave! A lackey! He was a SOLDIER Fist Class! Was this how women felt?

"After everything you've put Cloud through, it's the least you could do." Sephiroth gave his condescending look.

"_You're_ the one that traumatizes him." Zack glared.

"I think not. You're the one who dyed his hair and made him dress as a stri—"

"I did NOT! Geez, what's wrong with you people? Don't you ever watch anime?!"

Sephiroth brushed away an imaginary dust speck. "I am quite too busy with work for that sort diversion. The point is that you really should try to do something to make up for the trauma involved."

Cloud wondered that if he was so traumatized, why he didn't know about it? It was rather confusing.

"Ha-ha. You just want me to make it so you can drink it yourself! Chocolate always was your weakness."

"No. It was not." Sephiroth corrected with deliberate venom.

"Oh, you're right. Now I remember. It was the marshmallows…"

Sephiroth gave him a 'look' which was far from harmless. Zack deftly ignored it.

The SOLDIER then bounced up and into the kitchen wonderfully forgetful of how disgruntled he was a second ago, whistling lightly.

Sephiroth blinked repeatedly and turned to Cloud who seemed to have already become perfectly accustomed to Zack's habitual mood swings. The blond was now reclaiming his individually from the wall and was clearing off the broad and mixing up the pieces to be sorted out again.

They started another game with the letter 'U' which Cloud transformed into a simplistic 'RUN'. Sephiroth quickly added 'NOUN' and Cloud wondered if somehow he had mixed all the 'U's and 'N's into one place.

Every so often, Sephiroth would close his eyes and wince when a particularly loud _bang_ rang out from the vicinity of his kitchen, along with partially muffled curses.

After 'redundant' and 'unruly' had joined the other speech forms, the general could no longer bear the worrying noises.

"Excuse me one moment." He handed the cadet a polite apology, uncurled his legs and rose in one extremely fluid motion. "Zackary, it's '_hot chocolate_'." He began while gracefully crossing the distance to his kitchen. "You take milk and mix it with chocolate, then heat it. How hard can it possibly…?"

Sephiroth paused at the entrance to the kitchen. That was not hot chocolate.

He didn't know what it _was_ though. He didn't know what to call it. He didn't know if it was meant to be eaten. He didn't know what on earth had possessed him to allow Zack in his kitchen. He didn't know why he had marshmallows in his kitchen. He didn't know he had that many pans lurking in his cupboards. He didn't know why he hated the color beige…

He did know that that was not hot chocolate. It involved chocolate, yes, and it was somewhat hot, yes. But hot chocolate? No.

"Hey!" Zack smiled happily, and for a second Sephiroth had something like flash burn from a camera. "I thought we needed something else. It's a special Gongaga desert! My mom always made it. It has something to do with board games. You always have to eat it while playing them. I've seen her do it, and it looked a lot…well, it looked pretty much like this. But its taste that matters not looks! Right, Seph? I mean it's not going to look very nice once you eat it anyway. Oh, and it's crunchy! I love crunchy stuff. My mom changed it a little just to make it better. That's were I got my cooking talents…"

Sephiroth lost focus around this point and sniffed whatever it was sitting so unassumingly on his stove top, keeping at a hopefully, safe distance for the inspection.

Cloud eventually followed him in to the kitchen wondering what Zack's excited babbling was about. He cocked his head to the side at Zack's Gongagan Desert Creation and poked it curiously, most likely to see if it would twitch.

Sephiroth pushed his hand away. "Don't get too close." He spoke in a low urgent tone, the one he used on the battle field while warning his men of monsters nearby. He eyed Zack's Gongagan Desert Creation warily as he spoke.

"Oh, give it up." Zack scowled and diced up the Creation quickly.

As the SOLDIER deftly sliced the new entity, Cloud couldn't help noticing that it smelled extremely tempting. When the cross section was exposed he caught the faint scent of peanut butter, probably mixed in the bottom layer which was slightly gooey and had a great deal of elasticity. The middle layer was white and unmistakably marshmallow, stringy and frighteningly attractive to the teen. On top was the residence of the (some might say excessive) chocolateness, mixed with something rough in texture, no doubt Zack's boasted crunchy food stuff.

Zack held some of it out to Sephiroth, smirking as through in a dare. With his free hand he munched his Creation.

"Why don't you try some Spiky?" His arm was still extended toward Sephiroth but he was looking at the cadet.

Cloud inched closer. His mouth was beginning to water. It actually looked deliciously gooey.

"Wait." Sephiroth warned him and took the proffered Gongagan Desert from Zack with a glare. He took a small bite, allowing the questioned substance to slip passed his curving lips, rolling it on his tongue thoroughly, analyzing each chemical compound and it's atomic structure. Cloud swallowed twice and watched impatiently (to try the desert, of course!).

"Huh." Sephiroth decided at last. "Though I would not recommend eating these substances on regular basis," He lingered pointedly. "They will not prove immediately harmful." He acknowledged grudgingly.

Zack humphed again. "As if I'd poison Cloud!"

Cloud reached for the mysterious and tantalizing Creation.

"Last time, three people were found unconscious."

Cloud hesitated.

"That wasn't because of my food, it was their drinking!"

Cloud felt assured enough once more to bite into the new Gongagan Creation.

"It was the mixture of narcotics and alcohol which almost killed them."

Cloud stopped mid-bite.

"Hey, hey, hey! You're blaming the wrong guy. If there really was anything in the brownies, it was _entirely_ Reno's doing."

Cloud winced at the name.

"Your choice in companionship was always unmatched…"

Cloud decided he was going to find out what this damn stuff tasted like, and ignored the conversation.

"But I did pretty good with Spiky here, didn't I?"

Cloud choked as Zack roughly wrapped an arm around his neck.

"Seeing as you've finally found someone who doesn't need to be drunk to endure your company, I suggest you don't strangle him."

Cloud's throat burned as he swallowed and coughed repeated.

"Eh?" Zack looked down at the asphyxiating cadet surprised. "You're not going to die are you?"

Cloud coughed harder in response.

Zack made an 'eep' sound and smacked the blonde's back. It was quite uncomfortable, but it really didn't do anything to help. "Seph?!" Zack looked at the General pitifully for help.

"Calm." Sephiroth ordered and strode over to the cadet. He listened to the air flow of Cloud's breathing and after determining that his bronchial passages were not in any way obstructed and that his coughing was merely reflexive, he promptly presented Cloud with a glass of water.

Cloud downed the glass while holding his breath and seemed better after a few more little coughs.

"Yay, Seph, you saved 'im!"

"There was no real threat to his life." Sephiroth continued monitoring the blonde's breathing. "But must I remind you everyday, not to choke anyone while they're eating?"

"Unless I was going to choke them anyway, right?"

"Obviously."

"And unless it's Rufus ShinRa."

"You have always had my permission to choke him."

"But you never consider doing it yourself…"

"Of course not. It would be unbefitting of my position in ShinRa."

"You're just afraid of him."

Sephiroth was giving that look which said, 'I don't feel the need to respond to the absurdity of that statement'

"You do keep telling me how dangerous it would be."

"It would be dangerous. He might just shoot you… Why do you think I keep suggesting that you try it?" Sephiroth smirked.

Zack thought about that statement a second, in preparation for looking absolutely crushed. He found something better to so though, when he caught sight of Cloud with his head cocked to the side, narrowing his eyes in concentration to follow the vaguest concepts of their discussion. He felt that the boy should be informed.

Zack slung an arm over the cadet's shoulders, this time carefully avoiding his neck. "You see Spiky, Rufus and Seph have this kind of _**tension**_ be—"

Unfortunately Zack wasn't able to finish his very interesting explanation of things to Cloud, as he decided that the best thing to be doing now was running away.

………………………..

Ah, another chapter highly involving food. Zack's Gongagan Desert Creation is actually based on a real food, which to me, has a special connection to broad games. If anyone wants the recipe they can have it. Though I don't know how appetizing I made it soundXD


	17. Chapter 17 Perishable Routine

**My bitchy internet has been off so I haven't been able to update. It's horrible! I miss everyone! No internet is no talking is loneliness–sniffle- Speaking of missing people, Sephiroth isn't in this chap. Pathetic isn't that? I feel like crying. But without all the many, many ways of distracting myself I can find with a functioning internet connection –glare- I've had more time to be a good girl and write! So yay, I have a jump on the next chap with Seph in it, in all of his glorious gloriousness! And it should be here pretty soon:) I shall live for that day!**

……………………………………….

Chapter seventeen

Cloud sighed and stabbed a piece of under cooked broccoli with his plastic fork. The utensil promptly snapped from the slight force of the impact and hit him in the face, barely missing his left eye. He frowned a little and decided on the equally flimsy plastic spoon resting on the table.

Contrary to recent appearances, the blond did in fact eat in the mess hall with the rest of his peers on average days when no disasters were disrupting his schedule; in other words, when Zack was busy working.

Cloud suspected that the General was plotting overtime to think of ways to keep the man occupied, out of his gorgeous hair and immense personal space. But even though Cloud knew that Sephiroth was omnipotent, he still sometimes had doubts as to how successful the General would be.

When Cloud was really honest with himself, he had to acknowledge, that he kind of, maybe, slightly, a little bit, barely missed the constant turmoil. Nothing interesting had happened for the last five days, count them, _five_ days. That had never happened to the cadet since he had met Zack. And instead of being uncomfortable with the weird events that followed the spunky SOLDIER around, it was actually starting to become more unsettling when everything was calm. It seemed unnatural somehow.

Maybe the man's constant presence was changing Cloud in some way. He could not say that he was bored; it was not easy to bore him. But maybe he was a little…discontented, or…anxious? The feeling became especially noticeable when he looked down at his plate. The food at Sephiroth's place was so much better…

Cloud leaned his chin on his hand and stared into the distance. …and Zack was always so happy to find him something better to eat…

_No!_ Cloud reproved himself stolidly. _That would be absolutely immoral._

Asking, suggesting, or otherwise implying, that he might want something other than standard rations was wrong for many, many reasons.

Inhaling the less than appetizing scent of his meal, it was rather hard to think of any good reasons. But he had told himself before that there were many and on this point he believed himself. Zack would just be too easy to wheedle special privileges out of. And though food might seem small and insignificant, morally he was sure it would not be any better than seeking unwarranted advancement.

Cloud refused to try it. He would do the right thing and suffer with the rest of his peers… Yes, he would suffer. Cloud resigned himself, while biting into some crunchy broccoli. It was better than starving, right?

_Well, maybe a quick death…_

Of course right! Cloud glared that other, darker side of his self into submission and chewed more viciously.

The morally pure and malnourished cadet was starting to get the strangest feeling. He tried to described the phenomenon in a single work and the first that come to mind, was 'ominous'. He had never been one to catch vibes and he told himself determinedly that there was no impending sense of doom hanging in the air.

He had almost shaken the feeling when a slight disturbance in the air and a cheerful laugh proclaimed that there truly was something amiss with his surroundings. The receding sense of dread turned on its heel and dashed straight back to haunt him.

Cloud blinked twice and there was a beaming black haired man sitting across from him. Yup, now he knew what the feeling had meant. He briefly considered taking up a job as a psychic.

"Heya!" Zack greeted him merrily.

"Hey, Zack. I though you where still off on a mission." Cloud questioned, while remarking to himself that this was not macaroni and cheese. It was _not_ macaroni and cheese. It was _wrong_, that was what it was. It probably wasn't even in the same Genus as macaroni and cheese.

"I was. And I know Seph is trying to get rid of me." Zack added with a frown. "But he made a tiny miscalculation." He paused for dramatic effect while Cloud pondered the actual possibility of Sephiroth making a miscalculation. Well…maybe if it was tiny…

"The mission was scheduled to take two hours. I howeveeeer, got it done in twenty eight minutes! That's why I'm the best!" Zack boasted, overtly pleased with his own achievements.

Cloud chuckled quietly and redirected his attention to the green stuff on his plate which bore pretensions of being eatable. He was bent on ingesting it though, and took this opportunity to demonstrate the determination needed to become a true SOLDIER. He almost had it too his lips when Zack's mouth dropped open in horror.

"Cloud?"

Cloud froze. Why was Zack staring at him like that? The expression implied sudden death. Maybe he was turning some bizarre color that foreboded the onset of a rare and incurable disease. "W-what is it?"

"You're…eating broccoli." Zack's expression had not changed.

Cloud sighed again and closed his eyes. "It's called a vegetable. You've seen them before." He stubbornly chewed on the disgusting material.

"But they aren't for _human_ consumption! They're for like dear and rabbit and Choco…" Zack quickly turned and hid his face while his shoulder began shaking in poorly contained laughter.

Cloud only glared at him, completely unamused. Though in Zack's defense, was at least trying to hide it.

When the SOLDIER had at last recovered, he returned to his truly eloquent expression of disgust. "If you have to eat a vegetable it should be watermelon."

"I know, I know. And tomatoes are fruit." Cloud mumbled.

"They are?" Zack looked mildly disturbed. "That's just wrong…"

When Cloud had finished off the last of the broccoli (probably more determined than ever just to prove his point) he turned his attention to a meat-like substance which he had collected, while hardly being conscious of it. He determined that it was best to remain in a semi-aware plain of thought while gather his undesirable chow.

"Cloud, NO!" Zack jumped out of his chair and ripped Cloud's food away from him, startling pretty much everyone in the room who was not in a catatonic state. But he was used to a lot of attention, so it did not bother him. "_Never_ eat the meatloaf!" He panicked.

"Zack? What the hell?"

The disturbed man whipped the plate and all of its contents, thirty yards across the room into a trash can, with pure SOLDIER precision. "Feh, last week some kid died from eating the meatloaf that had been left out too long. He got botulism or some weird thing." Zack explained to the bemused blond.

"What?" Cloud protested. "And they're still feeding it to us?"

"Well, they claim to have 'resolved' certain 'health code violations', but the hell if I believe them!"

"You threw away the rest of my food too…" Cloud moped.

"Hey, you can't eat anything that's touched that stuff, it spreads. You know, like _germs_ and _bacteria_?"

"Yeah…but I didn't know you did…" Cloud stared at him in surprise.

"And why wouldn't I?" Zack put on an indignant expression. "I went to school too, for your information."

"Well…there's the laundry…it's kinda creepy."

"There's nothing wrong with the laundry! It's perfectly clean; I wash it all the time!"

"Uh-huh. When was the last time?"

"Late time what?"

"The last time you _washed_ it."

Zack pondered. "Well, I don't have to wash it quite every week…but I don't remember the week before…hmm, no more than one…two months ago, at the most!"

Cloud grimaced; deciding that it was better there was not any food nearby. "Sometimes I think I can hear it moving around at night…"

"Teh." Zack shrugged. "That's obviously the monsters under the bed."

Cloud slammed his fist on the table. "I swear to God, Zack! If you try to convince me there are monsters under the bed one more time…!"

"Hey wait!" Zack raised his forefinger, disregarding the lingering threat. "Do you really think I could have created a new life form? That'd be so cool! I'd be famous!"

"Hn." Cloud replied under-excited. "I don't think you'd want anything on our floor to become self aware."

"…you're probably right." Zack looked somewhat crestfallen. "Oh, you said you needed more food, right?"

"Um…" Cloud was somewhat apprehensive to answer; convinced that he would become embroiled in strange and illegal practices, declared as necessary for the 'requisition of sustenance'.

"Okay!" Zack took that as a 'yes'. He was a great interpreter, being fluent if all one-hundred and sixty-six variations of the sound 'um'. He could analyze it for syntax, adjunction and multiple contextual meanings. He called it Cloud-speak. And he was the best.

Cloud waited for something frightening to happen. All that really came about, was Zack seemingly disappearing and then rematerializing with three cups of chocolate pudding. Things were looking good so far.

"That's not really food." Cloud commented. "It's more like snack food…"

"Oh, I didn't think you'd want any." Zack held it out of Cloud's reach, opening one of the hermetically sealed containers and waving it around slightly to diffuse the scent.

"Ack, gimme that." Cloud lunged for the pudding and was allowed to snatch it from a very amused Zack, who he could swear was laughing at him again. The SOLDIER flipped him another plastic spoon across the table, which he had somehow gathered along the way, during his two second or so, absence.

"Are you sure _this_ is safe to eat?" Cloud questioned.

"Sure. They don't cook it here. It comes from some creepy factory where they make it out of processed—"

"You can stop there if you want." Cloud interrupted, licking the delicious tasting processed-something-or-other off his spoon.

"So whatcha gotta do today?"

Cloud let out a truly pathetic groan. "Algebra in…" He looked at the clock. "…ten minutes."

"Oh, is that bad?"

Cloud nodded, looking at once, forlorn and desolate. "Everything was fine until they started on the Differential Equations. I was doing so good. But now…I can't get any work done right to save my life. I _try_…but I just end up giving myself a headache."

Zack nodded sympathetically and offered Cloud the third pudding which he had been reserving for himself. To his complete surprise the blond accepted it, slurping the strangely textured sugary substance while pondering his absolute dejection.

"Differential Equations…" Zack began. "I remember those…"

"You do?" Cloud looked up slowly; hope flickering in his pretty blue eyes.

"Well, I had to take the same classes as you, remember. I didn't _actually_ sleep my way up the chain of command like, they say."

Cloud made a muffled 'eep' around his pudding. "Is that what they say?"

Zack crossed his arms over his chest. "Teh, I'm surprised you haven't heard that one from the other cadets."

"I don't listen to gossip." Cloud mumbled.

"Well, good! 'Cause cadets are all whiny, jealous little…eek!...that is, all of them except you! I never think of you as a cadet! You're a _Cloud-cadet_! There's a big difference!"

Cloud cleared his throat. "So you passed Algebra?" He was beginning to think that perhaps, he wouldn't have to fail.

"Passed? Are you kidding? I was second in my class! Or was it first? First or second… Yeah, I totally owned it!"

Cloud's eyes brightened to near iridescence and for a second, Zack could have sworn someone was slipping him Mako already. "Will you teach me?!" He leaned over the table in excitement. "I know I could learn if someone was there to explain it! That…that is, if it won't be a lot of trouble…I mean if you aren't too busy…if you…wouldn't mind?" Cloud ended biting his lip and looking down at the table.

"Of course I won't mind, Cloudy!"

"Yeah?" Cloud looked up, too hopeful and relieved and worried about failing, to protest against the nickname, which, if possible, was worse than all the other nicknames Zack injured his sense of dignity with. Except of course, 'Buttercup'.

It had only been once, but Cloud still shivered at the memory. He had decided then and there never to watch The Princess Bride with Zack ever, ever again. Zack always insisted that he should be Westley, even when Cloud pointed out that he had the blond hair and should have that role because of it. Zack declared that it was both physically and psychologically incomprehensible for him to be a woman (never mind what that implied for Cloud) and realized that since Sephiroth had the longest hair, _he_ in fact should be the girl. Cloud made him pinky swear never to suggest that in front of the General, at least if he was in the room, as he valued his soul being connected to his body and had a phobia of being burned alive.

In the end Zack decided that Indigo was the perfect match for him and proceeded to reenact the complicated fencing scene between 'himself' and Westley using heavy duty ShinRa curtain rods. The scene was held accurate to the script, with all the foot work and flips (well, the ones Cloud could manage) that Zack had memorized and included dialogue which he had memorized less perfectly (there Cloud beat him). During the epic battle, which had spread into the halls due to space constraints, another First Class had happened by and sent an intense glare to the black haired SOLDIER. At which Zack smiled and asked if he wanted to be Humperdinck.

They had both decided that Hojo was Count Rugen.

Cloud shook his head to clear the memories; Zack was saying something to him.

"You know I'm always happy to help!"

"Thanks, Zack!" Cloud smiled, most truly thankful.

"Of course, I may want something in return…" Zack's evil Grinchy grin spread over his face like melting butter.

Cloud began doubting whether he should have asked at all. "Like what?" Ever innocent cadet eyes widened.

"Well…I really am getting tried of Seph making me run all over hell. I haven't had a break all week!"

"So…?" What did this have to do with him?

"He _think_s he thinks that I'm annoying and he insists I'm a bad influence on you. But, seriously! This is too much, it's boring. Half the shit I'm doing right now could be handled by a Third Class!"

"Yeah?" Cloud pressed for an explanation.

"So I was wondering if you would pretty please, get him to lay off with the missions for a while?"

"_What?_ How am **I** supposed to do _that_, Zack?"

"Well, you could use that really cute expression you have, where your eyes go all wide and you pout…"

"Zack!" Cloud yelled, momentarily forgetting that he was a very quiet person. The rest of the room turned with curiosity to see whether he was actual going to be murdered or otherwise molested right in the mess hall. Cloud, being quite unused to an audience sunk down in his chair, no doubt, leaving many disappointed cadets to realize there would be no entertaining violent outbursts this lunch break.

"Perfect!" Zack effused, beaming for some reason Cloud had yet to comprehend. "Bite your lip just like that! Not even Seph will be able to resist! It's like your Superpower!"

"Zack, stop it! I'm just a damned cadet! I don't have any say in what the General Sephiroth does! He only puts up with me because you make him." Cloud pouted again unconsciously.

"And who makes him put up with me?" Zack countered.

Cloud was little stumped there.

"See? He likes having us around, in his desolate world of misery and rejection. He just doesn't like to admit it! You have to help him. You must be the guiding light in his dark sea of regression and loneliness!"

Cloud hit his head on the table. "You just want to get out of work…"

"Well, I don't get to hang around you anymore either, Spiky." Zack whined. "Don't you want to ever see me ever again?"

"Well…" Cloud looked skeptical.

Zack took the expression 'unleash the dogs of war' quite seriously and pulled out the really big guns. No one had ever held up against the kicked puppy look before, at least, not in his life tine. "Y-you don't want me around?" He was actually starting to get teary eyed. He hadn't even planned that, may it was the idea of Cloud not liking him, such a sad thought….

"Of course I want you around!" Cloud protested.

"You do? Great! I knew you'd agree! This is wonderful, thanks Spiky!" Zack jumped up excitedly.

"What? No. Wait, I didn't agree to anything!"

"Thanks tons! I owe you! Whoa, look at the time. We gotta get you to that Algebra class." Zack pried the blond out his seat, leading him by the arm.

Though poor Cloud's adorable head was spinning like a top, he tried to focus on the disaster nearest at hand. "You're coming with me?"

"Yeah, I have to see what's going on if I'm gonna help you."

"But what if somebody notices you? First Classes aren't exactly supposed to be there."

"Oh, don't worry; we'll just sit in the back. I can be inconspicuous."

"…"

"Don't give me that look. I can be."

"…"

"Oh, c'mon we'll be late."

……………………………………..

The curtain rod thing is a true storyXD Me and my sister were in at this craft like store place, and happened upon these curtain rod looking things (I'm not sure what they really were though) I think that was after watching Star Wars, so it was only a matter of time before was started going at it… Unfortunately I was not a First Class at the time, and this scary lady in charge came over, giving us the death-glare-of-ultimate-destruction and physically removed the light sabers from our grubby little hands. It was scary! Hehhe, but very fun:)

Well, I hope, I hope, I hope, the next chap with be out soon! I thought the ending of this one was a little abrupt but it was a sort of a lead-in thing… Anyway I need lots of encouragement!XP


	18. Chapter 18 Death by Algebra

**Whoa, I squealed when I saw the number of reviews I had:) Ohmygod do you know how happy that makes me? Well, it's just obscene how happy it makes me. I LOVE all you guys! Thank you! There are no words to describe your awesomeness! It would be like trying to describe Zack's hotness…no words…**

…………………………………..

Chapter eighteen

Zack found himself shoved behind a desk, beside a wall, in the back of the classroom.

It was an unusual location of him but he was versatile and adapted quickly. Cloud on the other hand was uncomfortable with anything other than this darling seclusion. The cadet was trying with every resource of concentration he had, to focus on what the instructor was saying. But for the tenth time in the last few minutes, his attention was diverted while he stepped on Zack's foot to stop that annoying tapping.

Zack gave him an apologetic look and began drumming his fingers on the desk.

As applied to his work: there was going to be test today and Cloud had decided that he would try to work out the problems for himself and then refer the answers back to Zack, before writing them down.

Cloud removed Zack's elbow from his ribs and snapped his attention up as the teacher recited a formula. He needed something to write with… where the hell was his…?  
The blond removed his pencil from Zack's teeth, wiped it on his sleeve and scribbled down the formula. There were little bite marks in the wood now.

The instructor droned on and Zack proceeded to scratch the desktop with his fingernails absently. Cloud wondered how in Gaia's name Zack had ever made it through classes without exploding, or rather, without any of his teachers killing him; they were not all as this relaxed as this Algebra teacher. Cloud suspected that if any of his superiors got annoyed with him, Zack would just make a light hearted comment and smile and they would instantly accept the state of the cosmos, the fate of the universe and the meaning of life. All of which were more negotiable than the nature of Zack.

Cloud began fidgeting as the test papers were passed out. Despite Zack's certain affirmations of his future success, he was quite nervous.

Halfway through the test, it was beginning to disturb him that Zack had still failed to disagree with him on any of the problems.

"Is it right?" Cloud whispered.

"Yeah." The other whispered back.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." Zack went through the equation in his head one more time and then wrote the process out on paper for proof.

"So I was right…" Cloud look bemused.

"I told you, you were good at this!"

"That's the problem. I'm _not_ good at this. I've been failing all month."

"Well, I do have a way of bringing out the best in people."

Cloud shook his head, furrowed his brow and continued with the test; carefully checking everything over with his spiky-haired tutor. A completely random image of Zack tutoring elementary-school kids came to mind…

"_Mr. Fair, who was the first president of ShinRa?" A cute little kid with a teddy bear would ask._

"_ShinRa, of course!"_

"_ShinRa what?"_

"_Umm, ShinRa the First! They don't give those people first names, just numbers."_

"_Like science experiments?"_

"_Only creepier!"_

"_Oooooh. Tell me about the monsters they make at ShinRa! Pwease, pwease, pwease!!" The child would beg._

"_Well, it's really dark in the labs you know...sometimes it's so pitch black that you can't see your hand two inches in front of your eyes. But you can hear things… Yeah, one night, when I was walking by the lab all alone, I heard this strange scre—hey! You're supposed to be learning this! See? __**Language.**__"_

"_But it's sooo boring! Please, just one story?"_

"_Nope. Now, what's a proposition?" Zack would quiz._

"_Oh! I know that one! That's what __**you**__ do!" The kid would bounce up and down. Somehow he had acquired a lollypop._

"_It's what I what?!"_

"_I heard mom say the other day that you __**propositioned**__ the English Lit teacher, right in front of the class!"_

"_It was a college class! They're all worse then I am… Gek! You know what, kid?"_

"_What?"_

"_Language is really boring! Can you guess what the most important subject ever is?"_

"_My mom says that history is the most important…because…if we repeat our mistakes…um…we'll be doomed to not know them…or something…"_

"_Yeah….always listen to your mother, kid… Anyway! __**Art**__ is where you can learn to express yourself in all sorts of cool ways! I think today we should study, lets see…art of the Hippie period!"_

"_What's a Hippie?"_

"_Ahem. The Hippie, were a simple people, consisting primarily of post industrialist teenagers. They opposed war and prejudice and ran around barefoot, braiding hemp!"_

"_Okay, cool. How do you make Hippie art?"_

"_Well, the grooviest stuff they made, were these spray painted peace signs. They made them in all sorts of colors and patterns and really made a art out of it! It works best if you have a Volkswagen though."_

"_Hey, my dad has a Volkswagen!"_

"_Really? Perfect!" Now Zack had somehow acquired a lollypop._

Cloud was grateful to be snapped back to reality by the pencil tapping instructor who announced that there were only two minutes left for the test. He hurried over the last few questions and double checked the answers with Zack, who affirmed their rectitude.

When the two minutes were completely expired, a random victim among the students was chosen to collect the papers and a wave of shuffling began throughout the room.

The paper collector reminded Zack of his very own little Chocodet. He had very fine blond hair, but instead of sticking up stubbornly, it hung around his ears looking limp and pathetic. His bones were fine, to point of looking frail and in height he measured just under Cloud-height. The kid really did not look like SOLDIER material, more like lab assistant material. But maybe he had some talent which could make my useful, that didn't show on the surface.

Zack was instantly struck down with more uncontrollable fraternal urges and forgetting how 'inconspicuous' he was being, he sped up the collection process by snatching papers from five surrounding kids. When the skinny blond came around, he handed them over with a brilliant, friendly smile.

It may have been the tiniest bit too brilliant and friendly, as the unsuspecting cadet tripped and hit his head on a desk. Everyone knows that it's dangerous to have bright lights flashed at you while driving; now the sad little recruit knew it was also dangerous to walk while having Zack smile in that fashion.

"Eh, kid!" Zack jumped in, before the poor cadet could make contact with the floor.

"Zack, what did you do?!"

"Why did I have to do something? I was just trying to be helpful!" Zack defended himself from the accusing blond with a hurt expression. "You okay, kid?" Zack shook the cadet lightly but received no response.

"Oh my god its blood!" A more imaginative cadet exclaimed.

"Blood? Where?" Another.

"Eek! He's dead!" Another.

"Yuki's dead?! NOO!" Another.

"Will you kids shut the hell up!" An irritated Zack.

-

The General was not bored.

In the past five days General Sephiroth had gotten more work done, than he had accomplished in the previous five months. Few people understood just how much paperwork that was.

The emotion conflict caused by witnessing someone doing that much paperwork, was so stressful to Zack that he tried to avoid looking at Sephiroth when he was thusly engaged. It was also kind of frightening to see his eyes flicking back and forth swallowing entire paragraphs whole. ShinRa had let to develop a machine that could as quickly scan, analyze and reconfigure information as the experimental General could. And he usually had at least two or three separate trains of thought evolving at the same time as he worked, to keep himself occupied. Zack insisted he was listening to his amoeba friends.

Sephiroth was memorizing personnel files, categorizing the new plant which had been created in the labs, replaying and analyzing yesterday's events and amusing himself with some nonlinear equations.

The point was; the General was not bored. He was occupied, useful, highly engaged (not to mention perfect), so obviously he could not be bored. It was impossible, improbable, inconceivable…

Sephiroth's desk phone rang, and he may have hit the speaker button a little too quickly. Superhuman relaxes…how could he help it?

"_Col, Landry for you, Sir!"_ His secretary enunciated clearly. Sephiroth just remembered that he hated his secretary but that was not really a concern, right this moment.

"Go ahead." Sephiroth intoned. Col. Landry was in charge of recruit selection and training; he should have absolutely no reason to want to speak with Sephiroth.

A small click and the voice changed. _"General, I'm sorry to bother you. But there was a small disturbance in one of the first year classes and __**Lieutenant Fair**__ was involved…"_

"First year classes, what was he do—? Never mind. I'll come down and attend to this myself."

"--it was a very small disturbance, Sir!" The Colonel assured. "Nothing serious! I'll almost didn't mention it!"

"No, no. You were correct to inform me." Sephiroth's smirk carried across the quaking phone lines. "I'll be there in a minute."

The General was there in less than a minute.

-

"Ow, _ow, ow_ OW!!"

"Be quiet. I'm not even hurting you…yet." Sephiroth maintained his hold on the back of his Second's neck, 'removing' him from the infirmary.

"I didn't do anything! How many times do I have to say it, before you believe me?"

"If you could calculate the amount of oxygen it would consume if you were to repeat you statement of innocence indefinitely, the atmosphere would be completely corrupted long before I was convinced."

"Wow, that's poetic. But Seph…wouldn't I be dead by then?"

"Not if you are actually are a demon sent from hell to torment me."

"You sound just like my mom when you talk like that!"

"Dear God, it's true. I've died and am now experiencing the penalty for my crimes…" Sephiroth tightened his grip on the veins in Zack's neck while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Spiky! Don't let him kill me!" Zack yelped and pleaded to the blond he spied in the corner.

"You won't die, until I get the information I want out of you. Now tell me, what happened to the cadet in the infirmary?"

"He tripped and hit his head on a desk. I just happened to be there. I did nothing!"

"Cadet Strife!" The general called and a Cloud instantly appeared beside him. "May I apply to you, to attest to either the veracity or falsehood of the Lieutenant's statement?"

"Whatever he said, tell him I'm innocent." Zack whined.

Cloud shuffled and looked appropriately uncomfortable. "It was an accident, Sir. Zack just happened to be there."

"Yes! Told ya!"

"Hmm, and what was he doing there?" Sephiroth persisted.

"…um, he was…" Cloud made a nervous little cough. "um…helping me with my Algebra class, sir…" It was amazing to uncover the complexities of the floors installed in these buildings…

Sephiroth utilized his advanced hearing to make out what Cloud was saying. "I see nothing amiss with that. Well Zackary, suppose I won't assign you to re-file the last ten years of SOLDIER mission reports this time. I'll reserve that measure for when you truly irritate me."

Zack went mortally pale and slumped against the General's shoulder. "You own my soul."

"I was never something I wanted to own."

"I think you could use a soul…_evil bastard_…"

"When I see one worth having, I'll be sure to take it."

"Spiky here has the purest soul in the world!" Zack pointed out.

Cloud made a valiant attempt to conceal his face behind pretty blond bangs.

"I'm sure that's true but I think he wants to keep his spirit. Right, Cloud?" Sephiroth turned to the blond.

"Yes, Sir." Cloud nodded. "I would prefer that."

"You see then, Zack? My options are limited. All of the desirable souls are already inhabiting bodies."

"Hmm." Zack pondered. "That is a problem. I have a cousin who…"

"No one who's related to you." Sephiroth interrupted.

"Hmm… Oh, I know! Thi—"

"There is work you should be doing now, isn't there Zack?" The Silver General interrupted again.

"Technically." Zack moped. "But I have a much more important mission, to fulfill Cloud's education!"

"A faint tingling in the lower left quadrant of my scalp indicates inaccurate or misleading information." Sephiroth stared at him with a dead pan expression.

"But it's true." In puppy-speak Zack's ears would be tilted back against his head and he would be whining. Well, actually he was whining. "Cloud's having problems with Algebra and you have to know that to become a SOLDIER, right? Not that that makes any sense… It's your fault isn't it?"

"Algebra is integral to the training process. It teaches the methodical problem solving skills which are vital to a SOLDIER. And it should only be taught by a licensed professional."

"Well, Licensed Professional isn't doing good enough." Zack scowled. "Cloud is way too smart to fail with a decent teacher." Zack continued with the only obvious conclusion… "And since if was your idea to have them teach those classes, you should take responsibility for it!"

The general's eyes narrowed. "What are you suggesting? I don't have the free time to teach Algebra to anyone."

"Of course not." Zack mentally cheered to himself. Sephiroth had responded to his statement and had _not_ thrown him into a wall. That was a very hopeful sign! "All you have to do is give me ten minutes to get his papers graded, some books and some orange juice, in your office…just this once."

Sephiroth considered briefly and gave in with an air of despondency. "Yes. You have my permission. But in seven minutes."

"Did I ever tell you, you have an unhealthy infatuation with time?"

"I've already started counting."

"Okay, okay…but um…you'll have to let go of my neck…"

"Hmm, if you insist you need it…" The General slowly loosed his grip. "Though, it's serving no useful purpose..."

"Dude! It's holding my head on."

"As I said..."

"Teh." Zack rubbed his neck, grateful that every last part of his (remarkable) body was still in its proper place. "Meet you _there, Cloud_." Zack hinted meaningfully and waved over his shoulder.

Cloud made a small noise of acknowledgement and fell into step behind the General. He twisted his hands around behind his back for a while, before beginning, "I'm sorry about all this trouble, Sir."

"There's no need to apologize, Cloud." Sephiroth said with a dismissive wave. "If any of your instructors are unable to meet the needs of their students it's my responsibility to review the situation. I agree with Zack on that point. You've shown a high degree of academic aptitude and you study quite hard, yes?"

Cloud nodded his affirmation. "Yes Sir."

"In that case, failure of any of your classes is most unlikely and this matter is in definite need of examination."

Cloud nodded again.

"In a way," Sephiroth began thoughtfully. "Zack has proved his usefulness by monitoring the conditions of recruits and lower ranking SOLDIER better than I would have been able to. The fact that he refused to move into the First Class quarters may have something to do with that, it endears him to the rest of the personnel as well.

"Zack was already extremely popular as a cadet, you know. And he's remained friendly, with probably half of the personnel here, even after he was promoted above most the men who'd been here for years."

"I can believe that." Cloud laughed quietly.

"Can you?" The General frowned. "I found it rather odd. Usually such a promotion engenders dislike from those who are passed over in review. But Zack was most times applauded and loved. Even his competitors expressed open admiration for him."

"It's kind of the same way with you, Sir. Isn't it?"

"Hmm," Sephiroth stopped at his office and held the door for the trailing cadet. "In my case, I never went through the normal classification procedures. As soon as it was decided that I would enter SOLDIER, my abilities were judged and I was placed as a First Class. After a month of training and adaptation my rank was determined."

"As General?" Cloud gaped, trying to keep his voice at its normal pitch.

"Yes." Sephiroth moved into the sparkling clean kitchenette and began preparing something with blurred movements. "But the affect was directly opposite to the one produced by Zack's promotion. In his case, there was an immediately observable inclination in his subordinates to get closer to him and adhere themselves…literally or figuratively. I noticed with myself a respectful, but very powerful, distancing."

"That's because everyone is scared of you, Sir." Cloud stated matter-of-factly.

"Hm? Oh, I am rather frightening aren't I?" Sephiroth chuckled dryly and smiled a very scary smile. "Have some tea." He offered a cup which he had already poured and Cloud thanked him politely. "I'm not complaining, mind you. The phenomenon has proved to be very convenient. I'm seldom bothered anyone, even while here at work. If there is something which needs my attention, most people will go to extraordinary lengths to speak with Zack, instead of myself and request him to inform me. It can be amusing to watch." Sephiroth carelessly strode back into his office and set the tea down on his desk, where he began converting two neat stacks of paper into one neat stack of paper.

"Um." Cloud began hesitantly swirling his tea. "It _is_ nice to have Zack around isn't it…"

"Is it?" Sephiroth asked blandly.

"Well, it's comforting to always have someone around, who I know I can talk to…" Cloud gulped his tea and commented to himself on whether he thought the faint pigment of the white walls was more blue or gray.

Sephiroth turned slightly to hide a developing smirk. "Really?"

"Um, yes…he's helped me out of a number of situations…" Cloud gnawed his bottom lip, until suddenly clamping his teeth together. It was a subconscious reaction. Completely subconscious, damnit! "…which, if he wasn't there, I couldn't have…"

Sephiroth decided he was feeling merciful today and stopped the floundering cadet. "Let me guess. You're trying to tell me, that Zack is tired of being sent on pointless, boring missions?"

"Um, yes Sir…?"

"Huh, I thought as much."

"And um, I really don't mind having him around either…" Cloud admitted.

"I'm glad you don't. I've decided to give him a break." Sephiroth flicked a speck off his desk.

Cloud smiled unconsciously now, his pretty eyes brightening. "He'll be glad to hear that."

Sephiroth nodded as the door flew open and the present topic of conversation appeared.

"I don't believe it!" Zack frowned, displaying a badly crumpled piece of paper, splotched with ominous red marks.

"The table. In there." Sephiroth commanded him toward the kitchenette.

Zack went as directed and _fwumped_ no fewer than five large books down on the hardwood table with quite a bit more force then necessary. "Every single one! He says every one is wrong."

Cloud only stared at the desecrated test sheet, seeing the unending, evil red marks that now reminded him so much of blood. "But you checked all these." He protested dismally.

"I did. And they're all right." Zack pulled out a chair and a pencil and plopped down to begin scribbling furiously.

"But if the book…" Cloud faded off as Zack ignored him.

Sephiroth follow the two into the kitchen, commenting to Cloud. "He looks overly agitated. Maybe I should take him out to kill some monsters…"

"I'm going to kill these books!" Zack stabbed the paper with his pencil one more time and applied to Sephiroth. "K, now Seph, is this right?"

The General glanced over his shoulder a second and answered nonchalantly. "Yes."

"Are you sure you saw it?"

Sephiroth leveled a stare at his Second.

"Ooookay then." Zack hand up his hands. "The book is wrong."

"Every answer in there is wrong?" Cloud asked, disbelieving.

"When the book says one thing and Seph says another, guess who wins every time?"

Cloud wasn't sure whether to be glad that he wasn't actually a numerically challenged idiot or pissed that he had worried so much over nothing. Zack solved the problem for him.

"That's it. Whoever wrote this book, I'm voodooing his ass!"

"You can do that?" The blond questioned.

"Gongagan voodoo is extremely powerful."

"Hmm." Sephiroth glanced over the book again. "It was likely a printing error. The problems and the solutions are all desynchronized by one."

Zack looked at him funny.

"This answer corresponds to the previous question, as do they all." He pointed out again. "How could you miss that, Zack?"

The SOLDIER rolled his eyes. "I have nooo idea." He drawled sarcastically.

"This situation is easily remedied. I'll instruct Col. Landry to order new books, replace the Algebra teacher and reassess his class."

"So you're gonna instantly fire him?" Zack smacked the book shut.

"It's an easier punishment than Gongagan voodoo, is it not? What are you complaining about?"

"Hey-hey, I didn't say a word."

"Now that I think of it, it may be better to review the entire training program while we're at it. Mistakes like this are unacceptable; it's no way run an army." The General flicked a stray hair out of his face, annoyed.

"So all these are right, Seph?" Zack shoved the paper under his superior's nose.

Sephiroth swiped the much too close paper, out of the other's hand and glanced over it, addressing himself to Cloud instead. "They're all correct. You're doing very well, Cloud."

Cloud thanked him and smiled a very small smile.

"Now, I believe, it is close to the time your Materia handling class starts?"

Cloud jumped and looked at the clock. "Yes it is, Sir."

"Very well." Sephiroth lead him back to the door, giving Zack a look which indicated that he _would_ follow. "If you are ever having problems of this sort again, don't hesitate to tell Zack or myself, alright?"

"Yes Sir. Thank you."

Sephiroth turned to Zack who was following behind sadly. "And Zack, you…" He hesitated. "…you have the night off."

"Really?!" Zack exclaimed right before he was shoved outside and the door was slammed in his face. He immediately whipped around threw his arms around the blond cadet's neck, who had been trying to escape down the hall, but failed miserably. "You did it! I knew you would!"

Cloud struggled to loosen the grip enough to breathe and contended the SOLDIER's statement. "Actually, I didn't do anything."

"So you didn't even ask him about it?" Zack's eyebrows went up.

"Well he wouldn't have mentioned it if I hadn't started asking. But he was already planning to let you have a break."

"And you learned this when?"

"After I mentioned how convenient it was to have you around…"

"And were you looking sad?" Zack smiled evilly (or rather the Zack version of evil, which makes grandmother coo and remark on what a charming you man he is).

"I don't remember. Why would I remember something like that?"

"Did you bite your lip like I told you to?" The grinning man questioned.

"It was an accident!" Cloud yelped helplessly.

"Yes! I knew it would work!" Zack cheered and tightened his grip on the blond.

"I hate you." Cloud mumbled.

"I love you too!"

……………………………..

I know, you were thinking; she sounded so grateful in the beginning she'll probably try to make a really good chapter to show her appreciation. Right?

…Well, trying is one thing… And I did! But, you know _this_ happened… lol. Well I don't hate, it but I'm planning on liking the next chap a lot better! At least this one's longish, ey? Lots of words…:D Luffles!


	19. Chapter 19 Milk Carton Kid

You have no idea what I went through to get this posted this morning-faints- Usually I'd have all day, but I'm going to be kidnapped today by parents. So sorry for extra typos that might arise.

………………………………………………………

Chapter nineteen

"Seph, Seph! _Seeeph!!_"

The Silver General heard footsteps outside his office, before the door which barred him from the filth of the outside world, was violently breached.

"Ah, found you!"

The general looked at Zack unimpressed. "A remarkable achievement considering how carefully I was hiding in my own office." Sephiroth decided that his second in command looking worried and out of breath, was not a justifiable reason for concern and turned back to the document he was reading.

"Oh, I love your sense of humor." Zack humphed. "But this is important! Have you seen Cloud?"

The general raised a perfectly designed eyebrow at the name. "No. Why would I have seen him?"

"You haven't been sparring or anything?"

"It's only eleven o'clock. No."

"Well, then he's missing!" Zack whined in a sad, anxious voice.

"Expound on 'missing'."

"Missing! As in gone, not here, absent, out of reach—"

"...departed, not present, dis--…"

"Not funny!" Zack crossed his arms and did a rather effective impression of glowering.

"Then, what was his last known location?"

"Maj. Marco sent him on some lowly errand off-base." Zack was glaring proficiently now.

"And Maj. Marco is where?"

"He freaking left for Junon. That's why he sent Cloud off wherever in such a hurry, 'cause some emergency thing in Junon. But now I can't get a hold of Marco to ask where he sent him. And Cloud's been gone over an hour. He should be back by now!"

"Zack, he could have been sent anywhere in Midgar and he may have also had to wait for a reply of a return. It will be at least another hour before concern is justifiable."

"Come on, he'd have to be on the edge of the city for it to take that long!"

"That may very well be the case."

"But he doesn't know the city. How's he supposed to find his way all the way out there?"

"It would be a simple matter to ask for directions."

"Yeah, I s'pose he could probably find someone to get directions from, he has such a honest, innocent face… Ah, no, no, no!" Zack dropped down into a chair to bang his head into Sephiroth's desk. "His face his _too_ cute and innocent, Seph! He'll never make it out of the city…"

"You're panicking over speculations based on unfounded speculations. Pull yourself together, Zack." Sephiroth was using his excellent reprimanding voice.

"It's not like you aren't worried, you're just better at hiding it." Zack sniffled.

"I'm not worried; you do more than enough of that, for the both of us."

"But what if he—"

"I'll listen to you in exactly one hour. Until then you may study all of the possible, direct and implied meanings of 'quietude'."

**Roughly an hour later**

"It's been a hour, Seph."

"Fifty-nine minutes forty-two seconds." Sephiroth corrected.

"Shit, how do you do that without a clock?"

"Practice."'

"Ha! I knew you were as worried as I am; you're drumming your fingers again!"

"That's because…_you've been pacing my office and whining for the last __**hour**__._" The General growled, seriously, growled.

Zack took a few steps back. "Fifty-nine minutes fifty-eight seconds, actually…" Zack had all the famed courage of every glorious, extinct civilization that has been destroyed in one last awe inspiring battle to the death. His parents had sometimes wondered if his intentions could become misplaced, but hey, they worried too much.

Zack slouched into a chair again. "Something horrible happened, I know it…"

"Zack, one more word…"

"There's a terrible feeling in my stomach, I…YOUCH!!"

**Outside, down the hall**

"J-Jake? Was that coming from the G-General's office?"

"…uh, yeah, his, uh, Second, just went in there…"

"W-What do you think's go-oing on?"

"…I've, um, heard stories…"

"AHHHH!!"

"Jake, I don't want to work here anymore!"

**Back in the General Sephiroth's office**

Zack cradled his arm, which had been so innocently resting on Sephiroth's desk only a minute ago. "Holy shit! I'm gonna need my bone set!"

"I warned you."

"You seriously have to work on dealing with your anger management problems!"

"I _have_ found a way to manage my anger." Sephiroth rose gracefully; a blood freezing smirk on his lips. "Your bones give the most satisfying crunch."

"I hate your sense of humor. Gees!" Zack scrambled backward, knocking his chair over in the process.

"Who's joking?" The General sauntered over to his fallen companion.

"Hey! We need to be looking for Cloud now!" Zack crawled backwards.

"Just allow me one delicious snap?" The Silver General held up his index finger like a kid asking for one more cookie.

Zack pounded his first into the floor and sobbed dramatically. "My CO is a crazed psychopathic sadist!"

"And you're a drama queen." Sephiroth grasped his second's wrist.

"Don't touch the arm!" Zack wailed.

"It's not broken." The General hauled Zack to his feet by that very same injured limb.

Zack yelped and flexed his arm. "Huh, it's not…" He scowled. "No thanks to you! And it still hurts, damn it!"

"Remember Cloud now."

"Right." All the worry flooded back into Zack's expressive features. "What are we going to do?"

"For the record, I still believe you're over reacting."

"Come on! It's been ages since he left! And Cloud's used to the country; Midgar is a completely foreign element to him!"

"**I** have been training him." Sephiroth stated as though it were the end to all conflict. "He can handle himself."

"But he could have gotten hurt or sick or something. He's prone to migraines you know. And accidents still happen…especially close to home, right? He could have been on his way back, and be bleeding to death now in the next room, right under our noses!"

"Firstly: you've already searched the next room and pissed off the Colonel in doing so. Secondly: why in Shiva's name would he be bleeding to death from a migraine?!" Sephiroth's voice rose approximately 0.5 decibel at the end of the last question. Quite remarkable really.

"He could have been stabbed or gotten food poisoning too, you know! Internal hemorrhaging Seph! It happens everyday!"

"I feel a brain aneurism coming on." The General rubbed his forehead in pain.

"Oh no, what if he got sick all alone in some alleyway? He'd be dead before anyone found him. And whoever did find him, would just go though his clothes looking for loose gil!"

"What do you suggest we do? Pull every man in SOLDIER away from his duties to search for a cadet missing _two hours_?"

"Hey that's a wonderful idea! Why didn't I think of that sooner?!" Zack effused. "When do we get started?"

"Zack," The General spoke very clearly and in small words. "I am going to go look for him myself." He tightened the buckle on his coat. "If a few of the citizens suffer strokes while I'm tarring up streets, I'm going to put it on _your_ record."

"Hey, hey, I'm going with!"

"Oh, but you must stay here incase he returns." Sephiroth replied without hesitation and began his onslaught on the space between his desk and the door, the door and the end of the hall.

"Not working this time, Seph! I told a buddy to call me if Cloud comes back." Zack jogged to keep up. "The only way to leave me behind would be to kill me."

"Do you wish the service to be held here or Gongaga?" The General questioned. "Perhaps you would prefer your corpse to be desecrated by wild animals and become carrion, the way Gaia intended?"

Zack jumped through the elevator doors before they could close and immediately latched his fingers onto Sephiroth's arm. "Oh God, Cloud could have been eaten by wild animals!"

The general took a deep steadying breath, as each one of his nerves cried out in unmitigated anguish. "You do this just to elicit an emotional response from me, don't you?"

Zack did not hear. "…I'd never forgive myself!"

"Put your conscience to rest, Zack. If Cloud has been eaten, I will see that full recompense is made. First you will be offered to the beasts for consumption. I'm assuming that since Cloud is small, they will still be hungry enough to eat you, even though you'd undoubtedly taste more bitter…"

"Is this something you think about often, Seph?"

Sephiroth continued. "…after you had been only partially digested…"

Zack made a face.

"…I will then slay the beasts, taking my vengeance on them and thereby effectively killing you twice." Sephiroth smiled at the thought. "You will receive a double absolution for your sins and therefore your soul will be made twice as pure, allowing you to escape torment after death."

"…I'm really not sure how I feel about that statement…" Zack stared blankly at the wall.

"Gratefulness would be the appropriate response." Sephiroth answered him helpfully.

"Yeah, thank—hey! How the hell does that work?! It wasn't my fault he was eaten! If anything it was your fault for not listening to me sooner! You should be the one to pay!"

"Impossible." Sephiroth explained, while exiting the stopped elevator. "Any living animal would die immediately, after ingesting only a small amount of my blood. You will have to be the one who is sacrificed."

Zack hung his head. "You'll take good care of Cloud for me, when I'm gone, won't you Seph?"

"He's already dead, remember."

"Oh yeah…" Zack blinked then gave his CO a light 150lb smack to the shoulder. "How can you say something like that?! That's a horrible thought! Cloud's too young to die! He has so much life ahead of him…" Zack looked around with big watery eyes. "You know, that blond kid over there kind of reminds me of him…" He sniffled with nostalgia.

The General's eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. "That may have something to do with the fact that it _is_ him."

"What?!" Zack exclaimed euphorically.

"Zack…" The General closed his eyes and then opened them slowly. "If it turns out that Cloud has been in the complex this entire time…I'm going to incinerate our CD collection in front of you."

"Hey, it _is_ him!" Zack disappeared, a blur of over-energized, Mako infused, glomp-potential. Sephiroth decided then and there, to restrict Zack's supply of power bars, orange juice and Top-tarts…and maybe put him on some experimental psychotropic medications. Yes, that would be a very wonderful idea.

"Spiky! Where the hell have you been?!" Zack shouted, reprimanding with his hands on his hips.

The blond set his back against a wall looking more toward the floor. "It told you. Maj. Mar—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, he sent you on some stupid errand. But you're usually only gone for fifteen or twenty minutes! What took you so long?"

While Zack waited for an answer, less than patiently, the general arrived in his purposefully controlled stride and greeted the long missing cadet.

"Cloud, it's good to see you are intact." He offered a friendly nod. "Zack was already mourning your untimely demise." He offered a mocking smirk.

"That's nice. Pick on the distraught friend…" Zack muttered.

"I believe the wake was going to be a very stylish affair." Sephiroth continued, as the blond chuckled quietly.

"Seriously, you have a lot of room to talk." Zack complained. "You're gone a couple of hours Spiky, and he almost broke my arm, threatened my property and started making plans of sacrificing me to monsters!"

"I hadn't told you this Zack, but I've always had plans of sacrificing you to a monster."

"See what I mean? He's been hell to be around!—and why won't you look at me?" Zack grabbed the blonde's chin and wrenched his face from its tilt toward the floor. "Cloud?" The cadet's soft blond hair fell back to reveal a swelling purple mark on his cheek and another little cut on his jaw…

"**What the hell?!"**

Tiny sweat drops appeared over all of the innocent bystanders in the area and they began quickly filing away from the vicinity. Some of them recognized Zack's protective yell and filed away quicker. There was nothing quite as bad as a protective Zack…except a protective Sephiroth, which though much more rarely seen, was a little bit worse. And there were the two of them there… Some of the wise ran. They had so, so many things they remembered needing to do right now; grocery shopping to do, garages to clean out, tax reports to file, mother-in-laws to visit…

"What happened?! Are you okay?! How'd you get that bruise?! I told you something terrible would happen, Seph! We should have gone looking sooner! Who'd—"

"Zack." Cloud interrupted. "Nothing terrible happened! I'm fine. It's simple. I was just heading back here and I happened to walk by where this, sort of, erm, robbery was taking place and—"

"You had a run in some slum thugs?" Zack questioned looking more worried than ever before.

"Well, yeah…"

"Oh my god, are sure you're okay?! If they hurt you, I swear I'm going tear apart every last one of 'em. I'll rip out their goddamn little bones out and break them one by one. I'll read Seph's book if I have to and do it right!" Zack re-adhered to the blond, in advanced-glomp-mode. Scientists speculated it to be subconscious maternal instinct, designed to combine two bodies into one. Unfortunately with individuals possessing two separate bodies, it can be painful to one or both; in this case the little blond one.

Cloud would have tried again to assure Zack of his definitive fineness, but only a ragged gasp came out.

"Zack, he can't breathe." Sephiroth grabbed his second by the back of the neck and gave his famous 'whiplash toss' which he only used on Zack and people he wanted to kill. Sometimes the lines blurred.

The ever durable SOLDIER bounced back, as always and pounced back on Cloud again, this time clutching him more loosely, so as not to be thrown twenty yards across the room again. He really needed a chiropractor.

Sephiroth began softly. "I understand Zack's concern, Cloud. Please recount the events which took place after you left this compound."

"Well, as ordered, I took Maj. Marco's antique sword to a repair shop about fifteen minutes away. On my way back I was headed for the east entrance when I noticed a woman being robbed and tried to…intervene."

"How many were her attackers?" The General questioned.

"Two."

"Continue." Sephiroth nodded.

"They ran away when I yelled at them but the woman was still crying about something they had stolen, so I decided to try and chase them down…"

"And, and, and?" Zack gestured impatiently for him to continue.

"…that lead me down a street where I thought I had lost them. But there turned out to be a blind alley I couldn't see and one of them hit me in the face with a pipe while was walking past."

Zack 'eeped' and grabbed Cloud's arm tighter, depriving the poor limb of much needed blood supply.

"I really wasn't paying enough attention to my surroundings." The blond hung his head. "I landed on some broken glass and one of them stepped one my neck while the other searched me for anything valuable, of course I don't actually have anything valuable on me…"

"So they gave up?" Zack prodded.

"Not exactly… The one standing one my neck was completely off unbalanced so wrapped my arm around his knee and rolled. I kicked the other in the head and destabilized him long enough to trip him and twist the pipe out of his hand. Then I demanded back what they'd stolen…"

Zack's eyes widened. "Whoa! Spiky, you totally kicked ass!" He cheered.

Cloud unfortunately didn't share his exuberance and continued hanging his head, mumbling with a bleak exasperation, "The point is, I was injured chasing…_purse snatchers._"

Zack huffed. "Do you have to be so negative?"

"A more important point," Sephiroth commanded their attention. "Is that they had the advantage in both numbers and terrain, yet you managed to overpower, immobilized them and secure your objective. If this were a training operation, I would say that you had been successful."

"Yeah, listen to him!"

Cloud nodded and seemed to hate himself about ninety percent less now.

"So can you say what they looked like?" Zack growled, eying Cloud's bruise.

"Why? They're not really anything to worry about..."

"But they're still thugs. And the bastards hurt your prêt—" Zack noticed a warning look in those narrowing blue eyes. "…erm…handsome face."

"I don't really blame them." Cloud started hesitantly. "They didn't look dangerous actually, more like poor… How can you condemn them if they might not have anything to live on?"

"Of course you can not condemn them." Sephiroth assured, his eyes more subtly flicking over the nasty swelling on Cloud's cheekbone. "But perhaps if you could provide a description, ShinRa might be able to offer them some kind of assistance, so they would no longer have to resort to thievery and mugging."

Sephiroth smiled warmly and Zack's skin absolutely crawled. His brief, two minute, interest in torture came to an abrupt and grinding halt, as a myriad of mind-warping images were induced by the tone in Sephiroth's voice. Seriously, sometimes the man could go too far.

Zack inched away from the General, wrapping himself around Cloud for comfort, who also had stunned-disturbed expression and was no doubt trying to interpret the unexpected shivers he was getting. After all the times Zack had tried to convince Sephiroth to smile more, he suddenly decided that it was very, very bad idea.

"So!" Zack interrupted, trying to change the subject. "You gave the junk back to the chick, right?"

Cloud nodded.

"Was she crying about anything important, or just twenty gil and nail polish?"

Cloud cringed. "Well, actually it was, um…" He continued quickly. "… the engagement ring from her fiancé who was killed in Wutai a week before they were going to be married." The blond coughed.

"You've got to be kidding." Zack gaped.

"Most of an hour, I spent listening while she told me the story." Cloud affirmed.

"You're quite the hero there, Spiky." Zack ruffled the blonde's admittedly, fluffy mess of hair.

"She, um, made me take this, to show her appreciation." Cloud produced a crumpled brown paper bag, which had heretofore, been partially hidden behind his back.

Zack's eyebrows rose. "I've been handed those before. …she paid you with marijuana?!"

Sephiroth took the bag and quickly investigated its contents. "Yes Zack, chocolate chip hazelnut flavored marijuana." The General held up the flat rounded treat. "Snickerdoodle as well…"

"No shit, she baked it into cookies? That gives a whole new evil to the munchies you know. But the high lasts for…why are you looking at me like that?"

Sephiroth sighed condescendingly and sniffed the cookies. "There is no trace of Tetrahydrocannabinol or any other restricted substance in these cookies."

"None? How cheap is that? Why would she give him plain cookies?"

"Some would say…" Sephiroth forgot his characteristically acerbic remark when Cloud's spikes brushed against his chin. The blond was peaking inside the paper bag he held.

"Snickerdoodle? Really?" The cadet asked curiously.

"Yes."

Zack sniggered. "Looks like we need milk."

…………………………………………

Okay, hope you enjoyed it! If I'm still alive tomorrow, I should be able to reply to reviews etc.. -is dragged off for torture-


	20. Chapter 20 The Importance of Cheese Dip

Yay! I've got my new Rammstein CD's and I'm oh so gleefulXP Admiration for one; 'Stein um Stein' spawned the first part of this chap. You don't really need to know the song to get the fic though. I was going to put a link on my profile anyway, but the linky thing won't work and I have no idea why. I'm probably just being stupid, but I can't figure out why the damn thing isn't working –sigh-

Lyrics and translation from: HERZELIED(dot)com. Tactics text from: the.art.of.battle.350(dot)com.

No, I do not own 'Rammstein' or 'Stein um Stein'. I'm not creative enough to make music like that and I really think I'd have trouble singing that low O.o…

……………………………………….

Chapter twenty

The Silver General stopped in front of his apartment door, expectant of the lovely solitude he would find there.

No sooner had said general opened his apartment door, than he began to ponder why the gods had decreed that he should suffer. Yes, he knew they were laughing at him right now; he must make wonderful amusement because his life went on and on this way.

"Zack, what are you doing?" Sephiroth kept his voice at an even monotone.

If it was true that living creatures had some power over their fate, he was to blame for the measures he hadn't taken. He hadn't been descriptive enough when he was describing the things he would do to Zack, if the man violated his sacred space. His account had not been detailed enough and he had not put enough emphasis into his words nor had he used depictions. He had never reiterated his policy on privacy infringement to Zack, even though he knew that the nature of his lieutenant's mind reacted best to repetition.

He really had failed. He had not given his soul to the effort of claiming perfection and as a result, perfection had not been achieved. Maybe he was losing his touch?

Zack looked up and waved at him with something shiny and plastic in his hand. "Hey, Seph! Don't kill me!"

The Silver Haired Man had to admit it; one of things he actually admired about Zack was his directness. It was such an extremely short statement, yet reached every important point and conveyed the man's desires succinctly.

"Give me three good reasons and I will consider giving you a two hour probationary period, during which you may farther attempt proving the value of your life, or parley for quick death over a slow one."

"I needed to do something for Cloud." Zack smiled convincingly.

Sephiroth's left eye twitched. He had the vague sense of history repeating itself. This was becoming monotonous. He really should have disemboweled the SOLDIER and hung his body at the entrance of the building as an example to others, or on a more peaceful note, simply thrown him out a window or door. Instead, he said, "That's only one reason."

"Well, it's for Cloud, it's needful, and um…in a way, you're the one who told me to do it." Zack brandished the shiny plastic for display, revealing it to be a CD case baring the nomenclature 'RAMMSTEIN REISE, REISE'.

"I got this from that guy, what's-his-name, with the accent? Well, I was gonna give it a Cloudy 'cause he likes music more. But you kept bit—erm, that is, you didn't like the last stuff. So I wanted to listen to it first, and this was the only place I could think of." Zack helped himself to the CD slot on Sephiroth's 'kick-ass-multimedia-ownage devices'.

Sephiroth made a derisive sound and began un-strapping his boots.

"Why do you have this sound system if you never use it?" Zack flicked the sound up, and when he didn't hear anything soon enough, skipped it to a random track.

"It was already installed when I moved in."

A low thrum began filtering from the crystal clear speakers.

It sounded like they were at a freaking concert, Zack mused, envying Sephiroth's sound system and tapping his fingers against his leg with the beat. "Hmm, cool."

It didn't take long for a deep voice, rich like extra dark coffee, to mingle with the vibrating of the harmony. Zack's features tangled in confusion. "What's he singing? I can't make anything out."

"Obviously, you never studied other languages." Sephiroth commented, placing his boots neatly inside the closet.

Zack skipped to the next track and the process repeated itself, as with the next and the next, till he was almost to the end of the album. "They're all in another language. What fun is that?" He moped slightly.

"You could learn to appreciate the intricacies of beat, rhythm and melodic and harmonic interchange. That would keep you busy from now until eternity… Though if you were going to _try_, I still recommend Wager or Grieg for examples of how musical art is _truly_ created."

"The music is nice though." Zack observed, having effectively tuned out everything his commanding officer had imparted unto him, in favor of the lilting foreign words and beat. "And damn if that guy doesn't have a cool voice. Tell me what he's saying, please, please?"

The Silver Haired General was about inform his Second of exactly how unlikely it was for him to willingly play translator to his airhead lieutenant, when the cords of the newest track Zack had randomly halted on, reached his hearing. He knew this song. Sephiroth had heard it filtering from the ShinRa Heir's room, during his angsty preteen years. Yes, by ten Rufus had given up on any sort of vaguely emotion related behavior, in place of being the cold bastard he was. The point was that this stage in Rufus' life had served to acquaint the General with this piece of 'industrial metal'. He knew this one well.

The singer began in a tone seeping with scarcely contained emotion. Sephiroth noted it sounded half ways orgasmic, but the powerful delight was deeply, darkly malevolent. Perfect.

The voice began: _"__Ich habe Pläne große Pläne"_

"**I have plans, big plans,"** Sephiroth began the translation.

"Hey, that's fitting. You always have plans, don't you Seph?"

The General smirked in a very disconcerting fashion and nodded.

"_Ich baue dir ein Haus"_

"**I'm going to build you a house."**

"You really should get me that house in Wutai." Zack snuck in between lines.

Sephiroth cocked his head to the right, as though seriously considering it.

"_Jeder Stein ist eine Träne, Und du ziehst nie wieder aus"_

"**Every stone will be a tear, And you'll never move out again."** Sephiroth lowered his voice and drew the words out.

Zack's expression fell. "Why won't I be able to move out, if I want to?"

"_Ja ich baue ein Häuschen dir, Hat keine Fenster keine Tür"_

"**Yeah, I'm going to build a little house for you, With no window, no door,"** Sephiroth waved his arm in the 'nothing' gesture.

"How the hell does that work?" Zack began to look worried.

"_Innen wird es dunkel sein"_

"**It'll be dark inside,"** Sephiroth began adjusting the custom light fixtures in his apartment, for a more 'comfortable' 'evening-like' atmosphere.

"_Dringt überhaupt kein Licht hinein" _The singer's voice swayed down into a slow lingering tone.

"**No light will get in at all."**

"That sounds a little uncomfortable…"

"_Ja ich schaffe dir ein Heim, Und du sollst Teil des Ganzen sein"_

"**Yeah, I'll make you a home," **Sephiroth slowly moved closer to his Second. **"And you are to be a part of it all."**

The vocalist and Sephiroth both ended the line, pensive and vibrating and Zack nearly jump out of his skin when a wall of guitars kicked in, giving the impression of dual demolition teams successful destroying an entire city block. The singer's voice dropped into a different stratus of the earth's crust and imitated heavy gravel, grinding against steel.

"_Stein um Stein" _

"**Stone by stone,"** Sephiroth's even voice radiated with enough power to be heard over the extra voltage, though he hadn't raised it at all.

_"Mauer ich dich ein" _

"**I'll wall you in."** Sephiroth stood mere inches from his lieutenant.

_"Stein um Stein, Ich werde immer bei dir sein"_ The singer's voice dropped to soft tone, like he was whispering a precious secret.

"**Stone by stone, I'll always be with you."**

"You're moving in with me?" The black haired man controlled the squeaking tendency of his vocal cords.

"_Ohne Kleider, ohne Schuh, Siehst du mir bei der Arbeit zu"_

"**Without clothes, without shoes, You watch me working."**

"Okay that's getting down-right creepy."

"_Mit den Füßen im Zement, Verschönerst du das Fundament"_

"**With you're feet in cement, You brighten up the foundation."** Sephiroth began circling slowly.

"Eh? I am a bright person…" Zack laughed nervously.

"_Draußen wird ein Garten sein"_

"**Outside there will be a garden"** Sephiroth put extra relish into the words, as the singer's voice became more strained.

_"Und niemand __hört__ dich…"_

"**And no one will hear you…"**

"…_schreien"_

Sephiroth stopped directly behind his Second, where he couldn't be seen. And as a brutal cry tore the singer's throat, he whispered next to Zack's ear.

"_**scream."**_

Zack whimpered pitifully to dead ears, feeling the floors vibrating to the thundering chorus.

"_**Stone by stone, I'll wall you in. Stone by stone, I'll always be with you."**_ The voice softened again and stretched the words out in an almost careless way.

"_**I'll always be with you."**_ Both men chorused, in their separate languages.

Zack began inching toward the door but Sephiroth seemed to accidentally block his way, continuing with his translation. A new verse began, this one still holding the grinding strain of the chorus. The singer's guttural song poured out at breaking force, mixing with Sephiroth's echoing speech.

"_Welch ein Klopfen welch ein Hämmern, Draußen fängt es an zu dämmern"_

"**What a pounding, what a hammering. Outside it's starting to get dark,"**

The whole friggin' room was trembling, Zack noticed. He wished he had said good-bye to Cloud one last time.

"_Alle Nägel stehen stramm, Wenn ich sie in dein Leibholz Ramm –"_

"**All the nails stand at attention, When I ram them into your body-wood."**

Sephiroth leaned in for the final pause when the vocalist screamed one more _"Stein!"_ and the guitars reanalyzed the meaning of life.

"**Stone."** The General made sure to smirk evilly, just to be positive Zack was too stunned to ask any stupid questions like…what the hell the song meant. His eyes were glowing green slits in the semidarkness and they gave away no secrets.

"I think I'll leave you alone now." Zack's poor throat sounded dry as he popped the CD out, before the chorus could repeat itself again and bolted for the door.

"You don't want to hear anymore of that?" Sephiroth called after him.

"No, I'm sure Cloud will love it!" Zack's reply was muffled by the hastily shut door.

The Silver General smirked in his amusement. Sometimes, maybe he got to know how the gods felt.

-

Cloud was startled out of his Tactics homework by the door of his and Zack's dorm being swung open. It wasn't surprising that it was the aforementioned SOLDIER who entered; throwing a CD at Cloud and himself onto the bed.

The studious cadet caught the UFO carefully and then brightened, reading the title on it. "You got me more music?" He chirped in his very rare 'Cheerful-Cloud' fashion, only seen by Zack.

The weathered SOLDIER moaned. "You have no idea what I went through to get that."

"Oh, was it really hard to find?" Cloud twirled the object around on his finger.

"Actually, what's-his-name threw it at me this morning in the mess hall."

"Hmm."

"…all I tried to do was use Seph's CD player for a couple of minutes…"

"You didn't!" Cloud's eyes widened in horror and panic, all CD twirling stopped.

"I should have listened to my mother when she told me never play with the other kid's toys, without asking their permission."

"What's he gonna do to you?" Cloud's eyes were framed by worry.

"I don't know. He's already tried mentally torturing me and he always finds that a lot of fun, so maybe he got it out of his system."

Zack jumped off the bed and grabbed the back of Cloud's chair. "So, want a snack?!" He beamed.

Cloud paused blankly for the time it takes a normal human, to adjust to extreme changes in mood and subject, before replying. "Have to finish this." He nodded toward the evilness which bore the name 'Tactics'.

"Aw, I'm hungry. I'll bring something back, K?"

"Mm-hmm." Cloud turned back to the inconspicuous paper which, for the moment bound his soul.

_Each have advantages and disadvantages and some are more effective in some situations and less in others. There is also One Modern Maneuver of War: offensive revolutionary/guerrilla. This maneuver has actually been around for awhile but is only now becoming a legitimate, effective means of victory._

Cloud had read about one more paragraph before the other returned. At first, he thought Zack had forgotten something but he looked up to see that the SOLDIER was now bearing an arm-full of junk food. It was rather disturbing that Zack could accomplish so much in so few minutes, but then, he always did seemed to move faster when food was the goal. He absently wondered if it was true, what they said about Angeal training him with treats…

Cloud gave a pained moan and pushed away all such sanity-disrupting thoughts to focus back on his work…or at least that was what he thought he would be doing, until he was hit in the head with a bag of corn chips.

"Your brain consumes more calories than any other organ." Zack explained, setting the rest of his booty down on the floor along with himself.

"Uh-huh." Cloud ignored the chips when they fell to the floor with a crackle and squinted at the text in front of him. "It burns approximately one and a half calories per minute while actively engaged." He quoted his biology book.

"Show off." Zack pouted, ripping open his own bag of soon-to-be-raw-caloric-energy chips. "But that just proves my point that you need to eat something. Snacks are the key to all academic success!"

Cloud knew to choose his battles and realized his one and only hope of persisting with his studies, was to comply quickly and quietly. He reached down for the chips without even taking his eyes off the rows of oblique information and began obediently munching.

_Penetration of the center: This maneuver involves concentrating superior force at the center of the opposing line in order to punch a hole and then to exploit the advantage with a reserve force._

"Cloudy, are you turning a little pinkish?"

"No." Cloud munched determinedly.

_This maneuver is usually attempted if flanks are protected by obstacles such as rivers._

"_Cloud_…" Zack protested. "Those are _corn chips_."

"Yes?"

_Disadvantages include the threat of being encircled by a cool commander who counters against weakened flanks and the prospect of a high casualty figure if the opposing commander makes good use of exterior lines to transfer forces to meet the attack._

"Well, don't you find them a little plain and bland and disgusting without dip?" He twirled a jar of salsa for emphasis.

"I like them this way." Cloud crunched a chip to establish his point.

_Envelopment of a single flank: __This maneuver involves using pinning attacks on the opposing center, sometimes a flank as well, while using mobile forces to try and turn the other flank and roll up the line towards the center. This maneuver is one of the most frequently…_

"Yuck, corn chips where like the entire reason dip was invented." Zack gestured to his ever so delicious jalapeno cheese sauce

"No, the chips were probably designed as a way to eat the dip."

…_used. Advantages include the possibility of…_

"Why would there even be dip if there weren't any chips to eat it with?" Zack questioned.

"Well, why would there be dip if there weren't any...?" Cloud hit his head on the text filled page, which should have been finished ten minutes ago. How had he gotten into a conversation like this?

"You okay, Cloud? Probably low blood sugar…"

The blond slowly picked up his head and scanned the work which had been assigned to him for today. _So_ close. "One more paragraph?" He pleaded, holding up a single digit. "Just one more?"

"Sure, whatever." Zack shrugged, instantly silent.

Cloud blinked at him confusedly for a second before pouncing on his book while his chance lasted.

…_enveloping a portion of the opposing army and usually offer less risk of disaster than other maneuvers. However, disadvantages still include the risk of a counterstroke against one's weakened center and other flank…_

Cloud's surprise was imaginable when the last of the evil that was his studies was finished with uninterrupted silence from Zack's corner. The blond sighed contentedly and pushed the tormenting text book back, signaling the end of the enforced stillness.

"So…what was so much more important than salsa?" Zack questioned.

"Tactics." Cloud settled himself down on the floor cross-legged with the rest of the junk food.

"_Tactics_…" There was something important about that word… Zack smacked his forehead with a whine. "Urg, they're going to make me teach that class again tomorrow…" Zack looked wounded. "I forgot all about it."

"Hmm, everybody loves it when you teach tactics." Cloud commented, uncovering all the mysteries that were salsa.

"Gah! I didn't get any of my stuff together. Seph's gonna kill me if I screw up and drop all of the cadet's grade point average again."

Cloud nodded his affirmation. That seemed to be a very reasonable statement.

"Can you help me with that bullet pointing thing? You're better at it then I am always. They should have you teach the damn class…"

"Okay, I'll hel—hey, wait a minute." Cloud stopped. "When I asked you to help _me_, I had to get you out of missions that Sephiroth was sending you on."

"But you were the one who said you didn't have anything to do with that, Cloudy, remember? And I quote: 'Actually, I didn't so anything.'; 'He was already planning to let you have a break.'" Zack smirked.

"Well…" Cloud began. "The _point_ is that I worked at it. I did _try_ to help you, even though I didn't _need_ to. So why am I always helping you for free?"

"Um…because you're a nice cadet, who likes doing favors for his commanding officer?" What was it that sounded so strange about that statement? Zack wondered. If he could only figure it out…

Cloud gave a disgruntled little cry of protest. "You mean you use your rank to take advantage of me?"

"What!? Did I say that?" A chip snapped in the SOLDIER's hand. "Seriously Cloud, what is it you want me to do? I'll do it! Don't be mad at me…or say that out loud…or say it out loud if Seph is nearby…" Zack winced subconsciously.

Cloud really hadn't expected this to work so well. Now what did he want? Well…pretty much…nothing. "Hmm, anything at all?" He asked, tapping his chin.

"Anything at all! I am completely at your mercy!" Zack smiled deviously. "But I should remind you that you're only fifteen and if you do anything illegal to me—"

"Promise?" Cloud interrupted, a smirk spreading across his young features.

"Um…" Zack looked at his friend nervously. Cloud's cute face wasn't supposed to look all evil like that, it was unnatural. He was definitely letting the kid spend too much time around Sephiroth; the malicious tendencies were rubbing off. "…yeah?"

"Well, for starters, I want…your cheese dip." Cloud pushed the plain salsa away and held out his hand.

"M-my cheese dip?" Zack's expressive violet eyes were contrite and forlorn, his head bowed slightly as he looked past long lashes

Cloud had to look away from the puppy-attack in order to keep from giving in. He could hear Sephiroth in his mind, encouraging him to stay strong. And he tried to hold up against the terrible forces. He could do this.

"Yes."

Zack looked like he had just been asked to cut the life-support to his dying mother. But he handed the jar over with a weak smile, calculated to evoke unbearable levels of mind-numbing guilt.

Cloud tested the cheese dip experimentally, eyes widening when the flavor hit his tongue. He really could see how Zack had gotten so attached to this stuff… Cloud munched hungrily until noticing the way Zack was humbly nibbled at the salsa; his dark bangs seemed to droop around his eyes his he quietly resigned himself to the uninteresting salsa.

"_Okay_, okay, you win." Cloud set the dip halfway between them, rolling his eyes.

"Did I ever tell you what a wonderful friend you are, Spiky?" Zack grinned, rejoicing the return of his cheese dip.

"Um, I'm pretty sure you have…"

"That's good."

A few minutes latter there was something terribly, horribly wrong. It shouldn't have happened to two so young, but it proved Sephiroth's constant affirmation that the world is a cruel and vastly unfair place. Deep down, Zack was beginning to recognize that Sephiroth was always right. Cloud already knew this.

"Oh-no." Zack emoted.

Cloud leaned over to look at the bottom of the now empty jar. "That isn't good."

"Not at all."

"We need _more_."

"But…" Zack studied the empty vessel mournfully. "That was the last jar. They don't restock until next month."

"What??" Cloud panicked.

"That's why it's so valuable…there's never enough."

"Oh, great. What are we going to do?"

"I have no idea."

"I just can't figure out why it tastes so good…" Cloud gave the jar a concerned stare.

"Probably all the MSG. It's like the third ingredient."

"I feel like a drug addict."

"They say some people are more sensitive to it…"

"Where can you get more?" The blond demanded.

"Well…if it's just the MSG you want, I think the Cajon chicken has a lot of it…" Zack offered the cadet a worried glance.

"Good. Get me some."

"…Cloud, are you sure you're okay?"

"I _won't_ be until you get me more cheese dip."

"I wonder if you're having a reaction of something…" Zack leaned forward to check for dilated pupils, etc. He didn't really know what to look for with MSG overdoses--was there even such a thing?--but he knew a little bit about other kinds of drugs, so he thought maybe it was worth a try.

"_What_ did I just tell you to do?" The blond shoved him back roughly, with an angry scowl.

"Um…get you more cheese dip?" The SOLDIER cowered.

"So what are you still doing here?"

"Um…wondering what happened to my sweet little Cloud?"

"He'll come back when you get him more cheese dip."

Zack's PHS sounded and he jumped to answer it like the well-trained, dutiful SOLDIER he was. Cloud swore he somehow planned these things.

"Zack here!"

Cloud of course, couldn't hear anything on the other end and watched Zack's responses for some clue. Really, there wasn't anything you could not learn from the man's responses.

"Oh, Seph, hey…"

…

"Tactics Class? No, of course I didn't forget. Why would you think that?"

…

"Well, I asked why, but you didn't have to tell me…"

…

"I think that was a rather cruel thing to say, Seph."

…

"It's your fault you picked me for your Second. Now you have to live with it."

…

"Don't even say something like that! Suicide is a mortal sin."

…

"Eh?! Murder is obviously worse! And you're so evil you'd go straight to hell."

…

"You say that now, but you didn't know I have some relatives who I think went there. So now what do you say?"

…

"No way! I don't want you torturing my dead relatives! That's not fair. They're already dead and paying for whatever they did."

…

"How does that work? I mean they're already dead and you can't kill…"

…

"What?! You can do that? There's no way I'm ever dying if that's true!"

…

"…mph, why do you like to disturb me so much?"

…

"What were you saying about tactics class, Seph?"

…

"…yeah, no problem. I'm going to find something to teach them this time. Me and Clo--that is, I'll get it worked out tonight."

…

"No, I didn't say that. Did it sound like I said that?"

…

"What Cadet Labor laws?"

…

"Funny I never heard of them when I was a cadet…"

…

"Then why did I have to clean out the whole Third Class barracks?!"

…

"It wasn't _that_ long ago! You're using a double standard on me again."

…

"Why does Cloud get to have human rights and I don't?"

…

"What?"

…

"Oh, _why_ did I join up?? _Why_?!"

…

"Oh, wait just a second! Being the General…you have a lot of special privileges, right?"

…

"…was that a 'yes'? I don't think that was a 'yes' but there's no use denying it."

…

"Wait a sec! I need cheese dip! You must have some special general-level cheese dip, right?"

…

"No! You have to help me! I—"

…

"Seph? Seph? Seph? …damnit." Zack looked back to the scary blond cadet on the floor, whom he still hadn't acquired any cheese dip for. "See? I tried. And it's the trying that counts, right?Zack watched the blonde's lack of response.

Why was this turning out to be such a bad day?

………………………………

What am I obsessed with food or something? Sometimes I think so… Well, because I cannot separate fantasy from reality, the cheese dip is an honest-to-god food that I've had as well. With lots and lots and lots of MSG in it…oh yeah baby. Erm, yeah, had to stop eating it…

Please review. And many thanks!!:D


	21. Chapter 21 Only Cajun Chicken

Whoa, twenty-one! My fic is drinking age now!! …I didn't actually say that…you were hearing things… -runs away pointing to fic for diversion-

Special thankies to **Shiruy** my Reno Muse! She's responsible for the return of the redhead, so blame her:D

…………………………………

Chapter twenty-one

"Cloud, please? Pretty, pretty please? I tried. That's all that matters, right? I really, really tried. There's only so much I can do."

Zack continued to reason with the cadet. Leading him trough the halls towards the room where he would presumably, soon be filling young cadet minds with the invaluable knowledge only a First Class can properly explain. His intent was to look though the slides of a somewhat ancient, projector device that would supposedly help illustrate the vital subject he was going to teach. But really…a projector? Did ShinRa never update?

The blond at his side, had been baited out under the promise of Cajun chicken, heavily defiled with MSG. But as Cloud had so astutely pointed out before his extrication from the dorm, where he had been so comfortable ensconced not three minutes earlier: chicken was not cheese dip. And unless Zack mastered the high principles of transmutation very quickly, it never would be. This was a problem.

Zack continued indefatigably. "I'm only human, you know. And some things just aren't possible. I can't do what's impossible. I can't! I would if could. Of course I would! You know that, Cloud."

The SOLDIER's aura was incredibly sad and pleading. Cloud had previously thought this level of abject pitiablility, could only achieved by the small rabbits he had seen kept in the Labs, waiting for dissection. But the black haired man continued to hold him in awe. It seemed he still had a lot to learn.

"You do believe me don't you? I've never lied to you! Well…not when it mattered that is… I wouldn't lie about something this important!"

Some active part of the blonde's conscience told him that he aught to say something to ease Zack's mind. But he was really starting to wonder how long the SOLDIER could go on before feeling, maybe…degraded? ….it wasn't happening any time soon…

"I'm mean, it's not like I'm Sephiroth or anything. I can't just snap my fingers and make people crumple it fear and scramble to get cheese dip for me, or make time stand still, or make Gaia open up and swallow people who I don't like."

"Can he really do all that?" The blond questioned. It sounded rather extreme, but then again, this _was_ Sephiroth they where talking about…

"Well, I'm not quite sure about the rest, but the crumpling and scrambling part is definitely true."

"Hmm, you can't do all that…but I have seen strange things happen when you smile. Maybe you could smile some cheese dip into existence?" Cloud suggested, encouraging the other to be creative.

"If it was that easy, I would have done it already! Besides, if I had weird powers like that, Hojo would have had me analyzed and cloned by now, for use as a super weapon."

"No…" Cloud pondered. "I think Sephiroth would be afraid that your clones would have your personality and stop him."

"Ha-ha, I knew my charming persona would save me one day!"

"Sephiroth doesn't smile very much himself…" Cloud slipped into a state of musing.

"Nope."

"…what is it they say about that…?" Cloud's voice acquired a distant expression.

"You mean '_Every time Sephiroth smiles fifty puppies die._'" Zack quoted.

"That one." Cloud immediately straightened up and huffed, highly offended. "What a stupid idea."

"Yup, they're crazy! I think it's more like twenty-five or twenty-six…" Zack backed down at a glare from the cadet. "Okay, okay. But the point is I just can't do everything." He held up his hands in a gesture of impotency ((but don't tell him it's called that)). "I wish I could."

Cloud gave in with a sigh. "True, you're only a lieutenant…"

"Exactly my point! I'm only…well…I wouldn't say '_only'_. I mean, not _everyone_ can be the General you know…"

"Hmm, maybe I can ask him about it…?" Cloud mused absently.

"What?! You'd leave me for him? Just because of snack food?!" Zack's look of betrayal could not be described without tears.

Cloud snapped out of his reverie. "What? Um, what were we talking about?"

"It's already started." The SOLDIER hung his head sadly. "You're not even listening to be anymore… I'm losing you…" He sniffled softly.

Cloud focused on the other man; throwing himself into the hopeless pursuit of uncovering his companion's thoughts. What was going on? Was Zack joking again? Or was he exaggerating his feelings to get his point across? Or, God forbid, was he honestly expressing himself? No. Cloud shook the last thought out of his mind. No one could be that emotional and live past the age of nine.

Perhaps Zack thought he was being purposefully cruel though…? Maybe he should… No, he _had_ to be strong.

Zack quietly brushed his nose with a limp hand.

"Okay, I guess I understand about the cheese dip…" Cloud mentally smacked his forehead. What happened to being strong?

"You do? Yes!" Zack beamed. "After all, there're lots of other reasons to help me anyway!"

Cloud raised a single eyebrow. "Such as?"

**Three and a half minutes later.**

"Um, because I'm a naturally good and well-meaning person?" Zack suggested.

"A person can be well-meaning, without achieving anything good." Cloud pointed out.

"Because I'll perish horribly if you don't?"

"I don't think so…"

Would these hallways never end?

"Because you're instinctively, a very helpful person?"

"I heard that I was a selfish child…" Cloud admitted sadly.

"Because you're trying to reform then?"

"Hmm, I think I've got that pretty well worked out." Cloud nodded to himself in assurance.

"Because Seph will be mad at me if I mess up again without your help?"

"Well, he's always mad at you anyway…one more little thing shouldn't make that much of a difference…"

Zack clutched his head in frustration. "There's not way to win! I don't get it, Cloud. Why don't you like me anymore?" He asked in a voice choked with repressed sobs.

"I didn't say I don't like you." Cloud insisted. "I just said that none of those are the reasons why I'll help you."

"But then why…?" Zack paused as he diagramed that sentence backwards and forwards in his mind. It was unmistakably cryptic, yet poetic and full of meaning, he decided. The last three words had the sweet taste of ambrosia dripping from their delicate, musical syllables. He briefly considered engraving them in gold somewhere.

"Wha? That means you will help me!" Zack wasted no time in tackle-glomping the defenseless cadet. "Cloud, I love you!"

Cloud responded with the customary 'Geck!' noise made by small people being squished my hyperactive First Class SOLDIERs, as well as unsuspecting pedestrians being hit by busses or other large vehicles.

The sudden paroxysms of pain in the blonde's neck and ribs were completely forgotten however, at the eerily familiar and wholly disturbing sound which was infecting his ears.

"I hope that means a engagement, yo."

Cloud heard the relaxed tap-tap-tap of an EMR on a bony shoulder. Why was that so unsettling?

Though the affect of the nonchalant Turk produced mainly apprehension, among a few other feelings, to Cloud; Zack was among the few people who could feel an amount of congeniality toward him (though perhaps a certain increase of alpha male aggression).

Zack straightened up and righted the cadet, scowling. "Eh? Reno, what are you doing here?"

"Turk business. No can tell." The redhead smirked. "But I have to say, you SOLDIERs sure are kinky.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that!" Zack gave sad attempt at defending his questionable actions. "Idiot…"

"Trying to back out now?" Reno shook his head solemnly. "That saddens me, Zack. It truly does. I though you were better than that."

"How would you like to have that precious rod shoved up your ass?" Zack question good naturedly.

This may not have seemed to be the epitome of congenially, but under the circumstances...

"Like I said: kinky to the max." Reno continued taunting, while defensively tightening his grip on the much loved EMR. He turned to the cadet with a sincere and (Zack's fragile sanity cried out in pain) motherly tone. "Now Cloud, just because a man says he loves you, doesn't—"

"Heehee!"

Reno's evil snark was cut off by insane laughter coming from the nearby SOLDIER. He might have paled, if it was humanly possible for his skin to get any lighter. 'What did Zack know that he didn't?' was the pressing question on his mind. Turks were supposed to know everything, right?

"I was just thinking about those hilarious pictures I have of you, wearing Cissnei's thong."

Cloud did blanch. And he swore that he would see a counselor when this ordeal was over.

"Not working." The redhead smirked. "I'm not ashamed of anything I may have done, while under the influence." He shrugged it off. "You should see the pics I have of Rude."

Zack curled in on himself and pressed his palms to his eyes, hoping to banish the mental images. "_No…_." It was a low desolate moan.

Reno smiled a smug, evil smile; pleased that his bluff had worked. His was still looking for a substance that would affect his glasses-clad partner. It was a laborious search, but he would someday find the perfect mix of alcohol and chemicals. Persistence always paid off.

"You still with us man?" Reno snapped his fingers in front of the psychologically wounded man, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Oh look." Zack glanced up bleary eyed, and immediately fixed a point of interest directly behind the obtrusive redhead. "Room 46-237, Tactics." He promptly grabbed the cadet and bolted. "Later, Reno!" Zack waved cheerfully.

"What's the rush man?"

Zack started becoming more and more disturbed when the distance between himself and the redhead did not increase, as the space from him and the tactics room decreased. He looked at the redhead askance, who was strolling along behind them, hands in pockets.

"Stop with the stalking."

"I'm bored, yo." Reno slinked along lazily.

Zack opened the door to 'Tactics', shoved Cloud in and attempted to close it before the Turk could slip in. He quickly damned Turks in general all to hell.

"You hurt my deeply." Reno seated himself on a desk and clutched his chest, missing the area where his heart should have been by about five inches. "What're ya tryin' so hard t' get rid of me now for, yo?"

Cloud's forehead wrinkled in thought but Zack was apparently fully able to comprehend the Turk's meaning.

"Seph would **not** like it if he knew you had been within five-hundred yards of Cloud." Zack's face went a blank, remembering what Sephiroth had promised to do to him, should he allow this very event to occur. He knew Sephiroth was just waiting for the right opportunity. Just waiting…

"You know," Reno tapped his EMR thoughtfully. "I'm starting to think this general guy doesn't like me very much…"

"When figure out that one out…?" Zack leaned on a wall limply.

"I'm clever, yo." The Turk tapped a forefinger to his temple.

"It's not fair," Zack whined sadly. "I shouldn't be held responsible for what a _person_ like you does."

"It makes a person wonder _whhhy_ he's so protective…" The redhead began swinging his leg, while slouching on the desk.

"Isn't there any way to make you go away?" Zack asked, rather without hope.

"…hmm…judging from what I hear of SOLDIERs…" Reno continued in his thoughts, not minding that he was being talked to.

"You know, you _are_ just one Turk on a SOLDIER base…" Zack began. "It'd be easy to enough to find help throwing you out."

"…and from what I've heard of this Sephykins…"

Zack heard a low growl somewhere beside him and jumped. He backed away from the cute little blond, who had been busily engaged this whole time attempting to annihilate Reno with the sheer force of his glare. He was getting better at it.

"…a person could get the wrong impression…" Reno smirked to himself.

"I'd shut up now if I were you." Zack warned, nervously edging behind a desk.

Reno hummed with mild curiosity. "Why's that? I'm just pointing out the obvious…"

Before anyone could see what kind of destruction a single cadet could unleash, Zack jumped in shock, looking as though lightening had struck him. "Oh, shit! Did you hear those footsteps?"

"Yup, that's footsteps alright." The Turk agreed. "Is that abnormal around here or something?"

"Oh God, I think it's Seph." Zack flustered. "Under the desk, Reno!"

"What the fu—!"

"I said 'Under the desk'!" Zack grabbed the slightly stunned redhead by his undone shirt and deftly tossed/shoved/threw his semi-friend under the teachers desk which he would soon be instructing impressionable young cadets from.

Cloud industriously 'helped' kick Reno into the first available hiding space and he and Zack quickly took up neutral stances, waiting for the Silver General's advent.

It was rather surprising, if not disappointing, when nothing happened. N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Rather boring really.

Zack's breathing and heart rate finally began to slow and he let out a long breath, listening to the blissful sound of footsteps pacing them by.

"Fewph, I guess it wasn't him." The SOLDIER panted.

Reno grimaced and pounded the side of the desk. His leg had been most inconveniently tangled over his shoulder. "I'm so telling Tseng about this, yo!"

"Come on." Zack kicked him lightly. "This isn't your first intimate acquaintance with a desk, Reno."

"I resent that." Reno said darkly. "Just for that, I'm going to tare these up with my teeth." He waved some shiny, paper-like objects in the air.

"Yes! You found the projector slide paper thingies!" Zack exclaimed joyfully and snatched at them, just the tiniest bit slower than Reno's Turk reflexes could pull them away.

"Nu-uh." Reno withheld the prize while he crawled out from under the desk, successfully relocating his leg to the appropriate end of his body. "You want these; you're going to have to pay."

"Geez! What is it with everyone these days?!" Zack cried. "What can you possibly want?" Reno smirked and Zack instinctively moved to protect the blond.

"Good idea, but I'm not SOLDIER, remember?" The redhead chuckled at his own joke. "Nope, what I want, is what any other man always wants…" He paused dramatically; Zack gave him a black expression. "…beer, yo. Next Friday, you're buying all my drinks."

Zack hung his head. "I feel so used…" Reno fluttered the papery hostages just out of reach and watched the black haired man sigh in defeat.

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Zack held out his hand with a hurt expression that was _clearly_ not working on the remorseless Turk and collected his half of the deal.

Banishing all thoughts of his jeopardized financial security after that, Zack bounced over to the projector and plugged it into an outlet for a test. He happily ignored the death-filled glares and 'friendly' smiles which were passing between his quiet blond and the fiery haired maniac.

"Okey-dokey! Let's see how this thing works!" He switched the light on and put one of the slides where it looked like it should be.

"Dude, did they remove SOLDIER from the ShinRa budget or something?" Reno cocked his head to side and eyed the projection equipment with sneer.

"Hmm…" Zack scratched the back of his head and looked at the light board on the wall, where the image was intended to appear. He could see some lines…or words…or colors? It was something kind of shape-like and fuzzy, he eventually concluded. "I think it's a Moogle!" He proclaimed the newly realized nature of the object.

"Um…I really don't think it's supposed to be displaying Moogles, Zack…" The blond disagreed hesitantly, staring at the strange shape. "What could that have to do with Tactics?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the 'Moogle Attack', Blondie?" Reno swayed slightly where he was standing, his hip set to the side.

"No. But it _sounds_ like a _Turk_ idea." Cloud responded. He was trying for the longest single glare in known history. And as it was, Zack would have been perfectly happy to provide him with some sort of award for outstanding achievement.

"You're right…" Zack pondered. "Maybe it's brown Chocobos…"

"This is some messed up psych test." Reno tilted his head and squinted. "Hey, I think I see something! Just look at it, at about a forty-five degree angle."

"You know what it means, if you see things at the forty-five degree angle don't you…" Zack questioned.

"Not SOLDIER 'tendencies'?" The redhead scoffed.**(1)**

"Hmm, maybe one of these knobs will do something…" Zack started randomly fiddling with an array of protrusions on the machine. "How's it look, Cloud?" He asked after skewing a particular feature.

"It's a little darker that's all." The cadet informed.

"Whoa, stop right there! It's a naked woman!"

Zack promptly ignored the Turk and tried a different knob. "How about that?"

Cloud back up a little bit as the shapes twisted in and out of focus. "Ugh, I think I'm getting dizzy…"

"Outta the way." Reno shooed the SOLDIER. "Let the professionals get to work here."

"What, you know how it works?" Zack questioned.

"Of course I do; it just needs a little…finesse. Theses are magic hands, yo." Reno made a vague gesture and set to work. His surprisingly delicate fingers make sensitive adjustments to the numerous tiny switches, as they fluttered all around the machine…

Zack watched, more or less hopefully, while Cloud simply scowled. To no ones surprise, his face still looked strangely pretty while scowling.

At length however (after thirty-five seconds), Zack became impatient and demanded some sort of progress. "Haven't you got it yet?"

"I'd like to see you do this faster, yo."

"When _will_ you have it done?" Persistence always was one of Zack's virtues; persistence in every venue of life.

"Shut up already."

Through drawing on massive resources of willpower, Zack waited quite a while before asking again. It was almost thirty-eight seconds before, "Is it fixed yet?"

Reno straightened up. "Nope. That isn't working." There was a barely detectible blur of movement as the Turks foot tended upward.

"Wait! You'll break--!"

Zack's cry came too late and he watched the projector quivered sadly, when the foot of its supposed healer connected to the fragile plastic side. The lights blinked off and went black.

"You killed it! Why the hell did you…!" Zack trailed off. The lights flicked back on and the image on the wall turned crystal clear; depicting most effectively, the movement of troops through uneven terrain. _Not_ Moogles surprisingly enough.

The Turk raised an eye brow. "I believe you were trying to say, 'Wow, thanks Reno! That was amazing!'."

"Well…I was going to say 'thanks'…?" The SOLDIER offered. "I had no idea that actually works."

"It's a little known fact: If it doesn't work, kick it. I wasn't going to let anyone in on my secret. But now you saw it I guess... Ah, well."

Zack began switching out the slides, all of which displayed beautifully and carried some very concise and important information.

"Perfect!" Zack exclaimed cheerfully. "Thanks, Reno!"

"Sure, man." The Turk nodded. "But don't I get a Thank You from Blondie?"

"Not my class." Said blond shrugged him off icily.

"This is great!" Zack exclaimed bubbly as he flipped through the transparencies. "Now all I have to do is figure out what these mean before class tomorrow!"

"Yeah…" Reno regarded the SOLDIER. "…I'll leave you to it then…"

And people said he was crazy.

…………………………………………..

**(1)** I heard somewhere (it could be bogus) that the 45 degree angle thing meant you were gay. And obviously, I love all my lesbigay buddies, I'm just teasing;)

Okay, next update should come in good time I think. But I was considering that, like, just maybe, after that, I'd start updating every _other_ week or something… I'm not sure yet…it's just that I was hoping to get out another chapter of School Daze sometime this millennium…you know, a little bit before the apocalypse… It wouldn't be that bad right?


	22. Chapter 22 Zack Fair, PhD

**Whoa, look, an update! And your grandchildren haven't gotten married and had kids yet! (fiancés and unplanned pregnancies don't count, damnit) Special Credit goes to the Unseen Muse, without whom, your great-grandchildren would be reproducing as I speak. –ignores bystanders, giving funny looks-**

**I wrote the first part of this right after the last chapter but I bet by now no one remembers the Rorschach thing anymore. Damn. Useless clip from last chap at the beginning.**

……………………………………………………

Chapter twenty-two

--

"_This is great!" Zack exclaimed bubbly as he flipped through the transparencies. "Now all I have to do is figure out what these mean before class tomorrow."_

"_Yeah…" Reno regarded the SOLDIER. "…I'll leave you to it then…"_

_And people said he was crazy._

--

"It's not that I don't _know_ what they mean." Zack darted behind the desk Reno had so recently vacated.

With the Turk gone, Zack had a much more comfortable blond on his hands, but Cloud was still staring at him with a mixture of bewilderment, panic and annoyance. As soon as the unwanted redhead made his overly dramatic exit, Cloud had turned on him and asked 'What (Zack read: _thefuckinhell_) do you mean by that?'.

And at this most perilous moment in time, the SOLDIER was scrambling for an answer.

"It's just that I don't know which pictures go with which tactic. See?" Zack offered a slide for the cadet's examination. It cryptically illustrated differently colored geometric shapes, whose movement was indicated though a series of curving and straight arrows. There weren't any words involved.

Cloud took the paper and hummed at it. "Are they in any sort of order?"

Zack answered by looking sadly toward the door, then back to the cadet; implying that after they had been in the hands of a of a certain Turk for so long (not to mention himself), any semblance of order they may once have possessed, had long since been dissolved/violated/desecrated.

"Okay. It can't be that hard to put them back in order." Cloud said with determination. "Here, I recognize this one, it's 'Indirect Approach'."

"I never was good at that one…" Zack remarked.

"No." Cloud agreed wholeheartedly. "Do you have a pen? I'll mark it, so it'll be easier to find in class."

"Yup, yup." Zack ransacked every single wrong drawer before finding the long besought pen. It may have being a good idea to search the top right hand drawer first, but not everyone is the same, Zack reasoned. "Here you go!"

"Okay, this shouldn't be too hard." Cloud dragged another chair up to the desk and sat down to label the depictions.

"Yeah, but it will be boring."

Cloud gave him a look which said 'I'm helping you for free' and the SOLDIER promptly united with his chair and began to utilize his First Class paper-flipping talents. He made progress at a good enough rate that even Cloud was contented. Until about a quarter of the way through the stack,

"Hey look, a naked woman!"

Cloud scowled weakly. "It's not a Rorschach test, Zack…"

"No look, it really is." Zack held up the proof of his sanity for the disbelieving cadet. It turned out to be a very real, expertly photographed, expert model; who had very few of the trappings of civilization draping her scientifically reorganized, extraordinarily curvaceous body.

Cloud looked up, conceded that his comrade was not hallucinating and looked right back down. Obviously, Tactics teachers really were all perverts. He had guess as much from the way they wrote their books and named things.

"I've seen her before." Zack drummed his fingers on his jaw.

"I wouldn't brag about that." Cloud focused on his work.

"No, I think I've dated her…"

This made the blond perk up. "You dated a…model?" Cloud used the polite term. Besides, she did have few stray inches of strange garb on her body masquerading as 'clothing', he used the term widely.

Zack nodded his certainty with another intent look at the photograph which Cloud was carefully saving his eyes from.

"Well, what happened?"

Zack fidgeted, not answering and making Cloud yet more curious.

"Well?" Repeat. Not giving up.

Zack made a slight huff and crossed his arms to frown better. "She said I was a 'flirtatious exhibitionist'."

Cloud pointed to the naked girl, pouting in the picture. "_She_…said that…"

"Yeah, whatever." Zack shoved the girl in one of the desk drawers. "She also said that Sephiroth was more of man, and she'd rather have him."

"No surprise there…"

"You're really set on hurting my feelings today, aren't you?" Zack whined sadly.

"Just saying…oh, 'Envelopment of a Single Flank'…" Cloud scribbled busily.

Minutes ticked away after that, slowly enumerated by the quiet clicking of a wall clock, which Zack had long since decided to be the corporeal embodiment of evil. As each second passed, so did a tiny part of the SOLDIER's attention span, which was like an indefinite amount of water in a bucket, dripping, dripping, dripping…

"How about we finish this tomorrow?" Zack suggested hopefully.

"This class is early. I doubt there would be enough time."

"I think they reproduce when we're not looking." Zack glared at the horrifically numerous papers suspiciously.

Cloud found enough energy to look from Zack to the papers with a dazed expression. "I…don't…think that's…possible…"

"Seriously." Zack insisted. "There aren't any less of them than when we started."

"Of course there are." Cloud collected the slides which were finished with those malign ones which remained and placed the two divisions side by side. The finished collection was significantly larger. "See, there's not that much left."

"Exactly! Which means there will be time to do it tomorrow!"

"Which means there is still time to do it tonight."

"Erg." Zack whimpered but continued working until all ability for concentration was lost; at which time his head connected rather loudly with the desk. "So. Tired."

_Ignore…ignore…ignore…_

"Can't we stop now?" Zack clasped his hands in prayer.

"Fine." Cloud set down the pen and stood up stretching. "It's your decision." He leaned on the desk with his back toward the other.

"Really?!" Zack's face brightened with the glorious light of hope.

Cloud continued to lean silently while Zack started to panicked. Cloud hadn't spoken. Maybe he was mad at him; maybe he wasn't going to speak to him for the rest of the night; maybe he wasn't going to speak to him tomorrow either; maybe he was _never_ going to forgive him; maybe he was going to revert into that most feared state of intolerable, undefeatable, mind-numbing, heartbreaking angst. And never hang out with him for the rest of their combined lives?

Zack jumped up and tip-toed around the desk, cautiously approaching the spiky haired blond, afraid that too much noise would somehow cause him to dissolve into the darkness of sulky oblivion.

"Cloud….?" He questioned softly.

After rounding the desk he was confronted by…well, nothing really very frightening. Cloud's face was stretched into a yawn so big it threatened to deconstruct his finely shaped face. His light lashes were crinkled, pressing against his cheekbones and the tiniest muscles were contracting to wrinkle his inconspicuous nose.

"Hmm?" The cadet blinked a couples times widely, looking like he might fall over any second.

"Y-you're not mad at me?" Zack held an arm out for balance, just in case the kid did suddenly decide to inspect the floor.

"Hmm? No. I'm just a little tired…" Cloud stifled another yawn, innocently oblivious to the frantic worries of his companion. After a moment, he finally managed to frown at Zack properly. "It's after curfew you know."

"What?" Zack's head whipped around to look at the clock; the source of all suffering. "Only by twenty minutes." Zack dodged into the hall, dragging the sleepy cadet with him as quickly as safety would allow…okay, maybe a bit quicker than that.

The SOLDIER began to reason. "Nobody really cares that much and we'll get there before anyone important noti— " He stopped abruptly. "Oh, hey Seph!"

Cloud rammed into his friend's back, making a small thump. He had to be the most unlucky person in the world.

Sephiroth hummed low in his throat and glanced at the clock. Not that he didn't know exactly what time it was; it was the gesture at mattered. He shifted his gaze back to his yet-to-be-intimidated second.

"Twenty-four minutes and twenty-three seconds late, Zackary." He always began with the most painfully obvious statements to make sure his second wasn't in any way confused and worked up from there.

"Umm…you're here too you know." The still-not-intimidated one pointed out.

Cloud remained as far behind his human shield as possible. Not that it was very far, considering Zack still had a very good grip on his arm; whether he had just forgotten to remove it, or was trying to keep the cadet from bolting and leaving him all alone with the explaining was anyone's guess. But Cloud found himself leaning unconsciously into tireless hold of the never-properly-intimidated Zack.

"As commander of this army, my professional, or even personal needs, supersede any and all ordinances applying to General Personnel." Sephiroth explained.

It was only when he was with Zack that these things happened, Cloud mused absently. So maybe Zack was the most unlucky person in the world.

"Exactly!" The overly spunky man beamed. "And it's only natural that as your Second in Command those privileges be carried down to me."

But then again, Zack was never punished for his multiple indiscretions, so Cloud was really the only unlucky one.

"Perhaps…" Sephiroth nodded slowly.

Zack bounced on his heels. "Of course!"

Actually, the General saw that Cloud always got out of reprimand as well, so possibly, Sephiroth was the unlucky one for have to put up with them…

"…or perhaps. As my Second, it is even more imperative that you set an orderly example for lower ranking SOLDIER and…cadets." The General placed his emphasis clearly.

"Maybe…" Zack tilted his head. In puppy-speak his ears would be flattened against his head.

Indeed, Sephiroth was to be greatly pitied. "Cloud." Sephiroth's attention shifted as quickly as his attacks could in battle. He focused on the very worn-out looking blond who seemed to have trouble standing.

The blond in question was torn from his thoughts and jumped to attention with a blink.

"You look…unwell." Sephiroth remarked with a frown only he could give. All the evil mojo went in Zack's sad, under-loved direction.

"No Sir." Cloud gave witness to his own wellness (a very weak argument in itself). He shook his head, being compromised only by an inexplicable sense of guilt. "I'm…sorry for disregarding curfew, Sir." He apologized most sincerely.

The general waved it off. "You were under the supervision of a superior officer. All responsibility for this incident will be imputed to him." Sephiroth turned an evil smirk to his second. "As well as responsibility for; Disruption of Routine, Human Rights Violations, Unjustified Expenditures and," He lingered. "…Misappropriation of ShinRa Funds."

"No way!" Zack's jaw dropped. "You're making that shit up!"

"You are free to return immediately to your quarters." Sephiroth continued pleasantly with a gesture in the appropriate direction.

That made sense right? Poor Sephiroth.

"Yes Sir." Cloud nodded.

"He just wants to make sure you don't see my brutal death." Zack whined at the scary man glowering toward him. It may not have been a very advisable strategy.

"Actually, no." Sephiroth implied a hint of surprise with his voice. "I wouldn't kill you here; clean-up would be far too troublesome. It would be much simpler and more sanitary to dispatch you outside of the base. Blood stains are extremely difficult to clean off these walls, you know." Sephiroth flicked a single hair into place. "And they lower morale for some reason."

"Yeah…thanks for the comforting words." Zack sniffled. "Remember me, Cloud."

Something must have made him this way, right?

Sephiroth saw the blond hesitate and mistook Cloud's deep musing over his childhood for concern toward his friend. "I assure you, Zack will remain well enough to teach Tactics class tomorrow morning." He soothed.

"Oh, yes Sir, okay, whatever you think is best." Cloud snapped back to himself once more.

"'Okay'? 'Whatever'? How about 'No, don't kill my best friend' huh?!" The betrayed Zack protested against his cold treatment.

"Sleep well, Cloud." The general nodded calmly.

"Thank you, Sir. Good night." Cloud returned and skittered (it was a manly skitter) as quietly as possible though the halls, now twenty-eight minutes behind schedule.

"Curfew was established for a reason." Sephiroth addressed his remaining victim.

"I just lost track of time." Zack shrugged, looking extraordinarily innocent. "I won't do it again."

Sephiroth remained dissatisfied, knowing that the more innocent this man looked, the more disaster he could expect in his migraine-punctuated future. "Hmm, if Cloud is too tired to spar with me tomorrow…" He pondered thoughtfully. "Can you suppose who will take his place?"

"No, not again…" Zack thumped his head on the wall. He really did not understand how Cloud could stand the sparring. The SOLDIER was so much stronger, yet the Cloud always came out of these fights better off.

After brief consideration, Zack realized it was probably because Sephiroth wasn't determined to injure and/or mutilate Cloud through the most painful methods devisable, as he seemed so intent on doing to his second. And Sephiroth was very original person. He could devise a lot.

"Cloud will be fine in the morning!" Zack promised. "He'll be just peachy, I know it."

"I'm not as confident." Sephiroth persisted oh-so-very, very sincerely. "It's important that all trainees be well rested. Fatigue would be detrimental to Cloud's progress and ultimately a disadvantage to ShinRa…"

"He'll be great! As good as new. In perfect shape!"

"…and worst of all, it would make for very boring sparring." Sephiroth concluded.

"Yeah, you're such a hero."

--

Zack awoke to a painful and very distinctly evil buzzing sound. After a good thirty seconds of concentration he determined that it was a warning of some kind and probably some sort of message to him. The thought gave him a funny feeling in his stomach, because, what would anything that sounded so horrible want with him?

Upon refection, the clever SOLDIER determined the buzzing device wanted him to wake up and the sensation round and about his stomach was there because it was near time for breakfast. The weird little chills up his spine were most certainly due to the fact that he had been dreaming of Sephiroth making him spar with him after all.

Zack vaguely wondered why he couldn't ever have good dreams about that circumstance, like Cloud seemed to…

Which brought him back to why he had inflicted this pain on himself and set the alarm early, so, so early, too early…

Yes, right. That brought him back to why had inflicted this pain on himself and set the alarm early; His diabolical CO had threatened him with, well he wasn't exactly sure, but his heartless CO had threatened him with something very un-good if he screwed up his educational duties this time and it was his most serious duty to get to class at the appointed time, which was an hour before it started. Don't ask him why.

By the time Zack noticed the thing had been buzzing all this time, he was pretty damn sure the clock was possessed. After moving one newly located limb under his pillow to shut it up, he realized that Cloud hadn't so much as shifted from the noise and concluded he was most likely possessed as well.

It seemed that he was going to be alone this morning, among demons and textbooks, and the worst of all horrors, demonic textbooks. That was what he would be fighting this morning, and he dearly longed for one of those cuddly little wasteland monsters.

With that thought, the valiant SOLDIER rolled out of bed, being careful not to disturb the sleeping Cloud any more than necessary.

--

"Hey-hey, rise and shine!" Zack bounced back into his shared dorm. After all, he was up early and after getting the classroom and all of his papers and books and junk together, there was no way he was giving up an opportunity to pester a just-barely-awake-Cloud. No, no, no, that was priceless.

"Hnnn…." Cloud flinched and blinked at the light assaulting his eyes; glassy blue slits of color tried to bury themselves deeper in the pillow.

Zack grinned and dug around his bed until he came up with a phone and surreptitious snapped a few pictures before the kid's eyes could focus enough to see more than large, fuzzy plains of shapes.

"Hey sleepyhead, half the day's wasted!" The SOLDIER brightly quoted everything he could ever remember his mother trying to wake him with.

"…zzack?" The blonde's voice had clearly been soaked in confusion. When confronted by a beaming Zack this early in the morning, Cloud was obviously considering the possibility that it was still a dream. What he didn't know, was that Zack had had coffee. Oh yes, all was well with the world.

"Who else?" Zack smirked happily. "You don't think there're _two_ guys this good looking on Gaia do you?"

The cadet sighed and shook his head.

"Haha, I didn't think so." The intensely confident man preened, interpreting the response his own way. "So! How ya feeling?"

"Hmm…" Cloud stretched slowly. "Just a little tired…"

"What?" Zack suddenly jerked to the alert; images of Masamune slicing four inches through his thigh playing vividly in his mind. Sephiroth _so_ took advantage of Materia and Mako infusions. He breathlessly began with the questions,

"You okay? Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Orange juice? Snickers? Painkillers? Really, really strong coffee…"

"No, I'm fine." Cloud held out his palm and took it all back. "Really."

"You're sure?" Zack persisted.

"Yeah, I just said I was a little tired…" Cloud quirked an eyebrow at the man who had suddenly acquired such a strong concern for his health.

"Okay. So you don't need me to get you any caffeine pills or stimulants?"

"Um, no thanks…I'm good." Okay…so maybe it wasn't all about his health…

"Great! Than you ready for classes? This is gonna be the most kick-ass Tactics class ever!"

"Um, breakfast first, right?" Cloud cast a worried glance at Zack for the sake of his nourishment.

"Yeah, yeah, definitely!" Zack nodded vigorously, just in case there was any confusion as to his agreement. "I just don't want you to be late."

Cloud rubbed a hand over his face once more and swung his legs down to the second rung on the bunk's ladder. "You're the one teaching it, remember?" He eyed Zack crossways.

"Yup. And I'm going to do an _excellent_ job of educating the next generation of little SOLDIERs!" He punched the air in expectation of his victory.

--

"Now!" Zack jumped onto the desk, legs sprawled in every direction, knocking papers onto the floor in completely ignored flurries. "Who can tell me what this one means?!" He pointed to the latest display from the miraculously functioning projector.

"Hey!" An adventurous cadet volunteered. "I saw that thing in geometry class. It's a…hypotenuse…right?"

Zack looked at the image critically. "Could be… I'm mean, it kinda looks like one…I kept saying it looked like a doghouse but…"

Cloud tapped his pencil 'inconspicuously' against his textbook.

"Oh, right, right." Zack snapped back to his teacherly duties, explaining how the red squares and the blue squares where arranging themselves into complicated positions so that they could jump each other.

Unsurprisingly, having such an open, friendly teacher inspired a lot of class participation and Zack worked studiously to keep them quiet, with limited success.

He was trying to explain: "It's best to take you enemy from behind, where he's least defensible and…"

"What if your enemy's a 'she'?" A student whom no one bothered to learn the name of, piped up.

"Yeah," Aforementioned Adventurous Cadet joined in. "Should you take a woman from behind?"

"What the hell Kid?" Zack spat out. "Never, ever, ever try that! Most of them really hate it wh—"

Cloud began his best impression of a cat dying from a hairball. The pained choking sounds successfully brought Zack to remember what class he had been assigned to teach and whip a pencil at the Adv. Cadet.

"Shut up Kid." Zack reprimanded, after his student tried unsuccessfully to dodge the projectile. "From now on I'm using gender-neutral pronouns. All of the green squares and the red squares shall be labeled 'it'."

Groans filled the room, most present finding the class much more interesting with gender-positive pronouns (if that's an expression).

"Complain all you want." Zack stolidly crossed his arms. "From now on, every polygon you see up there is androgynous!"

Zack was interrupted from switching the projection by his PHS and the small happy-dance which followed its more than welcome distraction.

"Zack here!"

"_Where are you?"_ Short and to the point as every illustrious general should be.

"Where else? I'm trying to teach Tactical Warfare to a bunch of perverted little brats." Zack gave his phone a funny look, guessing that Sephiroth would know he was doing so.

"_You should have been done thirty minutes ago."_ The general frowned, knowing Zack would likely assume he was.

"No way." Zack spun around to look the wall-clock in the eye. "This says ten 'til."

"_Then it's wrong."_ Sephiroth shrugged, the sound of creaking leather carried through the astute little communicator.

"Oh man," The beleaguered SOLDIER grabbed a fist-full of his hair. "I've been going through thirty minutes of hell that didn't have to?! That just sucks…" He vehemently glared and the errant clock; his suspicions confirmed that it was out on a personal vendetta to destroy him.

"_Hmm."_ The Silver Haired Man sounded thoughtful.

"What?" Zack's eyes narrowed warily.

"_All that time and the Demonic Projector from Hell hasn't slaughtered you yet?"_ Was sarcastic smirk a sound? Zack thought it was.

The SOLDIER edged away from said projector. "Not _yet_."

Sephiroth let out a long, disappointed sigh. _"I'll hope for better things next time. There's always a chance…"_

"Ha-ha, so funny." Zack deadpanned, or got as close thereunto as a Zack could. "And all I said was that it made strange noises. That's all."

"_Dismiss the class. They're already behind for other subjects."_ Sephiroth demonstrated the deadpan voice for his second's education.

"Aren't you gonna get trampled? That is you I hear turning the corner, right?"

"_I'm not really afraid of trampling Zack."_

"Oh yeah." He waved the class out with his spare arm. "Okay, kids get out. Class over!" The truly terrible but much loved substitute teacher sat back and watched the rush for the door with a slight smile. "Twenty gil says one of them brushes against you."

"_Fifty gil."_ The Mighty General substituted without hesitation.

"…nope. Not taking that bet." Zack shook his head, his hyperactive hair making a conspicuous swishing noise against the receiver.

"_It was your idea."_

"Knowing you, you'd light a nice little ring of fire around yourself or something."

"_I promise not to use any element whatsoever. Content?"_ The general parleyed.

"Okay, you're on… They've been stuck in here for an hour and a half, one of them has to be stupid enough to do it."

"_Hn, we'll see."_ The general's phone clicked off.

Zack briefly considered how much he was going to regret this, before bounding into the hall just as the herd of cadets neared the end of corridor. Sephiroth still couldn't be spotted, having purposefully disadvantaged himself by staying around the corner out of sight, until last minute.

Overly-confident bastard, Zack scowled. He really should never have taken this bet…

Using pure First Class agility, he snuck his way through the crowd to watch from a good vantage point as the first wave nearly ran head-on into the general and stopped dead in their tracks before crashing into him.

Zack watched expectantly as one unstable cadet teetered, loosing his balance. But his hope was quelled when the poor kid's friend grabbed him by the collar and pulled him out of harms way.

Little gasps and shuffling and the saluting followed but nothing that could pass for physical contact. Sephiroth didn't so much as make that eerie little rush of air thing he did so well. Whenever bumping and shoving got a certain cadet too close, the slightest little shift of green would occur in his eyes and wayward students would swiftly compress against both walls.

"There goes fifty gil." Zack watched in defeat as the last of his class trickled away, just Cloud a few stragglers in the back… Just Cloud…?

The imaginary little lights started blinking like crazy in Zack head; this was too perfect. Evil grins abounded on the spunky and perpetually delinquent lieutenant's face as he watched his favorite blond head toward the general, calmly and nonchalant, almost completely adapted to Sephiroth's presence. Cloud wasn't going to touch him, but he'd come pretty close and think nothing of it.

Zack waited until his sacrificial cadet was passing just beside the unsuspecting general…

"_**Cloud!!"**_

The blond started and spun around, his elbow bumping Sephiroth's arm without him even noticing it.

"Zack? What?" Cloud's mouth fell open slightly and his head tilted to the side as Zack pulled his fist in the air accompanied by a triumphant '_Yes_!'.

He cast a bewildered look upward to the general who gave an aggrieved yet resigned shake of the head.

"You don't want to know."

……………………..

I'm very sorry this took so long! Words can't bespeak my sorrow and regret. All I can say is… …Supernatural is _really_ addictive. Um, please review? –scratches head nervously-


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